Post # 1
My SO and I have talked timeline and agreed that 6/28 was our deadline. June 28 is when I am expected to give 60 day written notice to my apartment that I will not be renewing. I didn’t want to sign away my apartment without a commitment, since we agreed we would not live together until engaged. Technically my last day in my apartment is Aug 28.
SO was up front about not wanting to start the process until we hit 2 years in April. At that point he started educating himself on diamonds. He’s a studious type that researches everything. So at the end of April he approached me about what sort of rings I liked. I told him and sent him a few pics, since then he has been looking for designers. I want a very specific prong setting and he struggled w finding a designer. I know he was actively looking throughout May. And that he told his fam on Mother’s Day that he was planning to propose to me at some pt. Memorial Day he started cleaning out his entire house and donating & selling truckfuls of stuff so that we’d have room for all my stuff once we live together at the end of Aug. He’s been talking furniture and decorating.
However, he has not asked my dad for his blessing (they talked 3 hrs last wk, all within earshot so I know it didn’t come up). He has made several comments about still looking for ring. Just yesterday I talked about a friend who went to Europe on a girls trip when her (now husband) missed their deadline. He begged me “please don’t go to Europe without me, I’m working on it, I promise”. Just a few mins ago he made a joke that “I was gonna use that money to pay for the ring”. All these comments point to: he is going to miss the deadline.
It’s hard to accept bc I knew the diamond and ring process would take longer than he anticipated, knowing how OCD and crazy he is about being educated before a large purchase. Knowing that I liked a ring w a very specific element. But what could I do? He told me he understood the deadline and he wanted to hit 2 years before beginning the proposal process.
So now here I am, really almost 95% positive that it won’t happen before 6/28. And I know it’s an arbitrary date, he’s given me every reason to believe a proposal is forthcoming….just hinges on the ring….but I am going to be disappointed. Even now, he hasn’t even missed the deadline but I’m having a hard time acting normal knowing he will. I am trying to mentally prepare but it’s making me resentful.
I feel like such a brat, this man is spending who knows how many thousands of dollars to get me the ring I want and I’m fixated on 1 random day. I just wasn’t mentally prepared to go into July not being engaged. We’re going back to my hometown in 3 weeks for a friend’s wedding and I’d expected to be engaged when I went…. Silly and petty and selfish I suppose.
Am I a brat for my feelings? How do I act normal? I have such a hard time hiding my feelings in general and I can’t hide them from him. He knows the second anything is off w me and will ask and ask and ask until I either make up an excuse to leave or break down and tell him. I’m just bummed and the control freak in me is annoyed. I hate this whole waiting process. Ugh sorry for the long vent.
Post # 2
Have him propose without a ring? Otherwise, yes, if your special princess moment hinges on him having a ring in hand, you are being a brat.
Post # 3
You are absolutely being a brat. And I wouldn’t ever take your friends advice.
If he had not done any work or shown any effort, that is one thing. But he is actively making an effort here and you wanted a specific prong. This is a ring that you’ll have for a while, it shouldn’t be rushed just to meet an arbitrary deadline.
You know he’s going to propose, let it go. Live your life. Let him surprise you and take the time needed to get the perfect ring made. It’ll happen.
Post # 4
Deadlines are ridiculous anyway. If you know it is coming, then do as PP said, or just go ahead and move in.
The only other alternative I see is either signing another year, or seeing if you can go month to month. I know it is different for different areas.
Post # 5
Sorry, but I don’t get why you’re so butthurt about it. You know he’s in the process of having the ring made. But you’re just moping around like it’s the end of the world.
Post # 6
The above poster has a great idea, tell him he can propose without a ring you can be official and just wait for the ring to be done. We had to wait about 3 weeks for my ring and we had already had the stone picked out.
What’s the element that you needed? That will tell us if it takes longer to make or not?
Post # 7
Do you trust him? Do you feel comfortable ending your lease prior to your official proposal? I do like the idea of his proposing without the ring or even a stand-in ring if that makes you feel better. You should talk to him, and be understanding.
Post # 8
This seems like an awful amount of control from you. You are very specific about the ring and the date? It sounds like he is working very hard to please you and to get it right. Who cares if it doesn’t happen exactly the way you want? It’s ok to let it go. You might find that it makes things more fun!!
Post # 9
So if you’re engaged later in the summer the entire world will explode? He’s clearly getting the ring made. I wouldn’t fret so much, and also you do sound bratty and entitled. I took my FI at his word when he said he wanted to marry me, even with no ring in hand, and ‘lo and behold, about three months later we were ring shopping. I knew very early on he was a sure thing.
Edit: I would also check with your landlord if you can go month-to-month, as PP have suggested.
Post # 10
Wow these comments are harsh. You do have a deadline, renewing your lease or giving notice so I can see where you’re coming from. He knew this, as well, so I wouldn’t be too pleased. And now he’s making jokes.
has he addressed your lease situation?
The positive thing is he’s making room for you and moving ahead, but he needs to acknowledge that he gave you a date and your lease is at issue, and things are going to take longer.
That is, unless he’s planning something you don’t know about.
Post # 11
You’re missing the forest for the trees here…
Post # 12
Your actual last day is August 28, not June 28. June 28 is a random date you picked because I dunno why. And it is NOT like you were signing away your apartment without a commitment. He has already ordered your ring. You aren’t going to get engaged before the day you actually need to leave your apartment.
You are getting everything you want, just not in the exact day you planned.
You must learn how to be more flexible and how to compromise.
For your own sake, and your partner’s too, try to exercise some gratitude, patience, and appreciation. 🙂
Post # 13
I was in a similar situation with an engagement timeline that was well coordinated with not giving up my apartment and resigning my lease until we were engaged. I was also very hung up on the dates, which looking back was pretty rediclous since when you are talking about the rest of your life, what difference does a few weeks or months really make. My anxiety was mostly because I could sense my (now ex) boyfriend was dragging his feet and stalling because of his ambivalence, but from what you wrote it doesnt seem like thats the case with your guy. I’d either take a leap of faith and give up your place, knowing the engagement is imminent or talk to your landlord about your options. I just don’t think ther will be any positive outcome from making such a big deal about the date when he is showing you that he is commited to your future together and the engagement seems to be coming very soon.
Post # 14
Or, you know, you could just propse to him on June 28th and actually DO SOMETHING instead of just dictating to him what you want since you’re the one so hung up on being engaged by a specific date. Talk about missing the forest for the trees.
Post # 15
Thanks for giving some perspective. I get that I am being a brat and irrational which is why I posted.
The thing is when I’ve been saying “hey I have this contract due on June 28th, important to me to have a commitment before I sign…” since November and he continues to reassure me that he knows… I tend to expect that, it’s been my mental date. He’s never ever not fulfilled his word, so all the more reason I had high expectations. And yes, I trust him 100% that it is not cold feet but totally ring issue (i like the claw prong look). Hence why I feel guilty for being disappointed.
I can equate it to how I was taught not to turn in your 2 week notice at current job before the background check and offer letter is in hand for new job. There’s just a sense of “yeah, it’s coming but err on side of caution and don5 jeopardize current situation without the formality”.
As for proposing to him… he has been very up front about the surprise, romance and chivalry being important to him. I would never take that away from him, that would not go over well.
I heard what I needed to hear. Thanks.