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My son is 3. He really likes to do things that "mom" does, wears my skirts as dresses, puts on makeup, and he really likes to have his nails painted. I can paint them clear for all he cares, but he thinks its fun. I really think that he is just in the stage that he wants to do what I do (he will want to put on makeup when I am, and paint his nails when I am, but he doesn't ask any other time). My husband gets so mad when I will paint one of his nails. Is it ok for me to do that? Or should I not be? What are your thoughts?
@Rosie Girl: I've done it for my son... he used to be the same way but he grew out of it... I only paint my nails black though (sometimes silver) but black is usually okay for girls and boys... at least with the people I know. I don't think theres anything wrong with it... and soon he'll grow out of it.
I dressed my little brother up in dresses did his makeup and painted his nails and he is seriously like a MANLY MAN now I dont think its bad at all... Oh and he also played with barbies...
I used to teach swim lessons to a kid who liked to get his toes painted when his mom did her nails. When he started kindergarden his mom said no more and it was not really a big deal. The kid understood. I mean so what? It is bonding time and really what is more important than that? Is your husband really going to let society interfear with a bond that is that important?
Of course its ok - because down the road there are 2 possibilities...
he's gay - in which case you're going to love him anyway, and painting his nails or not painting his nails won't change that, but it will make him feel supported and not judged by his mom
or
he's straight - in which case, nail polish isn't going to make him gay, and if he's not some "im a dude and I only do DUDE things" kinda kid and learns things like painting nails can be fun and not necessarily emasculating, he will be a more open minded straight guy - and the world needs more of those.
Regardless, right NOW, he only knows that he wants it and its fun - thats the beauty of being 3. No need to complicate it with gender roles us lame adults have had pounded in to our heads over the years.
:)
Just like you said, he's at an age where he wants to do what you're doing! There's nothing wrong with that. My 3-year-old nephew is the same way, and my sister-in-law painted his toenails blue earlier this summer. He just thought it was so fun - he was actually telling me a story about it the other weekend, which I thought was super cute. Tell your husband to cool his jets! I'm assuming he has some irrational fear that painting his nails will turn him gay, but that's absurd.
Gender is a cultural invention and has nothing/little to do with ones biological sex. With that said, PAINT AWAY! lol.
Thanks for your input! I don't see anything wrong with it either. I know that he is just wanting to do what I do, and he has fun! I think my husband is scared of what others will say, and that it will do "something" to him, which I know it won't, and I would love him no matter what anyways! But after hearing it from my husband, I was worried that maybe I was wrong...
I think all little boys go through this stage, at least all the little boys I've ever known. Usually around that age too. As you said, he wants to do what you're doing, and he's just having fun.
What Mandypop said. Painting his nails won't MAKE him gay. He either will be or won't be, but nail painting at age three has nothing to do with it.
I babysat for a girl and her younger brother. I painted her nails one day, and the boy wanted his done, too. I tried to talk him out of it, but he didn't think it was fair that his sister got to do it and he didn't. So I gave in. I don't think his dad was thrilled, but it was a fairly dark color (not like, hot pink or something super girly), and the kid was just happy to be included. It comes off.
Paint them clear if it really bothers your husband, but at age three, he hasn't really discovered "boy things" and "girl things" yet...that will come soon enough, so enjoy your mommy & son time while you can!
I wouldn't let him, but more for the reasons of-- how are you going to keep him still long enough for the polish to dry and not get anywhere? Plus, those fumes... (even I worry for myself if that's bad for my lungs or whatever.)
@mandypop: Could not have said it better myself. Agree 100%.
Children are curious and want to try things when they see others doing them. If my future daughters want to play with trucks and refuse to wear dresses, so be it. If my future little boys want to paint their nails and dress up in princess costumes, so be it. It's our society placing gender 'norms' on everyone from infancy onwards that lead to so many self-esteem and discrimination issues.
My FI used to be a punk kid and so he painted his fingernails black. He is as striaght as they come.
My Dad on the other hand went into the defence force straight out of high school, was raised by a WW2 vet on a farm in a very man's man town, was taught all the right and wrong things a manly man does, had 4 children to my beautiful mother.. and my father is gay. Its definately not environmental. And you can not make your little son CATCH GAY by painting his nails.
I would be having words with my hunny about how we wanted to raise our children (to be open and understanding and without prejudice or with closed minded prejudice).
I would be having words with my hunny about how we wanted to raise our children (to be open and understanding and without prejudice or with closed minded prejudice).
@FutureMrsMoore: Excellent point!
@mandypop: & @FutureMrsMoore: I agree.
OP, talk with your husband, and let him know that this just a bonding/time spent together thing and that it won't affect your son in any way other than building a loving relationship and fun memories with you.
My DH came home to our son wearing his sisters tutu I made, and my shoes, and all he said was "Can he at LEST have a camo one?" lol
But my daughter LOVE boy things like cars and tools... No one ever says anything. The only girly thing she likes is skirts, and thats usually over her cars briefs (She doesnt even like panties... they have to be cars or mickey mouse (not to be confused with minny)
Its FINE!! Telling them no without a real reason can confuse them. Let kids be kids.
I totally think it's ok. I have a son too, and I have always encouraged him to experience all sorts of different toys, and activities. He is a boys boy though, no denying. He has put on blush while I did makeup before, and he likes to put on lip gloss, when I apply it, and I have no problem with it. Niether does my fiance. My sons fav color is purple, but he likes pink too!
I'm the type of mother that just wants him to be happy, and well rounded. So if he wants to shave a mohawk when he is 5, and dress mismatched to school, then so be it. I wouldn't dream of being an overbearing parent ( when it comes to style, and harmless self exploration, and identity).
No b/c none of my kids will have finger nail polish as I don't wear it and it's highly toxic.
well both of my nephews went through a phase where they wanted there toes painted. The youngest (2) had them painted for my wedding because all the girls were painting their toes, the oldest (7) start to say something and his mom reminded him his were always painted at that age. It wont hurt him id he likes then let him. When i got home he ran up to show me he loved them all day he said "i a petty baby bubua"
I think it's totally fine for all of the reasons that have already been mentioned. I think you and your husband should talk about this though and come to an agreement that works for both of you. This can be a polarizing issue, so it's important that you are both on the same page as each other.
its only a big deal if a grownup makes it a big deal - little girls dress up as footballers and play with trucks and yet that doesnt make them gay so i think little boys with painted toes are going to grow up just fine
My cousin did all those things when he was 3, and my grandma would beat him and yell at my Aunt. He's now 13 and he had it bad in school. The kids all tease(d) him at school, call him gay, and my Aunt actually had to pull him out of that school. He's just really feminine (which doesn't make someone gay necessarily.) So, it's sad that society forces certain gender norms onto us.
EDIT: Just asked FI how he'd feel if our son wanted to wear nail polish, and he said it's fine. If our son wants to be a ballarina and wear a tutu, he'll be at the recitals yelling, "COME ON SON, STICK THAT LANDING!" Just as if he was playing football! Aweee
I'm just going to echo everyone else here and say there's absolutely nothing wrong with it! I teach preschool and I can't tell you how many times I have seen 3 year olds dress up in princess dresses or pretend to paint their nails. I had one little boy who liked to dress up in the SAME princess dress every single day (WHILE he was playing with cars/trying to wrestle other boys...). His parents got really upset and wanted us to tell him NO whenever he asked for the dress. We told them that we couldn't do that and it was part of our curriculum to let the children explore those things. So finally, we had to get the director to call his parents EVERY TIME he put the dress on, so that they could tell him it was wrong. That only happened a few times because I guess they just gave up on it. But to me, that was very, very sad :/
When my son was 3 he used to pretend he was wearing makeup and he would "put it on" when I did mine. I had a mirror mimc for awhile there and yes I would sometimes put blush or something on him. He is now 13 and wanted to wear eyeliner. Apparently it is the thing. I had no problems with it, but my conservative family memebers did. So bye bye boyliner. Oh and he has a different girlfriend every week so him wanting to wear makeup has nothing to do with being gay. I hate labels!!!
Quite a few bees said 'no' but no one has commented. I guess I would be the first one. I don't have any kids myself. However, from my younger bro's experience I can tell that he actually had no vested interest in wearing nail-polish or make-up even when my mom was doing her routine. We have a huge age gap so when I was doing the same, he still wasn't interested.
My mom kept us preoccupied with other activities that we didn't feel the need to bond with her via make-up. And a lot of times, she would have her 'me' time when we were asleep or otherwise just not around. (Maybe with our dad, or grandparents, etc.) so we never really witnessed her putting on make-up as much. I did, however try out her make-up when I was 2 yrs old but that was just once or twice. I wasn't really into all that either even after watching her. It just looked/felt like a chore more than anything.
Or her standard answer for anything "this is for grown ups. When you grow up, you can have it." And of course, when you grow up, u know better what you want to have or not. So problem solved. Another thing she did was she would always keep us involved in something or other while she was getting dressed. She'd either be asking us questions about our friends, school, etc. Or asking us to read a book to her. Or build her something with our Lego's while she's getting dressed. Or draw something. So we're just busy with that.
So I find it really difficult to believe that little boys are anxious to put on makeup just to feel 'included'.
I think it's fine, but if your hubby is really concerned about people "doing something" to your son because he has painted nails maybe ask him if he'd be okay with just the toenails being painted. It's fall now, so your son will be in socks and shoes most of the time, so it can stick with being a bonding moment for the two of you and addresses your hubby's concerns.
Not strange at all. It's normal that he wants to do what you do. Let him have his fun!
Most kids go through a mimicking stage, usually starting in the toddler years. It's part of what makes toddlers and young children so cute and endearing, even when they're throwing tantrums or destroying everything in sight. :)
My nepehew loved to have his toe nails painted when he was really little. I actually painted them for him this summer (he's 5 now), but I think it'll be the last time. Many kids naturally outgrow this kind of stuff on their own; nothing to be worried about.
I don't see any problem with it for all of the reasons the PPs have stated.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately (not nailpolish specifically). But how tomboys are often the heros in literature and movies. Girls emulating anything masculine is seen as positive for her future while boys emulating anything associated with women is not only seen as negative but often people jump to the conclusion that it must be that something is wrong/deficient in their male child. I think it's very telling for how women are still viewed.
I'd really love to hear from the 16 who have so far said no. Only one person has been forthcoming. I personally wouldn't care, but my FH would probably not be to happy.
I don't have a problem with it. You don't have a problem with it. But if your husband has a problem with it, I think you should be respectful of his wishes. What if he were continuing to do something with your son (that isn't at all necessary) that makes you mad and your husband ignored your requests for him to stop?
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