- 7 years ago
I think you need to take some time and do some growing up. You had a fight with your fiance so you called your ex, that’s fairly immature and hurtful. You’re also talking to everyone BUT your fiance.
You and your ex have been broken up for four years and are different people. He put his career above having a “perfect relationship” (it’s possible to have both). What is there to like about that? Maybe you’re just not ready to get married and need some time alone. Something else to consider is when you were with your ex you were much younger, there may have been less pressure in your life (bills, work, etc..) so the relationship was much easier.
Wow! I think you need to break the engagement and spend about 6 months deciding who and what you want. FI might wait for you to decide what you want and he might not, and you have to be okay with that. What you don’t want to do is get caught up in the momentum of the wedding and get married for the wrong reasons. You need to realize that you could very well end up with neither of these guys and that is okay to. You owe it to your FI to know he is the one.
You are not at fault for calling him, we all do unreasonable things when we’re emotional. But doubting something that you have for definite and to chase after a wild dream is probably the most immature thing one can do. Your ex is not excatly the perfect gentleman, otherwise, why would he suggest another chance if he wants you to be happy?
I don’t believe in soulmate in anywya, I think like Monica said in Friends, some people are more suited together than other, and to have that so called ‘perfect” relaitonship, you must work for it. Nothing, ever, come to you on a silver platter. and I believe if you talk to your husband and tell him about everything, not only will it work out, you will both come out of this stronger.
I think that if you’re having doubts right now that you should take a break from your FI. Maybe you DO need to see your ex to see how you feel about him. If I were in your position, I don’t know if I’d be able to stay in a relationship with someone and always be wondering “what if” about someone else. Ultimately, it’s your decision.
I think that if you are doubting it, then you need to think about it. Having doubts is natural. I dont think there is anything wrong with “giving up the sure thing”, just make sure if you do its not a “grasses are always greener” situation.
You dont want to settle just because its working now and its comfortable. But you dont want to run away for something that may not be what you expect it to be.
Remember you dont have to be with everyone you love. That may be in reference to your fiance or your ex. Not all love is the same, nor should it be. But at the end of the day don’t do anything until you are sure.
It might be good for you to go an talk with someone about your feelings.
Have you ever gone to a therapist? Maybe figure out what you feel you are “missing” and why you are drawn to this old ex.
Also, talk with your FI about your sex life. Ask him how he would like to spice it up? Maybe talk about fantasies, role play, anything to re-ignite the spark.
How long were you with your ex? Over time, sex will dwindle and sometimes it takes work to reinvigorate the relationship.
I think you need to take some time to examine yourself.
EvergreenSelena….thank you. I think yours is the only post that I felt real compassion and understanding.
It’s a confusing time for me right now and while I appreciate everyone else taking the time to comment, clearly I shouldn’t have posted here. Feel free to use the rest of the thread to talk about me as you see fit.
Edit: Wow….EVERYONE who posted after Evergreen thank you as well. I will certainly think about the things you’ve said, especially about the grass being greener and possibly talking to someone. The first few initial posts were really a jolt and seemed a little harsh. I am glad to know there are other bees who have a bit more gentle touch, especially when posting in the emotional section.
@ohheavenly…since it was a post about me, I think we’re all talking about me lol. If you’re not then who are you talking about? And my darling, if you read my second post, you will see that I said I made a mistake my posting which is why I deleted it. You’re right, I’m wrong…I shouldn’t have posted. The End.
@MrsGrape And it’s not a crime for me to suggest that evergreen’s post (along with several below hers) seemed much more compassionate and empathetic than the others. Anywho, the post has been deleted. Would you like to continue discussing something that doesn’t exist?
@forevermore: I really take issue with your statement because I, for one, thought my response was compassionate and logical. I guess I don’t understand what you are wanting to hear. Please go back and read my entry again. I really think you are being defensive for no reason.
thank you for posting burris4
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