Post # 1
So my SO’s brother recently got engaged. Before the engagement he asked my SO if he could borrow $8,000 for the E-Ring because he wanted to have it in time to propose at a family event that was coming up. My SO of course lent him the money.
His brother and fiancee are now house hunting and put an offer down on a house, but it was raised on them and now his brother contacted him asking him for a “huge favor”….. my SO obviously things he wants to borrow money again.
It just really upsets me that his brother only contacts him when he needs something and almost always takes advantage of him because he knows my SO will do anything for him or anybody else at that matter. I know it is his family, but even my SO mentioned how his brother only gets in touch when he needs something. And honestly… why are you getting engaged and buying a house if you can’t afford it? Plus we are not talking about a few hundred dollars here, we are talking THOUSANDS! It is not the borrowing money so much that upsets me because I know he will pay him back, its just the fact that he could care less about my SO if he wasn’t able to help him out and I know my SO is hurt by it but doesn’t talk about it.
Thanks- just had to vent!
Post # 3
@Stranger516: Wow! I don’t blame you for being upset! This would probably make me livid. I’m of the school of thought that if you can’t afford it then go without and save for a bit longer. I’d actually be so mad at FI if I found out he had to borrow money for my ring.
Post # 4
OMG I’d be fuming. 8 grand for a ring is not pocket change, that is far more than necessary especially for someone who needs to borrow it. NOw a house? Please help your SO see the light. It’s money he should use for his future, he worked very hard for it.
Post # 5
I hope he paid him back!
If he is asking for money, you both should remind him that if you don’t have money for something then obviously you will just have to wait until you do! Just like eeeeeveryone else. That should hopefully stop the pleas for cash.
Sounds like he doesn’t know how to accept the fact he can’t afford something… Tell him when the price goes up on a house, then you move onto one you can afford- and that is being said knowing he’s asked for big bucks already before. His bad money managing should not become your problems!
Post # 7
I don’t get how someone could be in the financial position to afford an $8,000 ring and a house but not be in the position to save it up ahead of time? I mean, that’s a pretty expensive ring! And if he can’t afford to save $8,000 for a ring, how can he afford all of the costs of homeownership? Buying a house is more than just scraping together a downpayment… there are closing costs, homeowner’s insurance, money set aside for repairs, taxes… I mean, FI and I are saving to buy a house right now, but we know that we’re going to need to save up a lot more than just the exact amount of the down payment before we’re ready to buy.
I’d just be worried that if someone is financially irresponsible enough to borrow thousands of dollars like that instead of saving for it, they’d be financially irresponsible enough not to repay the loan.
Post # 8
I think you and your SO need to lay down the law. You are not a bank.
Post # 9
Family members borrowing money often has a very bad outcome. If the brother has to borrow money for the down-payment, he shouldn’t be buying that house, end of story.
Post # 11
Thanks for all the replies.
The kicker is: The ring his brother bought was actually $11,000 all together!!! He paid $3k and borrowed the majority ($8k) from my SO. His brother and ESPECIALLY his brothers fiance are very materialistic people to begin with. Plus they showcase their belongings and expensive vacations on facebook, meanwhile they can’t afford half of it. I loved when she was flaunting the ring and couldn’t stop thinking she was wearing a ring my SO pretty much paid for at the time!
Luckily his brother hasn’t contacted him again in regards to this “huge favor” he needed and my SO isn’t going to go out of his way to see what it was that he wanted. My SO already said he would tell him he can’t afford to be lending him any more money back and forth since after all he is saving up too. His fiance is also in debt of around $150,000 dollars from undergrad & graduate school, and instead of paying off the loans first they go looking for a house and want to borrow money? What balls. And not very smart but then again, neither of them are.
Post # 12
Oh I know the feeling of FBIL “borrowing” money for stupid crap and he doesn’t work bc his GF won’t let him lol!! Pretty much a live in nanny if you ask me at almost 30….. It is not thousands but still we never see it again… and only contacting us for “favors”. While his GF is wearing new rings or whatever. It’s like “you need the $$ so bad but she is going out and buying sh**!” While they have their 3 y/o at home too. Ughhh!! So annoying and petty. But just keep ur head up and tell SO no way is he lending out that hard earned money so they can get a house. I would be furious as well!!! I get mad over $100 lol!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I would NOT have been lending him money for an ering like that. If he can’t afford it, he can’t buy it IMO. BUT this is ultimately your FI’s battle if you’re worried about the brother only contacting your FI when he needs something
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
@Stranger516: Has he paid your SO back for the ring yet? And there is a possibility that he doesn’t want money this time but wants someone to co-sign for him to vouch for him on the house.
Post # 15
Geez! She’s not gonna die if she doesn’t get a ring at all, much less if not in time for a family event. If you have to borrow from family members, you don’t need to be buying jewelry.
Post # 16
Your SO’s relationship with his brother isn’t really any of your business. If it bothers him that his brother only contacts him when he wants something then that’s something they need to work out on their own. As for the money, that is your business if you are married or sharing bank accounts. If that’s the case then you need to sit down with him and tell him any major loans, purchases, or investments need to be agreed to by both of you first. If that’s not the case, then you need to mind your business.