(Closed) Soon to be sister-in-law planning wedding 3 weeks before mine???

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you are right to be upset. She seems really immature and clearly does not care that it would make things difficult for the whole family. I would just hold your ground and let her know that if she wants that day then fine but you wont be there.

Post # 4
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Firstly, don’t communicate with the via Facebook, seriously, if she is irritating enough to post that status, don’t lower yourself to reply.

 

second, speak to your brother, it’s his wedding as well as hers and he might understand its going to be awkward for your family.

 

if that doesn’t work, you might just have to leave it, she seems like she hasn’t actually booked anything so she will prob faff about and never end up booking anything.

Post # 5
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My brothers ex fiance did this too. Same type of person, has to post everything on facebook just to get attention.  In our case she just wanted the wedding and not the marriage as they are horrible to eachother and were only engaged so she would nt run away with my brothers kid. ( horrible I know). She announced on fb without talking to my parents or anyone really knowing what month I was getting married that her wedding would be a month after. My parents actually had to call her out on it because my family who would be travel ing over ten hours to both would not come to two in one summer.  She then announced a new date again without talking to anyone that was in a month that my parents have been out of the country for the last 12 years!  Some people just don’t think about others or the big picture.  Maybe your parents can explain to your brother?  I know everyone says you only get one day but you have to think about your family as well in this situation I think.

Post # 6
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Wait, so did you or didn’t you tell people about your date before she started talking about hers? I think I am picking up on two seemingly conflicting pieces of information, but am probably misunderstanding.

Post # 7
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, no, you are not being a bridezilla because your focus isn’t on YOU YOU YOU, it’s on the impact for the family as a whole.

Ultimately, each couple has the right to do whatever they want/think is best….and I don’t think a wedding 3 weeks ahead of yours is unmanageable completely but it certainly isn’t ideal for the broader family that will be invited to both weddings/showers etc and have to potentially travel twice in a short time frame.  That’s the issue as I see it, the difficulty for the guests.  However, if she and your brother have determined that they don’t see that as an issue then I suppose they can choose any date they like.  Is it a bit rude? Perhaps.  But they need to make that decision knowing and excepting that it may affect whether or not guests can attend.

Knowing this well ahead of time, hopefully you can prepare and attend your brothers wedding. I know there is nothing in the world that would make me miss my brothers wedding, so please consider carefully about whether or not you’ll regret it in the future if you choose not to attend.

Post # 8
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

This is a really sucky situation. First, I’d talk to your brother and explain things trying as much as possible not to pressure him and not to put him in the middle of a fight, but just to express yourself to him and make sure he realizes what’s going on. Second, consider that it’s kind of unfair when you don’t have anything planned and nothing booked to lay claim to a date. What if she moves her wedding and then you aren’t able to get a venue for the date you want? Or what if you and your FI end up waiting longer than you planned? Third, you have over a year and a half to make sure you can arrange to travel to this wedding and to go to yours and so does your family. This isn’t going to be a surprise. You can plan accordingly. You just need to choose what is more important to you: sharing in your brother’s wedding day or stubbornly defending your semi-claimed wedding date.

Honestly, if your brother and his fiancee are ready to start planning and you aren’t, you’ll have to deal with the consequences that they are going to be able to lay official claim to certain things first.

Post # 9
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@EffieTrinket:  she told her FSIL but no one else

Post # 10
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@EffieTrinket:  I think she didn’t tell anyone except for her FSIL in private.

Post # 12
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So had you already booked a venue, etc. for your date? Because she may not have known that this date was important to you (just that that was the week/month you were thinking of doing it), found a venue she liked only available for three weeks before your wedding and booked it. I’ve had friends say “I’ll be getting married on such-and-such date” only to change it when there’s no venue available, so she may have thought that was just a date you were considering, rather than one you had your heart set on.

Post # 15
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

*hugs*

I just don’t get people like that.  There’s obviously no way to reason with her because if she had any common sense, she wouldn’t have picked a date that close to begin with! Even knowing nothing about wedding ettiquette, the average gal should know that picking a day three weeks before someone else’s wedding is not smart. 

If she refuses to budge, and I were you, I’d move my wedding date three weeks before hers.  She how she feels then.  I know you said your date was special to you, but if its the only way to make sure all the family will definitely attend yours, it’d be worth it.

Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If they have nothing at all booked, then I think just continue planning your wedding and ignore them until something concrete happens. As I said before, people can plan on getting married a particular date but have that fall through when they don’t book a venue in time. If they really are so hard up for money, there’s a good chance they won’t be able to book a venue in time anyway.

It’s frustrating that she’s posting this on facebook (how I would love it if facebook disappeared overnight!), but that’s her choice. You’ve told her and your brother that you and some of your extended family would not be able to make it to the wedding, so now the ball is in their court. They have the information and they can chose what to do with it.

Another thing; could they possibly be considering a date that would be challenging for some family members to try and keep numbers/costs down?

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