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I don't think it's fair for her to expect you to ONLY think of her wedding -- but I wonder if it's possible that you unintentionally stepped on her toes some.
I have a close coworker who is also planning a wedding right now and it's VERY hard for us to talk about any of our plans together, because it always feels like we're comparing ideas and measuring up how the other person is doing versus our own wedding (we're getting married 2 months apart), and while neither us of likes the weird competitive vibe, it's kind of inevitable, since we're making all the same decisions, and obviously like our own better.
So in your excitement over your own wedding, I wonder if you may have made her feel not good enough or just overly compared, if that makes sense.
I know that's you're excited about your wedding, but you do have a whole year left to be excited - and she can be excited with you once hers is finished, but right now she's probably so wrapped up in trying to get stuff done that she might be feeling like her thunder is being stolen or something.
Weddings are a really emotional time for a lot of women, because we have such high expectations for them, and we're told that they need to be so perfect, and that becomes such a personal thing. I think it's easy to over react or read into stuff related to the wedding. Try to be gracious, since she is your close friend, and surely you care a lot about her!
I think that this is one case where you might need to drop some hints to her that there is a surprise for her. Such as on the fb, reply back to S and say "of course hers is first, we are still working on... =)". And when her FI says that, respond and say "oh yeah, I've got something up the sleeve for her, just haven't worked out the details yet, don't you worry." It will put her mind at ease that you ARE thinking of her.
They need to give you a break. If what you're working on for her is secret well then obviously she's not gonna know about it. But that doesn't mean you can't be excited for your wedding at all. That's just not fair to you.
I'd leave a really cheeky FB reply " shhh it's a top secret project and only people with max. security clearance have full disclosure. , more details to follow.. ' ...make it really playful and go from there.
@ daydreamwanderer: I think you hit the nail on the head. "I think it's easy to over react or read into stuff related to the wedding. Try to be gracious, since she is your close friend, and surely you care a lot about her!" - it is too easy to 'read into' comments made by friends etc when nothing has been directly said by C herself. Plus you're absolutely right about how she is kinda 'down to the wire' for time now and I can't yet appreciate how stressful things might be getting for her - my plans are still evolving and the only stress is we can't find a band we like!
@ loveapril: this is a good idea, but I think I may have to bide my time now so it doens't appear that I'm only reacting because her FI made that comment to me; but I DO have plans which I'm acting on so maybe I should drop a hint or two to put her mind at ease.
Have arranged to go on a day-trip hopefully just C and I next week so maybe we can talk just the two of us and I can put her mind to rest.
Thanks ladies, I feel a bit better now. This was probably my first really serious post to the forums so I'm grateful to know that there really is a lovely supportive community out here!
I really think they are being unfair to you. You are trying to do things for her wedding but they keep blocking you! It is unrealistic for them to think you are not excited about your own wedding.
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Hey ladies, sorry but I need a bit of a vent today, I am a bit annoyed... well actually I feel hurt, by some of my closest friends :(
Some back-story - My best and oldest friend, we'll call her C is getting married in July and I'm a BM (officially I don't think she has a MOH, but if she does I would say it is our mutual friend who we'll call S). C has been engaged for about 3 years now, and since starting to plan her wedding last summer, my Fiance and I got engaged (at Christmas) and so I've also been starting to plan my own wedding.
C has been fairly quiet about her plans; I'm sure she's excited but she doesn't get hyperactively excited about things like invitations and paper decorations in the same way I do... I have offered to help her do various things for her wedding and spent a good evening helping with her Invites.
6 of us are all going for a week's batcherlortte-beach-holiday in June before her wedding in July, which BM S has organised. I offered to organise a night out in our hometown shortly before the wedding, so everyone who couldn't come on holiday would have a chance to celebrate with C; but I have yet to sort this out as it's still 3 months away.
Anyway, this week S has told me that she thinks C is concerned I am concentrating too much on my wedding and not getting organised for hers... I just feel this is a bit unfair since I have asked plenty of times if there's anything else I can help with, and the only reason I can think she's worried is because we're trying to keep most plans a surprise for C so I havent said much about them to her.
About 4 weeks ago I asked S if we should start thinking about the hometown party, and S told me it was TOO EARLY! But now (because I think C said something to her about how I hadn't mentioned that I was sorting it) she is implying that I'm too wrapped up in my own wedding to bother to think about C's!
Basically, last night I posted my status on Facebook as "400 days to go, not that I'm counting" because, funnily enough I am excited about my wedding - nothing wrong with that right?
S has commented on the post saying "That might be so but C's is first so think we should all be concentrating on her for the next 3 months don't you?!!". Then last night we bumped into C's Fiance while on a girls night downtown and he said "just don't forget it's our wedding first ok?" which has got me thinking that C has been venting to him and maybe she really DOES think I'm a crappy BM!
Thing is; I'm worried now when I start talking to C about her wedding/plans for the hometown party do she will think I'm only doing it because S and the fiance has said something, and not because I want to do something to make it special for her! :-(
All I'm really hurt by is that my best friend seemingly can't tell me when I'm being a crap friend! And that now it feels like its a topic of bitching behind my back.
Sigh...
Am I a crappy bridesmaid?