- 5 years ago
Going anon so as not to be recognized or traced by my usual account, but I have a bit of a unique situation.
Years ago I married young and two years ago we separated. Our divorce was finalized last year, but early this year we started to rekindle our relationship. The earlier separation/divorce was something I had pushed for and I feel like it was because I married so young and one day felt like I was missing out on some vital growing up/alone time as an adult. In hindsight, it was maybe not the best decision, but it was something I “had” to do and get out of my system. I never, ever cheated or strayed while we were together, but after the legal separation I did go out with a number of guys – just casual dating and such, one or two times I met a guy I dated for a couple of months, but there was nothing serious or remotely comparable to what I had with my ex. So around Valentine’s, we realized a lot of the anger and resentment we had held over the last two years was a mistake, separation was a mistake, and we slowly started to see each other again. At the beginning of the summer, we moved back in together and things were going great. It was like were young and in love (and lust) again. I can honestly say I have now dated the other guys I supposedly “missed out” on and I never should have thought the grass was greener in the first place, but I guess I had to see that for myself to really appreciate him.
However, over the last couple of weeks my S/O has begun to change his behavior in some ways. The first thing is, we bought tickets to a concert series with one or two concerts a month all summer long. When we are there, he NEVER lets me go somewhere (bathroom, concessions, etc.) by myself. He will always tag along and if he needs to get something, he wants me to go with him. Two weeks ago, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and in the middle of the meal her ex husband (the four of us were all friends at one point) calls her and asks, “Is 2beeanon there with you?” Come to find out, my S/O had called him and asked him to make that call to her to make sure I was really where I said I was. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he wants me to be home with him and doesn’t see why I need to go out with other people that aren’t him. Keep in mind that this was a GIRL friend who I have known longer than him (since high school). I also noticed my phone messages and FB messages have been read, but I have nothing to hide and it wasn’t worth the fight so I never brought it up to him.
The last straw, however, was this past week. I got a text message to my phone that read, “This is a service message from PHONE COMPANY. Your location can now be tracked by *S/O’s # here*”. I freaked out at work, but have not brought it up to him. However this is honestly a potential deal breaker to me. I could see if I had cheated on him, talked to guys I had dated during our separation, etc. but I NEVER have and I have NEVER done anything behind his back, like even talked to guys or whatever, that he could potentially be jealous about.
What would you Bees do about this? Is this acceptable, a deal breaker, somewhere in between? I am independent and although I love him and was unhappy without him last time, I’m not sure I can put up with this. However, he is the father of my young children and they are much happier with him “home” again. He is a wonderful dad, but I don’t want my daughters thinking that they should put up with behavior like that as they grow older and enter their own relationships. It would be different if we were young and stupid, but we’re 30 something now and this is crazy to me.