Post # 1
My sister is having a small destination wedding at the end of May – immediate family only. My estimated due date is June 2nd. And I’m the maid of honor. What do I do?! I haven’t told my parents or sister yet, but I’m worried she’s going to be pissed. Argh. I have no idea what to do. She’s my only sister, but this will be the first grandbaby so I feel like a big fat thunder-stealer. We had no idea we’d get pregnant this month, or any month, since I have fertility issues. What to do, what to do. Advice?
Post # 3
Just be honest and tell them, they will be delighted 🙂 Continue to be there through the planning and tell her you are so excited to be teh MOH and that you still want to continue to be as involved as you are.
Is this destination wedding far enough that you need to fly? If you are that close to to your DD you may run into issues there as, from what I know, most doctors discourage flying (and airlines too) past a certain mark (36 weeks?). I’m guessing it’s more of a driving thing since you didn’t mention it.
I’d just be honest and up front and tell her that with your issues you really didn’t expect it, she really has no reason to not be totally thrilled for you guys. 🙂
Post # 4
I would tell her as soon as you feel comfortable. Depending how far the wedding is, it sounds like you may have to miss it. So, honestly, she may be upset– I would be sad if my sister had to miss my wedding, and might even feel a little anger at first, but would also be super excited for her. I wouldn’t be upset about thunder stealing, I would be sad that my sister wouldn’t be there. But giving her as much notice as you can will help and emphasizing that you will be there every step of the way until then.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Get everyone together and tell them now. You may want to consider telling your sister first in private so she can process the information. The longer you wait the more likely plans are made (i.e. flights and hotels booked.) Your sister may choose to bump up the wedding as a result to make sure you can attend (try for 2nd tri if she asks.)
Post # 6
Destination wedding as in you’d have to fly? Eeek, that’s a tough one. I’m sure that everyone will be excited and over the moon for you. I’d definitely tell them sooner rather than later, and maybe ask that they keep a lid on it until you’re ready to tell everyone else. Maybe they can skype with you for the ceremony or something?
Post # 7
How could you fly to the wedding if they don’t allow women at a certain point in their pregnancy to fly for risk of them going into labor on the plane?
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You should not travel more than an hour from your hospital in the month before your due date, so… they will just have to understand. I would tell your sister NOW. I would call her this very minute. It may be possible to move the wedding, but if not, then she has lots of time to get used ot the fact that you won’t be there. This is not your fault, and she will probably have an emptional response at first, but in the end, it will all work out.
Post # 9
I feel your pain! My DD is one week before my brother’s wedding. My mom regularly tries to convince me I’ll be able to make it.
Just talk to your family. I”m sure they’ll all understand and be so excited for you! And I doubt your sister will think you’re stealing her thunder. Just tell her you’ll be there for everything and that you’ll do as much as you can until the wedding. Plus, there’s enough time for her to be able to fill your spot if she chooses. Even though I’m sure you’re so sad to be missing out, you will have told them in plenty of time to work with you on this.
Congrats on your pregnancy! Happy and health 9 months!!
Post # 10
No flying! Its about an 8 hour drive for me and DH, a 14 hour drive for my parents and sister. I’m really really hoping that there’s a chance she can have it in April. I honestly can’t even get excited about being pregnant yet because I’m so bummed about this.
Post # 11
Well, at least it’s driving so it’s not impossible to attend (although that long a drive would be mighty uncomfortable 38w pregnant). If you do travel, take copies of your records with you, especially blood type and ultrasound reports. Most first time moms going beyond their due date so you’re not terribly likely to have a baby 2 weeks early, but it’s possible. And even if not, you’ll be uncomfortable and tired (most likely). Hopefully she can move the date up or back! Congrats!
Post # 12
Tell them your due date ASAP, that you will need to step down as MOH, and there’s a good chance you can’t attend. I’m a little unsure about whether to do an 8 hour drive or not. (Though it’ll be more like 10 with all the toilet stops lol). My babies were all about a week late so I probably would have been ok.
She might be annoyed, but that’s the risk you take when you have a destination wedding – it’s harder for people to attend. I’m of the opinion that if you hold a DW, you can’t be annoyed at anyone who can’t make it.
I wouldn’t worry about thunder stealing. One of my children was born close to my sister’s wedding (so close that I declined to be in the bridal party) and bringing her to the wedding was not issue at all. And you’re “just” pregnant (rather than holding a beautiful baby) it’s even less of an issue.
p.s Congrats and **DO** get excited. There is enough love in the world for people to be happy for both you and your sister at the same time.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
I’ll be 8 months at my brother’s wedding – but I’m not a part of the wedding party! 😉 I would be honest with her fairly soon, so she can plan ahead as well.
Post # 14
I moved my day for my brother and his partner as it would have been a week from their due date. Its not the end of the world, you just need to come clean, also explain how rotten you feel. Hopefully she will understand. and if you tell her now rather than later on she will still have time to move the date. Hope all works out for you 🙂
ETA: i also dont see why you have to step down, unless she wants you to. you can still be involved in the wedding party. I wouldnt have cared if my sis had a baby belly, because as cute as it is, its not going to take away from the bride.. everyone is always looking at the bride 🙂
Post # 15
@mrsrangrang: The reason I advised stepping down is not because of the baby belly, but because she can’t promise to be there. And she might not know until a week or so before. Of course some brides are ok with this, but I think if you can’t commit to be there you should at least offer to step down.
Post # 16
paula1248 i meant that she wouldnt have to step down if her sister could move the date. Thats what my whole comment was about. Moving the date. that if the date was able to be moved then she could also stay in the wedding party, that she wouldnt be stealing anyones thunder. this wasnt in respose to your comment. Sorry if you thought this.