- 5 years ago
I’m going anonymous for this post as I am concerned that one of the people in question may also be on here.
I need some advice on what to do about my SO’s friend that has been very hurtful to us over the last year or so. SO has been friends with him for 8 years and tries to just ignore the changes that have happened, but I’m tired of letting this friend and their FI hurt us.
About a year ago, SO was living with this friend as he had been doing for a year previous to that. They seemed to be getting along just great until the friend suddenly changed. He became very secretive and desperate to find a girlfriend (he had never seriously dated anyone before). He also suddenly became very religious and would start fights with SO (who is nonreligious) about it. SO did not want to break their lease so he stuck it out until it ended and then we moved in together.
During this time, the friend started dating a girl from church who seemed nice. SO would hang out with the two of them sometimes and it seemed good. They ended up getting engaged (I thought) very quickly and are having a somewhat short engagement of only a few months.
SO and I never had a problem with this friend or his now FI until somewhat recently. We were happy that the friend found someone and I was happy that there might be another girl in our group of guy friends so SO and I made effort to try to invite them to things. We continue to make this effort despite reservations that I have about continuing efforts after being hurt multiple times.
This friend no longer hangs out with SO or me. We invite them to things every once in a while to attempt to maintain the friendship, but they continue to blow us off. If we invite them to something in a short timeframe, they say that they’re busy. If we give them advanced notice, they pretend that they forgot about it…..every time! They have lied to us repeatedly and are stupid enough to get caught. All I wanted was to be nice to my SO’s friends!
The real problem with this situation is that it’s made complicated by the fact that this friend asked SO to be a groomsman in their wedding in a few months. SO wants to make every effort to be nice so he accepted this request. I do not want to be misconstrued as some psycho bitch so I’ve tried to go along with it and have never considered having SO drop out even though I’m pretty sure he was only asked to fill numbers (the bride wants 10!! bridesmaids and the groom did not have 10 friends to ask).
I just don’t know what to do. I’m tired of being hurt and I don’t want to be the one to ask SO to break his friendship (which is hurting him too), but I feel like we can only do so much. If they aren’t interested in being friends with us, then we should just let them go. I know that if SO drops out of the wedding, that will definitely be the end of that. SO could try talking to his friend about the lies, but I’m worried that will just get more lies and we’ll be right back where we are now.
I’m not trying to scare off my SO’s friend. I get along great with all of his other friends and he gets along with mine, it’s just this one couple (really the guy only) that’s problematic. What should I do?
Thanks for reading to anyone who got this far! I can’t deal with months worth of this. Neither SO nor I deserve it.