- 5 years ago
Before attacking me and writing from your personal feelings, please read the below and provide objective, unattached responses:
I am the eldest of 3 girls. We are separated by 4 years each (step-ladder). The middle sister is getting married tomorrow. And my relationship with her has been rocky to bad since we were children. I attribute some of it to our mother who clearly favors she and the baby sister. (my mother has told me that she never has to worry about helping me because I’m a hustler -meaning I will always land on my feet.) My mother’s actions throughout our lives has been to be in attendance with ALL of their functions and even leaving in the middle the 1 or 2 that she attended for me to attend my middle sister’s function. When my middle sister went away for college, my mother attended all of her sports games. She even traveled with the team. Ironically, I lived in the same city for 7 years as my sister after I graduated from college and my mother would be in the city for her games and not see me.
Because of the extra-ordinary treatment my middle sister receives from my mother, she has developed this “god-like” complex and orders the youngest sister around. The times that she has attempted to speak to me in that manner, we bump heads and end up in a heated argument, next to fighting as I refuse to allow her to do as she pleases toward me. Often many people have assumed my middle sister is the oldest because of the way she acts and looks. I’ve relocated to 3 states since college and my youngest sister and mother have visited at least once in the states but my middle sister always had an excuse to not visit. She didn’t attend my graduation from graduate school either. 2010, we had a huge blow-up in which she jumped into a family issue that I was having and made it her business to “straighten me out.” I informed her it was none of her business and I wasn’t a child that she was talking to and she needed to have children if she wanted to parent someone. My mother said nothing. 2011 our aunt died and she walked right past me and didn’t speak nor had 2 words to say to me the entire weekend. My friend, who traveled with me as support even commented on the tension. Then my sister text me that she is engaged and I was not to tell anyone. i congratulated her and told her the appropriate thing to have done would have been to pick up the phone since we haven’t spoken in a year. She didn’t respond.
I reached out to her w a card January of this year to mend fences. I told her that I loved her as my sister regardless of what has happened between us. She responded with a letter chastising me and stating she didn’t know if I even wanted to attend her wedding. I responded with a letter stating that was her decision and her “chastisement” written in the letter is a prime example of how she angers me because of how she speaks to me. She never responded.
May of this year, a cousin asked me if I was attending my sister’s wedding. I told her I hadn’t received an invitation. The beginning of June, I received an invitation. And honestly, i didn’t want to go. It really bothered me to be going back and forth within myself. 3 weeks ago, my mother asked me if I was attending. (yet no one has spoken to me about the wedding. I haven’t any clue as to anything associated with it). I explained to my mother I really didn’t want to but hadn’t made a decision. I explained the reasons and told her I didn’t have an invite until June. My mother only reacted to me not receiving an invite then when she realized I finally had one, she said she is staying out of it. I told my mother, she has helped to create it over the years. The conversation ended. To this day, my sister hasn’t called to ask if I am attending. The invite doesn’t allow for me to bring a guest (yet when I was visiting mom last month I saw a venue bill for 250 guests) I never returned the RSVP. After everything over our lives and the failed attempt to mend earlier this year, I feel at peace with my decision to not attend because I feel my sister only invited me out of pretense (she doesn’t want to be unfavored with my mother). I also don’t want questions from guests we both know about why I’m not apart of the wedding when my other sister is and so on. Yet, I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish. I have until noon tomorrow to make a final decision as it is a semi-long drive to reach home. I’ve thought about how this will effect the future, that its only a few hours, be a good sport, etc and I also think about how I feel which is important to me. Ive always been one to do what others want even if I’m not happy and frankly I want to start making myself happy and have in many areas of my life…this is just another facet. Feedback is appreciated (again, please leave out personal negative feelings in the response).