(Closed) Deleted

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you need to take some time and do some growing up. You had a fight with your fiance so you called your ex, that’s fairly immature and hurtful. You’re also talking to everyone BUT your fiance.

 You and your ex have been broken up for four years and are different people. He put his career above having a “perfect relationship” (it’s possible to have both). What is there to like about that? Maybe you’re just not ready to get married and need some time alone. Something else to consider is when you were with your ex you were much younger, there may have been less pressure in your life (bills, work, etc..) so the relationship was much easier.

Post # 4
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Wow!  I think you need to break the engagement and spend about 6 months deciding who and what you want.  FI might wait for you to decide what you want and he might not, and you have to be okay with that.  What you don’t want to do is get caught up in the momentum of the wedding and get married for the wrong reasons.  You need to realize that you could very well end up with neither of these guys and that is okay to.  You owe it to your FI to know he is the one.

Post # 5
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@maureen9004: You just said everything I was going to say.

Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

You are not at fault for calling him, we all do unreasonable things when we’re emotional. But doubting something that you have for definite and to chase after a wild dream is probably the most immature thing one can do. Your ex is not excatly the perfect gentleman, otherwise, why would he suggest another chance if he wants you to be happy?

I don’t believe in soulmate in anywya, I think like Monica said in Friends, some people are more suited together than other, and to have that so called ‘perfect” relaitonship, you must work for it. Nothing, ever,  come to you on a silver platter. and I believe if you talk to your husband and tell him about everything, not only will it work out, you will both come out of this stronger.

Post # 7
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsFuzzyFace: well said.  And I also agree with you and Mrs. Grape. Also, remember: Divorces are expensive and often messy for everyone involved.  

good luck and hope it works out the best for you and all those involved. 

Post # 8
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think that if you’re having doubts right now that you should take a break from your FI. Maybe you DO need to see your ex to see how you feel about him. If I were in your position, I don’t know if I’d be able to stay in a relationship with someone and always be wondering “what if” about someone else. Ultimately, it’s your decision.

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think that if you are doubting it, then you need to think about it. Having doubts is natural. I dont think there is anything wrong with “giving up the sure thing”, just make sure if you do its not a “grasses are always greener” situation.

You dont want to settle just because its working now and its comfortable.  But you dont want to run away for something that may not be what you expect it to be.  

Remember you dont have to be with everyone you love. That may be in reference to your fiance or your ex.  Not all love is the same, nor should it be. But at the end of the day don’t do anything until you are sure.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It might be good for you to go an talk with someone about your feelings.

Have you ever gone to a therapist? Maybe figure out what you feel you are “missing” and why you are drawn to this old ex.

Also, talk with your FI about your sex life. Ask him how he would like to spice it up? Maybe talk about fantasies, role play, anything to re-ignite the spark.

How long were you with your ex? Over time, sex will dwindle and sometimes it takes work to reinvigorate the relationship.

I think you need to take some time to examine yourself.

Post # 12
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@forevermore:

My darling, you asked for advice. They gave it. Hearing something you don’t want to hear does not mean they were talking about you.

Post # 13
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@forevermore: I don’t think anyone was unsupportive or not compassionate. It’s not a crime to suggest that someone in your position should A) Talk to her fiance and B) take some time to mature and do some self-examination.

Post # 15
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@forevermore:  I really take issue with your statement because I, for one, thought my response was compassionate and logical.  I guess I don’t understand what you are wanting to hear.  Please go back and read my entry again.  I really think you are being defensive for no reason.

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