Somewhat annoyed at this DW situation! Don't know what to give.

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I really wouldn’t sit around being annoyed b/c of this two-party “issue” that gets everyone into a tizzy. Send her a present and move on.

Post # 3
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

CityBearBride:  The legal part wouldn’t really bother me, she probably did it to avoid the hassle of taking care of it in Mexico.  What would bother me is the request for a specific type of gift.  In my social circle, it’s pretty much understood that if you have a destination wedding you probably won’t be receiving gifts (i.e. the expense for your guests to travel is their gift).  Since you aren’t attending anyways, I think a nice card would suffice.

Post # 4
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Gross. I would send a card with my best wishes.

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee

Friends of mine did the legal thing on a weekday with just their parents in tow. The following weekend they did their ‘wedding.’ Everyone knew the score and was fine with it because it was clear from the outset this what they were doing and how they wanted their celebration of marriage to be. I travelled for them and to join in the celebration. They didn’t ask for or stipulate gift type so I just put cash in a card.

But turn the tables, another couple who I’m friends with, eloped without telling anyone. They announced it on facebook and we were all shocked. Low and behold, when they got back they threw a party at their house. (Called it a party not a wedding or celebration or anything like that.) In the group invite message that went out on FB, they asked that people bring whatever they would like to drink, something to throw on the BBQ and also bring them a cash gift. Needless to say, I didn’t go. The cheek of it!

Post # 6
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

I’m having a DW in a couple months and we also have to get married legally over here first, but we specifically DON’T want our family and friends who are coming to the wedding to be at the legal bit, what’s the point in that?(and I definitely won’t be posting pics/announcements on facebook!) I understand your annoyance about it seeming gift grabby, but I don’t think she’s trying to mislead anyone with her invitation wording ‘at the marriage’, we had ‘to celebrate the marriage of’ on ours even though everyone knows we’re getting married beforehand legally, the difference is we wouldn’t hold what would essentially be two weddings, it’s tacky. You don’t sound particularly close to this girl, and she didn’t invite you to her ceremony even though it was obviously an important event to her with friends and family in your home town, so I wouldn’t send her a gift, just a card, not exactly going to end an epic friendship is it?

Post # 7
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

CityBearBride:  I would send her a congratulations card and that’s it. She’s already married and you aren’t really friends anymore. It certainly sounds gift grabby to me. For me, it would be the reverse. I’d invite my nearest and dearest to a DW because it would be a fun family type trip. Then I’d have something local for everyone else. 

Also, it’s pretty easy to get married at Caribbean resorts and they generally handle all the paperwork. I don’t really understand this two weddings business especially when people are misleading about it. To me, this sounds incredibly gift grabby and I wouldn’t play into it at all. You haven’t seen her since your wedding so it’s doubtful that will change now. 

Post # 8
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Could the “No boxed gifts” have meant not to bring boxed gifts to the DW in Mexico, but that registry gifts delivered to her hone would still be ok? If it’d be awkward for a guest to get a boxed gift there, it would be very awkward indeed for her to get a whole weddings-worth of boxed gifts back to where she lives. 

I’m just confused as to why she has a registry if she’s forbidding boxed gifts.

 

The legal wedding and party and announcement is not what I would have done in her situation, however.

Post # 9
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Yeah I’d be very annoyed too. Send her a congratulatory card and nothing else. 

Post # 10
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

CityBearBride:  Ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh enough with all of this “gift grabby” nonsense. If she has offended you so much, send her a card with a $50 check and move on. Perhaps this “small legal” ceremony was just that–small and reserved for nearest and dearest family and friends–not old coworkers she hasn’t seen in a while. Being passive-aggressive by just sending a card is not very mature, in my opinion. 

Post # 11
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

MrsMeowton:  How is sending a card passive aggressive? It’s a thoughtful gesture, and it’s not like she owes this couple a gift.

Post # 12
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

merpitymerp:  It comes off as being completely passive agressive. She’s annoyed she wasn’t invited to their legal ceremony, so now they just get a card. It doesn’t seem very thoughtful. 

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee

we are doing a DW, but we are asking for NO GIFTS (Not putting this on our invitation, because I think any mention of gifts, even to say they are not required- is tacky), but we are spreading the word through family and bridal party that we are not wanting gifts as it is a destination wedding. (The expense for many who choose to travel will be a large expense and we are not comfortable asking our guests to do more).

 

Many DW brides get legally married before heading to the other country because of the difficulties in getting the certificates/blood tests/translations etc- but its kind of rude that she posts it on FB! We will be the only ones who know we are doing it before hand (Day before we leave for Mexico), but our “Wedding day” will be the day I walk down the aisle to greet my FI in Mexico.

Post # 14
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t personally be offended if this happened to me, but I can totally see where you’re coming from.  It is never rude to send a card with your well-wishes, if that is what you want to do.  Besides, it’s not like you’d be writing “We were going to include a check but since you didn’t invite us to the ceremony, you’re not getting one.  Suck it!  LOLOL” on the thing.  She has no clue about what you were planning to give, so she has no reason to be disappointed if you just send a nice card.

Post # 15
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t have anything to say about the gift aspect, but I myself am having a Destination Wedding in Mexico and legally getting married in town first.

In Mexico, if you want to get married legally they must take your blood and the entire ceremony must be in Spanish. For those reasons, it simply wasn’t an option for us to get married legally there. We didn’t really want to do two ceremonies but we also didn’t want to give blood.

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