- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
So, over the past few days, I’ve been feeling really angry at my brother. It sort of came out of nowhere.
My brother and I used to be best friends, about five years ago. He ended up getting married, had a kid, then got divorced. Over the past five years, our relationship begin deteriorating. At first, I was jealous of his wife, because he basically dropped me (and our family) to spend time with her. Then, he accused me of not spending enough time with his kid. (For the past year or so, I’ve been going over to see his kid once a week after that conversation.) Our relationship continued to deteriorate, in spite of that. I could never get him to tell me what was wrong.
For me, over the past five years, I fell in love and recently got married. I also battle a chronic illness on a daily basis.
I guess I’m feeling anger towards my brother for a couple reasons — the main one is that he didn’t lift a finger to help during the wedding. He didn’t do one single thing for the wedding. When he got married five years back, I ran around for 2 months — buying gifts for people (as is the cultural tradition), making his seating chart, meeting with vendors. Not only did he not do a single thing for our wedding, he sent an email (in response to an invitation for our civil ceremony) saying that he couldn’t believe we were having it around the same time his wedding annivesary was, and that we were having it in the same place he proposed. (It was in the same county.) I also learned he was sobbing at our wedding, and had to be escorted out.
Then, he gave us this monetary gift, which I knew was a slap in the face. He has spent hundreds of dollars to fly out for a friend’s wedding this year, and he gave us $101. It’s not the amount of money, but that I know he was trying to make a point by giving us this amount of money. It makes me so mad!
He has also been very rude to me on multiple occasions. He talks to me in a tone that he uses for no one else. He’s super sweet to my cousins and to my parents (although he is making my mom drive 2 hours per week to care for his kid, and she stays for 2 days at his place to care for his kid). *But* around his new girlfriend, he was supersweet to me, givign me a hug and laughing — not showing his usual rudeness or “uncomfortable face.” Everyone says, “Oh give him some time, he’s going through a divorce,” but he manages to be so nice to everyone else except me.
After the wedding, I feel like I do want a relationship with his son. And maybe his new girlfriend, but I’m so fed up with my brother. He knows I have a chronic illness, yet he has not once offered to help me with anything. When he was separating from his wife, I was the one that he called to help him move. And I did help him — arranged for movers, etc. He is always expecting things from me and other people, yet he is so self-centered and focuses just on himself and his son. And he’s perpetually in victim mode — (i.e. poor me, I’m such a tired single dad) even though he has help from my mom.
Just feeling tired of it –and surprisingly angry about it. I’m not quite sure how to interact with him after all this, because I’m so angry about it. Initially, when things were going south between us, I tried everything — asked him to talk to me about what was goign on, invited him to do stuff with me (he refuseD), cried a bunch in front of him, etc.
Now, I’m feeling like I will be there for him in an emergency (and I have — when his son was in ER), but I’m not interested in having a relationship with him. Part of me feels bad about that, because I’m not the type of person to write off family.
Grrr… so angry!!!!