Post # 1
Hi everyone, I’m hoping someone’s been in my situation and can share their insight. My BF and I have been together 3 yrs, living together 2. I’m late 20s, he is quite a bit older. We have talked about marriage briefly and it is something he is open to and that he knows I want, and we definitely agree we will be together far into the future; but definitely no talks about rings or engagement. That being said, I got a hunch he might be planning to buy a ring some time soon after I put together a few hints. I would like to be engaged before the end of the year and I would like to just tell him so, BUT if he is already planning something I am worried I might offend him or ruin any surprises (I <3 surprises!). I thought I would wait until after V-day just in case, but then we’re taking a trip to my hometown in March, and then another just-us trip in May- so while these are all great opportunities for him, haha, I feel like I could do harm if I speak too soon. Thanks all!
Post # 4
I’d speak up! It’s been 3 years: I’m 30 with a slightly older SO, so I understand where you’re coming from!
I end up thinking a lot and my brain wanders to negative places if I think too much (AKA “Why hasn’t he asked yet? Is there something wrong with me or our relationship?”) Potentially ruining a surprise (which I bet you won’t) would be worth the peace of mind, IMO!
On the other hand, I can be a bit uptight and a little cray cray. So, if you’re pretty at ease about the situation, leave it be. 🙂
Post # 5
@DomesticDiva: +1 I agree with you!
OP you should speak to you SO about this..I can totally relate im in my late 20s aswell. I have brought it up to my SO attention and he knows where i stand and now Im just in waiting until June our 3 year anniversary..but good luck!
Post # 6
@emmalyn: I would say something! I agree with your idea to wait until after Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to say to him “So are you going to get me a ring or what?!” Haha. Is he the type of guy that a surprise proposal is really important to him? You could just casually mention and even say something about wanting to be on the same page. Or IDK, something to bring up “Think we will be engaged by the end of the year or within the next year?” I am not the best with brining up things like this with my guy, but he is big on surprises and me having zero part of getting engaged, so we can’t talk about the ring or when. So I understand how you don’t want to speak up and ruin the surprise. I find that sometimes an oppurtunity presents itself and you can work something in there in the right time. I think even if you talk to him about it, it won’t ruin the surprise. Just knowing that he would also like to get engaged by the end of the year leaves 11 months to surprise you!! So, yes, I would bring it up, just casually, not a big huge thing and see where it goes. Hey, you never know, you might not even need to bring it up!
@DomesticDiva: I’m glad to see I’m not the only one that his this horrible thoughts running through their head!! Meanwhile, you know it’s not you or the relationship. Sucks waiting around sometimes right!?
Post # 7
@emmalyn: If youre ok with waiting and wont be upset if it doesnt happen keep quiet.
if you will be upset then you have to at least talk to him about it. you cant blame him for what he doesnt know!
Post # 8
I think its a good idea to speak up and have one of those ‘where do you see our relationship going’ conversations. I wouldn’t push getting engaged, but I would get on the same page.
Post # 9
@EmilyJoy: He is very big on surprises, he makes everything into a surprise! That’s what makes me nervous!
@subtlebee: That’s good advice that I should have already asked myself. I think I would be disappointed.
And even though I am okay with waiting, it would definitely ease my mind that I at least let him know my expectations. But after V-day, just in case hehe 🙂
Post # 10
@EmilyJoy: Yes, it for sure sucks at times!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@emmalyn: If he’s hinting that he’s going to buy a ring soon, it’s unlikely that he’d wait til the end of the year or longer to do it. Especially since he loves surprises, I’d just hold tight til after the trips you have planned this spring. It’s really fun to be surprised, and you don’t want to take that fun away from him either…
Post # 13
@emmalyn: You sound a lot like my SO and me– though I think my SO is less decisive than yours! We also have been living together for 2 years and have a significant age difference. 🙂
It sounds to me, as other people have suggested already, that it might be best for you to wait until the various holidays and trips are all done to really say much, if you feel that is the right thing to do. If you feel you really need to talk about it again, I do think you could bring it up and just make it known that you are excited about your future together and are looking forward to getting engaged. I don’t think that would change how he’d do things, but you know him best; do what your judgement tells you will both preserve your sanity and your/his surprise. I guess it might be a good idea at this point to wait until after Valentine’s Day, since it is close, but if you are going to go cuckoo thinking about it, well, communication is always better!
Post # 14
@Creiddylad: It’s always good to know someone is in my boat! …though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone 😉 I am definitely waiting until after V-day. Going to try to get a better feel for what he’s thinking… hopefully! And after that I think I’ll be able to tell whether I need to bring it up. And I am going crazy now and it’s only because I discussed some of the “signs” with some guy friends and they thought they were really sure signs! So really I went from “whatever, it will happen one day” to “OMG OMG I can’t wait!”
And really sorry to hear you’re dealing with indecisiveness, that’s definitely the worst!
Post # 15
Oooh I’d wait till after your trip in May, if it hasn’t happened by then a talk would be a good idea but I say give the guy a fair chance first, he’s got 3 decent opportunities, lets see what he does with them!!
fingers crossed for you!