Post # 1
My soon to be mother in law is driving me crazy. I do love her though, it’s just the current situation that is getting to me.
My current problem?
The guest list.
My FI and I have decided to get married at Disney. Ceremony at Sea Breeze Point. This venue is small. It can only hold 68 people. I thought this would be fine because are from Canada, date is a Monday, only close people will come right? We don’t know that many people objectively. My side of the guest list is 26 invites.
Since the venue is so small (relative) we had a discussion with FI’s parents about who they felt needed an invitation. Just the aunts and uncles alone is 28 people! MIL insisted that the cousins get invites too! That would be another 30! So now FI is not allowed to have his friends invited?! I put my foot down and we all came to the conclusion that we will have to do 2 waves of invitations. First is friends and aunts and uncles. If there is room, cousins. This was good until this week.
Now apparently, she thinks that HER friends should be invited. Also that we should just invite everyone to the reception. Uhhhh, no. If there is no room at the ceremony, there is no room at the reception to me. Also, the reception is the expensive part! I can’t afford to feed the 68 people she wants, let alone to try to invite 100. She has offered money, but I don’t want to give into that. FI is on my side too. Thankfully, so is Disney. You can’t have a difference in guests from ceremony to reception by more than 5% of the guest list.
Anyways, I am more just getting annoyed with how she is trying to change things after a common understanding has been reached. Does anyone has some nice ways to say back off because I am tapped out.
Post # 3
@ElizabethNicole: You can make a conscious choice to just not react. . Just acknowledge what she says, then tell her the issue is resoloved.
” I know you would like your neighbour down the street to be invited, but we have already reached capacity. It would be rude to invite her if we don’t actually have the room to host her if she decided to come.”
Post # 4
who is paying for the wedding? if you and FI are, then you guys get final say in the guest list.
have your FI deal with his mother.
as long as you and FI are on the same page, don’t worry about it.
Post # 5
Is she willfully ignoring the 68 limit? Just don’t accept her money and keep the guest list how you want it, invite your fiance’s friends first!
Post # 6
@ajillity81: we are paying. They have offered, but the reasons up there are exactly why we are not accepting any money.
It sounds bad, but he has tried to say stuff to her, but she is so pushy we end up getting rude because she just keeps pushing the issue. She does listen to me though after a couple iterations though which is why I end up having to be “the bad guy”
@julies1949: yea, I think I am just going to have to keep repeating myself. It just gets old, you know?
Post # 7
@Pinkmoon: her reasoning is “people can stand right?” Or “just invite them to the reception because it can hold more people”
She is treating it like a family reunion. Sorry, but my dime, no family reunion. Fun fact, FI and I have been together for 2.5 years, for a these people being so important and stuff, I have met only a handful of them once.
Post # 8
@ElizabethNicole: It does get old. Just picture yourself covered wih a white veil that protects you from anything- head to toe. Nothing can penetrate the veil.
Post # 9
@ElizabethNicole: Blame it on Disney! Everyone knows getting married at Disney is $$$ and they have a lot of restrictions.
Post # 10
@ElizabethNicole: I hear ya, lady. My FMIL wanted to invite HER cousins and their KIDS to our wedding. They don’t live in our area and FI doesn’t know them and has only seen them twice in his life. Not a family reunion.
I agree that this is for your FI to take care of. He needs to tell him mom no, not you. There’s no need for you to be the “bad guy.”
In our situation, his mom kept pushing so hard that I finally said to FI “I’m so stressed out and sick of this, just invite them” and he insisted we stick to our guns and not invite them, which is what we did. Now that our Save the Dates have gone out, we can’t add or change guests, and she hasn’t said anything again.
Post # 11
@mixtapehearts: that has been my saviour so far! Ahahahhaa. “Nope, can’t do that. Says right here in my contract” “no you cannot contact my planner to ask questions, you were not authorized. Only me”
Bless her heart this is her first son getting married and she always wanted a girl I am sure. She means well, but she is overbearing.
Post # 12
@DomesticDiva: I am sticking to my guns. We are doing what we agreed upon. FIL seems to get where we are coming from too.
Sodry to hear that you are stressed out. I am at the waiting stage. Invites are out in the world, agreement is signed, deposit down. Nothing can be changed thank goodness.
Post # 12
I’m in a similar situation. I have no advice, but my heart goes out to you! Let’s just plan on only getting married once, shall we? 😉