(Closed) “sorry, you are NOT invited”..

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would say that you are having a small ceremony and can’t invite everyone because of budget. maybe talk to them about how the wedding plans are going and that you and your FI have realized that you will not be able to have as large of a ceremony as you thought. Just explain and be sincere people should understand. 

Also I am not a big fan of sending out formal wedding announcements to those people you didn’t invite because it might feel like rubbing it in that they were not invited.

 Have you thought of having a laid back party after the wedding for everyone that you care about that might not have been invited to the wedding? Maybe it can be a backyard thing that you, a family member or good friend could host. 

Post # 4
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

When people ask if they are invited to our wedding FI and I usually say something along the lines of “Oh we would love to have you there, however due to small size of the venue we fell in love with we are unable to invite a lot of our loved ones.  We know that you will be there in spirit and thank you for your well wishes.”  Usually I will smile afterwards adn change the convo, so that they are unable to quetion more about the guest list.  No matter what though some people feel like the are entitled to an invite for whatever reason and are just going to be offended when they hear they are not invited.  Try to let it roll off your back:)

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with Allyser on not sending wedding announcements. If I wasn’t invited to someone’s wedding but got a wedding announcement mailed to be I’d probably be annoyed or not care. It’s not like people don’t know you’re getting married. Why would they care about a formal announcement. I never understood that.

Honestly I woldn’t say anything unless people straight up ask you. I don’t think there’s a need to preemptively tell people they aren’t invited to your wedding. if it comes up, then yes – small venue, budget constraints, etc etc. But I wouldn’t bring it up myself if I wasn’t cornered by someone.

Post # 6
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with not sending the wedding announcement. I wouldn’t feel the need to tell anyone that they weren’t invited to the wedding unless they specifically asked when they should expect their invitation. At that point, feel free to let them know that you’re having a smaller wedding with just very close friends and family and budget restraints don’t allow you to extend them an invitation. Hopefully, you won’t get too many people looking for an invite!

Post # 7
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I wouldn’t send the announcement if they aren’t invited. Explain to them it’s a small wedding, so only a small number of people (close family/friends) can attend.

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thankfully no one has asked me (except for one really really tackless acquantence/friend) directly if they are invited. that might change once my invites go out at the end of the month, but so far we are in the clear.

we are also having a very small wedding relatively speaking (only 120 invited when I alone have about 180 aunts uncles and 1st cousins).

my response for people asking about the wedding or when it is, i say oh we are having fun planning it – and we decided to keep it small and intimate for cost reasons. and then change the subject.

most peopel will let it go after that.

Post # 9
Member
4486 posts
Honey bee

Announcements are traditionally sent after the wedding is over (or mailed the day before the wedding so they reach the intended audience after the wedding) to anyone who is not invited as a way to announce that the marriage took place. Ask your parents or grandparents about these as they were much more commonly sent in those generations (and prior) and were considered commonplace. No one usually gets offended by these. If you say anything to anyone before the wedding, you actually will offend people, but most will hopefully understand. No one should ever expect to be invited. If anyone does ask, simply say you have a tight budget and wish you could invite everyone but unfortunately cannot. If someone is offended by that, they have issues of their own to deal with which have nothing to do with you.

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