(Closed) sound too “xxx” ?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It does sound a little odd, and if people aren’t savvy enough to realize their children aren’t invited from the guests listed on the envelope, then they probably won’t get this hint, either.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Etiquette-wise you are not supposed to say that on an invitation. As far as what to do, I would suggest having a babysitter available for the people who travel or at least a list for them to choose from. I also posted that information on the wedding website and made sure my mother and FMIL knew to pass along the word.

I do not want children at the reception either— it isn’t that I don’t like kids, but I doubt they will want to eat what I’m offering and I’m too cheap to pay for a seperate menu. I’m having a seperate "kids party" reception… basically babysitting for those that couldnt get any sitters, with pizza and teenagers (my friend’s daughter and her girlfriends) watching the kids.  This way I have provided for no children. At first, my sister was a bit taken aback as she will be a new mom and wanted to know about feeding the babies & other kids, etc… and I was like ummm that is what the sitters are for??? Some people will be offended no matter how you do it. It just depends on how tactful you are upfront. And stand your ground. Once you allow one kid (nephew, niece, infant, whatever!) word will get out and you (or your mom) will definitely get snarky phone calls.

Nonetheless, whatever you choose, good luck!

Post # 6
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I totally understand sweeney with the way the numbers keep growing with every couple we invite I wish I could have a kid-free recepetion or at least ask them not to eat :).

Post # 7
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

maybe instead of writing "adult reception," you could put something down like, "we have reserved _2_ seats for you." after addressing the invite to just the parents and then seeing that you’re only expecting the mr. and the mrs. to attend, maybe they’ll get the hint? it’s a tough call though. just try to make sure the info gets out through word-of-mouth.     

Post # 8
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

im having the same problem too since my cousins kids are the same age as my cousins in some cases, and we all hang out together, where do you draw the line? how do i invite some kids (my first cousins) while my cousins kids are at all the same events, but i dont want to spend another $1000 on half eaten chicken fingers and fries for 2 yr olds. not fun.

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I’m on a tight budget as well… aprx $6500 (upped from 5000 when I decided to fire my wedding planner and had to eat the deposit and had to buy crap I was going to rent from her BAH!).  But I figure the extra $300 I’m spending on the "kid party" is worth it… (200 for the sitters and 100 for pizza) no left over/ wasted chicken fingers here! As far as where we are putting them- the hotel we are having our guests stay at is providing us with a free room as a "converted guest room" i.e. a room without a bed in it and with a fridge. I’m only covering for children under 10… parents with older kids will have to pay for their own sitter- I got a list of people available by putting up a flyer at a couple colleges in town (college kids= cheap sitters!). I have eight nieces and nephews and would literally be mobbed because my siblings would probably put a bridezilla hit on me HAHA!

 

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee

In our reply cards, we put "___ of ____ will attend".  This was our subtle attempt at inviting adults only.  We figure regardless of what we write on the cards, there will still be those individuals who don’t get it so we’ll need to have those conversations anyways.  At least this way, we don’t offend others who do get it.

Post # 11
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I wanted a kid free reception too but with most of under 12 guests being out of town guests and most being babies, it is just not possible to ask their parents not to bring them.  Besides, as my grandmother said, that is where they learn to become socilaiized to large groups.  I have decided to emabrace my little guests and I am providing kid friendly favours to those that will be attending.  I just hope that most parents will realize that my reception, being a wine and cheese, dance and late lunch, is not really kid friendly itself and will manage to find a baby sitter. The bigger issue that I have with kids is the ceremony, there is nothing more irritaiting to me than a squwacking baby while the bride and groom try to savour the moment of saying their vows.  I would rather have the children at the reception.

Post # 12
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008

i luv the idea of providing a room and babysitters to those people who are bringing their children. they will have more fun knowing that their children are safe and having fun. i think i’m going to do that too except for my cousin and his wife who are coming from out of town and will have a 5 month old baby.

Post # 13
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I’ve been really surprised at how many of our friends have called specifically to ask if their children are invited, and how pretty much every one of them has said, "It’s OK if they’re not, we just need to know so we can make arrangements."  I was expecting quite a struggle, but so far it’s been good.  Of course, I only have a small fraction of our response cards back, so it may yet become an issue :-).

We didn’t put anything on the invitation or the response card, and pretty much relied on the envelope and word of mouth (fortunately his family was so astonished by our decision not to invite children that the word spread like wildfire).  I think it helps that we are not having a flower girl or ringbearer–I felt very strongly that either all the kids are invited, or none.  Since inviting all the kids meant inviting something like 25-30 kids, we elected to invite none

Post # 14
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

hot topic for us, too.  I don’t think you should write "adults only", but use your response card and word of mouth.  Our response card is set up like this:

M___________

accept with pleasure

__ attending

decline with regret

so they can fill in the number, and if that number happens to be more than 2, I can give them a call and set things straight.  I think it is a little less pushy than going the "___ of ___ " route, plus you have to think about the number, which may make them think twice and check about the kids.

 We are inviting all of our first cousins (a few happen to be kids), but no other children.  I have a lot of older first cousins who have been happy little productive bunnies, and adding their children (and other misc. kids) would add about 30 to our guest list.  Considering that I don’t even know most of these kids (and to be frank, am not even close with their parents) I don’t have regrets about not including them.  I’m sure there will be some backfire down the line, but we are staying firm.  Now, if only I could get my FMIL to give up her neighbors from 15 years ago….

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