- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
Damnit! I didn’t want waiting to affect me this way, but it’s too late.
So, I am a bit nervous that my SO will not propose within our timeline, which is May of this year or in his words “before summer”. I was confident in him meeting the timeline up until a couple of weeks ago when we had a talk about finances. We are planning to pay off some bills and also saving for a vacation (it’s actually a destination wedding we are going to) in July. He ended up sharing with me, kind of accidentally, how much credit card debt he has. Well, it’s more than I’m comfortable with and more than I ever knew he had. He just got the credit card a year ago and has already run it up! Now I know he has a kind of expensive hobby (that I won’t get into), and I know he was spending a lot of money on it, but what I didn’t know was that it was causing him to go into the hole! This made me so mad, sad, and worried.
I’m mad that he was so irresponsible and ran up this much debt knowing we have things planned, I’m sad that it will probably delay our engagement, and I’m worried about managing finances with him in the future.
Learning this info has affected me greatly over the past couple of weeks. I have been kind of withdrawn and overly expressing my concern about his financial situation, which is irritating to him (but he can’t blame me!). The other thing is that it has kind of made me pull away in the bedroom (sorry if TMI). We live together and I haven’t really had an issue up until this point, but I was raised to believe that sex should be between a husband and wife. Now I can’t say i’ve been living by that principle, but my conscience kind of gets to me from time to time. Knowing that he is the man I’ll marry helps me not to think about it too much, but now that I know the engagement timeline may be prolonged, it is making me think twice about regularly sleeping with him with the promise of engagement and marriage now at risk due to the financial situation.
I don’t know what to do. Men take that kind of rejection hard, and I don’t want to seem as if I’m punishing him. But I feel that he let me down and I can’t help my emotional reaction. And he hasn’t let me down just yet. I mean, he has at least 4 more months to make something happen….but I foresee him not being able to buy a ring now that he’s put himself in such a financial bind. And even if he found a way to get me a ring, I’d feel terrible knowing he spent his money on that instead of paying down his cc debt.
I should also add that we’ve had a few heart-to-heart conversations about finances and are both on a budget that he has been following wonderfully since the beginning of the year (2012)! And he gets upset that I don’t give him credit for this, but I keep thinking about what he did in 2011 to get himself in this predicament and it makes me mad every time I think about it! I know I need to move forward, just struggling a bit.
I know we will work through this, but I’m not sure if I should be the one to bring it up and propose solutions….or let him do it on his own (which could be risky b/c clearly he needs help). I also don’t want to change how I act toward him. I love him so much (and he shows me every day that he loves me and is committed to us) and he’s been doing really good since the new year, making so many positive changes. This is not the time for me to start acting funny! I really want to get it together so I can support him, and we can move forward. I just need to get past my emotions.
Really just needed to share/vent. Thanks bees. Advice welcomed 🙂