Sort-of-spin-off. Bees whose SO's have a large family but don't acknowledge you

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Some of DH’s relatives are like this.  To the point where when I was introduced to someone she didn’t say anything to me, or shake my hand, my hand was just left there, midair.

We just don’t have much to do with those relatives.  If we are invited to an event with ones who speak to me, great, we’ll go.  I remain polite to everyone, but don’t expect anything from them, and don’t go out of my way for them.

It does get frustrating at times, especially as these are the ones who hit up FIL for money all the time, because family is so super important and you gotta help family out. *eyeroll*

Post # 4
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

GreenBayBee: I have this problem. We also try to invite and include but they just don’t show up. As in, they say they will be there, we cook for them, no show. BUT when we see them at gatherings it all “OH! It’s so good to see you!” Mmmmhmmm… 

To be honest the family is very… we will say strick in their religious views. They HATE that we live together. So much so that if the FI is alone with them they preach at him about his decisions, ask what type of woman I am (come on, we all know that is code for asking if I am a whore), question my religion, ask if my FI knows that I am prochoice and if he is ok with my beign against god (I am politically active, so the few that are FB friends spread the word). So I get very upset. We try to include them simply to make our lives easier and honestly let them get to know me. I am a good woman and good to my FI. 

But we are done trying now.

The worst part is that my FMIL told me “Not to worry. Once you two are married they will include you in everything.” Thanks but no thanks. If you can’t be kind and open with me now I really don’t need that type of negativity in my life.

So while a cousin lives on our street, we have zero contact now.

OH MAN! EDIT! Forgot, one cousin I met at a fish fry, I cam inside cause it was over 100 degrees and I was standing there with her, made a comment liek WOOOO Hot out there! Had to get out of the heat.

She eye balls me up and down, then says, “You aren’t a country girl are you? I pray that my girls grow up nothing like you!” Fake laugh fake laugh

I almost lost it, she knew nothing about me including that I was raised on a farm, traveled the country praticipating in 4H and still judge livestock show activly in my community. So yeh, i’m a country girl and F you.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Olgarie.
Post # 5
Member
10495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

GreenBayBee:  Yeah, they are something special.

At least for the most part, we’re a generation removed from most of it, so DH gave up a long time ago.  It still frustrates me at times though, like grandma was a no show at our wedding, but then she was telling everyone we were getting divorced less than a year later – which was really about another couple who weren’t even married.  I guess she just couldn’t believe that the teenage parents that she adored would actually be breaking up, so it must have been us and someone gave her the wrong names.

Post # 7
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

GreenBayBee:  OH MAN! That sucks. One of the really old ones asked the FI if I was a commie cause my name is of russian origin. Gotta laugh off ignorance or you will lose your sanity.

Post # 9
Member
10495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

GreenBayBee:  That sucks when it’s more personal.  It was my MIL who had that, so it’s not like I’m getting the brunt of anything because I’m me, it’s because DH is MIL’s child.

Post # 11
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

We live far enough away from everyone (90 miles) that’s it’s more understandable when they don’t always keep in touch or come over every time we invite them. What gets to me is being left out of other things by them because we live 90 miles away, sure we may not make every event or be around all the time but that’s for us to decide. So often we don’t get invited because “Well, we didn’t think you would come from your city for ____ event”, well how will you ever know if you don’t even invite us?

I was also kind of hurt when I asked my MIL what her and my SIL were planning for getting their hair done when we all go out east for my BIL’s wedding. Their response was that oh they all made plans with FSIL to get their hair done at her mother’s house before the wedding. Well, would have been nice to include me too. My MIL then said she would ask FSIL if I could still be included, my response from FSIL was “Here’s some salons near your hotel”. So, I guess I’m not included with the rest of the women in the family. I also found out at the last minute that FSIL doesn’t want guest especially family wearing her wedding colors to the wedding…so I had to find a new dress since I was planning on wearing a LBD, black is one of her colors and she doesn’t want people to think I might be a bridesmaid. Seriously was tempted to just show up in my LBD dress anyway! But aside from venting here, I am keeping it mostly between DH and I so I don’t cause any drama.

Post # 13
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

My FI has a huge italian family that’s all up in eachother’s business but, for the most part, I don’t think they even know my name except for his grandma. His own only sister could care less about me, even though he swears she likes me. We’ve been dating for 4 years and I see her about twice a year when she lives 2 hours away. She could not be bothered to come to any of the showers because she is too tired or too busy or something of the sort.. His parents are like my second parents. His home is my second home. (or 3rd i guess?) Everyone else sucks.

Post # 15
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

GreenBayBee:  FI isn’t really close with his family, so that kind of translates over onto me. He is somewhat close with his immediate family: Mother, brother, sister, and dad, but doesn’t speak to his other brother at all. As far as extended family, we only ever see them during holidays, although due to personal issues going on in my own family over the past year and a half, we have sacrificed holidays with his family to spend them exclusively with mine. It definitely irks me a bit that his immediate family isn’t closer to him and us. They just seem, as a whole, majorly disinterested in our lives. His mother couldn’t even remember the date of our wedding. He used to be very, very close to his brother, but over the past couple of years they’ve started growing apart and have stopped speaking regularly. It doesn’t seem to bother FI or his brother, but as an outsider, I can definitely see how their relationship is changing for the worse. I used to hope that once we got engaged it would force his family to be closer to us, maybe make them WANT to interact with us, but now I’m finding that is not the case. My only fear is when I look ahead to when I have children. They will grow up so close to my family, but possible strangers to FI’s family. That kind of breaks my heart :/

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