S/O's Controlling Behavior…Acceptable?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If my man started that kind of controlling behavior, I would insist that he (a) stop immediately and (b) get counselling for his own insecurities. I would be very afraid that his behavior would accelerate. Isolating a spouse is often the first step in increasing controlling and potentially abusive behavior.


Post # 4
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@2beeanon:  If he cannot trust you for whatever his insecuries are, that is not acceptable in my book.  You have a family together and he doesn’t trust your movements and whereabouts!!  Tracking your phone???  Really??  You are not the problem, he is.  You shouldn’t be “spied on” because he has an issue within himself.  Try talking to him and asking why he feels he needs to do this, and then tell him that it is unacceptable for you.  If he cannot find some trust in you, then there is nothing.  I would be pissed if someone thought it was okay to track my phone.  I am so sorry you have to deal with this.


ETA…..what you did in the past.  Is just that the past.  If he cannot let that go, again no trust means there is nothing!!


Post # 5
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@2beeanon:  He told me that he wants me to be home with him and doesn’t see why I need to go out with other people that aren’t him.

This would not be ok with me. It’s very controlling. I would suggest you talk to him and get yourselves into counseling at a minimum. If things don’t improve I would leave. 

Post # 6
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow I am sorry you are going through this. When I read the part about him tracking you my jaw dropped! You are an individual, you are allowed to have some privacy. Especially when you know you are not doing anything wrong, it makes you feel even worse and villanized.


To answer your question, no it is not acceptable. It isn’t acceptable for him to track you, not allow you to go to the bathroom alone, to have your friends keep tabs on you or any of this other ridiculous behavior. His actions say he doesn’t trust you, and he doesn’t want to treat you like an adult.


Your situation is made a lot harder because of the children. If you don’t want to split up your family again, try and having a frank conversation with him and insist on couples counseling. if that doesn’t work, then I don’t think you should EVER put up with it. You have bad history with him and it’s rearing its ugly head again. I love what you said about teaching your daughters, they look to you as a role model. Sooner or later they will catch on to what dad does, and they shouldn’t be taught that it is ok.


Post # 7
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

The first part – not wanting you to go places at the concerts without him – woudn’t bother me because I’d see it as a potential safety concern. 

All the rest of it… definitely a possible deal breaker, unless he was willling to change. You need to sit him down and talk about it ASAP!

Post # 8
6977 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have you sat him down and had a serious talk about all of this? Tracking my phone would be a SERIOUS issue for me. I’d insist on counseling or something…he obviously has some serious trust issues.

Post # 9
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@2beeanon:  It’s only going to get worse if you don’t take control of the situation now. 

Post # 10
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would leave. Doesn’t seem like a habit he would break easily.  He may just find sneakier ways of stalking you.

Best of luck.



Post # 11
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@2beeanon:  This is very unhealthy behavior. I agree with the PP that said he needs counseling but I am unsure I’d give him that chance. On my mother’s side of the family, every woman has been in a controlling (and ultimately, abusive relationship). My mother’s was before my father and that man acted like this (prior to cell phones) with her and she said she thought it was sweet and preotective (she was young). When she had finally gotten the nerve to break up with him because she finally realized it wasn’t healthy, he stalked her and beat her up in the hallway of her apartment building. This story was the “cautionary tale” my parents told me to help me understand that no one has the right to know or control your every move.

I would at least tell him he needs to go to counseling before you can move further in your relationship. You do not want your daughter (and son, if you have one) thinking this is what a healthy relationship looks like.

Post # 12
3845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Unacceptable behavior.  The children are happy with him home simply because it is familiar.  

Will he one day treat them the same way – as if they were untrustworthy – as they grow up? I don’t think that is good….  Right now you and he are modelling a relationship to your kids – one that isn’t healthy.

He is assuming the worst for no reason – that’s not fair.

Post # 13
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁 His behavior is unacceptable and I’d recommend counseling, as his behavior is raising many red flags, in my opinion.

Post # 14
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This behaviour is definitely unacceptable…especially the phone tracking (that is beyond creepy) I would be ringing the phone company about that and demand they remove it. Your SO needs a reality check or he is going to loose you. 

Post # 15
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@2beeanon:  #1 He’s super controlling and it’s only going to get worse.  OR  #2 He’s finding the time to cheat on you so he figures if he has the time and energy to cheat you do too.

Neither scenario is good.  I recommend dumping him.  It’s unlikely that thie behavior is going to change with counseling.

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