Post # 1
Feeling a little bummed when I look back at this whole engagement/wedding process.
My fiance proposed to me during a lovely sunset, which is really cool, except he didn’t have a ring and didn’t have a speech prepared. I think he said, “Want to marry me?” while he was down on one knee. (It was an impromptu proposal.) He was actually planning to propose a week later.
There was also a misunderstanding with the ring. He thought (b/c of a convo with my friends where they told me not to settle for anything less than a carat), that he had to get me a really expensive ring. He spent a lot of money, and was really resentful after that. (And feeling pressure b/c we have all these other big expenses coming up.) After he bought the ring, he brought up how expensive it was for weeks, until I got so angry with him and let him know his behavior was ridiculous.
For the last two years, he’s been studying for different certifications (in addition to working full-time), so his attention hasn’t been on me that much. Now we’re into the wedding process. Two months to go for the wedding and he has another certification coming up in three weeks — he’s so heads down studying that we had to have a talk about when I could “interrupt” him, b/c he needs to be that focused. I know he’s stressed and very busy, and I know it’s not his fault b/c of this test, but I’m just sad that we can’t truly enjoy this special time together until it’s just a month before the wedding.
I guess I just feel like this whole thing hasn’t really gone down as planned. Just feeling a little bummed, especially when I read stuff about amazing thoughtful proposals, guys presenting rings to their women graciously and happily, and people enjoying the wedding planning process. : p
Post # 3
@littleacorn: ((((HUGS)))) I feel ya. Just gotta remember that after the cert’s are done and the books are down, it’ll be all about you two again 🙂
Post # 4
@Omgbunnies: Thanks, sniff, sniff. I just feel a bit neglected since I’ve been dealing with this for about 2.5 years now. Not his fault for the certs, but…it still sucks.
Post # 5
@littleacorn: oh I don’t doubt that it sucks. You wanna be lurrrvvved! He just cant right now. But he will soon 🙂 soon you’ll be married and you will have the rest of your lives to be snuggle birds.
Post # 6
Its not all sunshine, kittens and rainbows for the rest of us either, trust me. This has not been “OMGBEST.TIME.OF.MY.LIFE.EVER.” LOL I think people expect the engagement period to be something out of a fairytale, when instead it is just the continuation of real life…except with the added pressures of planning a wedding and dealing with preparing for an impending marriage!
I know its hard right now, but I think the best thing you can do is just to support your Fiance through his testing/studying, and reap the rewards of it when he is done! I doubt he wants to be doing these exams so close to his wedding either, but you guys will have more “together” time in the future when you are married!!
Post # 7
@PeachSnapple: Thank you — a very compassionate response. 🙂 It makes me feel better that I’m not alone in this not being the best time of my life. I mean, it’s a beautiful, emotional, crazy time. But it’s not like I’m riding on some high, some cloud. I guess that’s real life, right? The good and the bad — all at the same time. Well, it was comforting to run into a friend of mine today, and she said, “You look good! You look like someone who has found the right person to share your life with.”
I know my Fiance and I are in the eye of the hurricane right now. Me with the wedding planning and him with his cert and demanding job. I so yearn for that dreamy time together, where we can just float and enjoy the thrill of pre/marital bliss. But yeah, these days, I couldn’t get his attention even if I paraded through the living room naked with a top hat and cane! Sigh.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Yeah no. I am ready to be done with this wedding! I’ve found planning to be a strange ride that I don’t really ever want to do again. Planning has been coupled with the stress of knowing that Fiance will be switching jobs right after the wedding. He is currently seriously overworked and stressed, and I am stressing about wedding stuff lol. It’s not all kittens and butterflies for brides to be. You just really have to make time for each other. Even 10 minutes a day just to recap, snuggle, and reconnect. It makes a huge difference.
Post # 9
@littleacorn: Who said the engagement time was special time? The wedding is special time. The honeymoon is special time. The marriage is wedded bliss (well most of the time haha). But the engagement? No, that’s the preparation time. And it IS busy. I guess there’s a couple of days of special time for pre-wedding parties, but that’s it. Also, it’s very common to get married just when one of you is finishing studying. But it looks to me like he’s got 5 weeks after his test for wedding stuff.
And I know you weren’t really complaining, but lots of us get much more mundane proposals than you did – at least your fiance waited until sunset and got down on one knee!
Post # 10
I just have to say, that when I read this topic title, I thought you were talking about bedroom “special time” 😉 – hahahaha!
Post # 11
@littleacorn: Been there with the studying! I hardly get any time with my Fiance and it’s been that way the majority of our relationship. Since the beginning of April, we’ve not had a single weekend together and for the past 2 weeks he’s been working late, too.
Your Fiance sounds focussed and dedicated to his work, which is a great thing!
We live in an age where it’s so easy to compare ourselves to other people. How many girls here youtube proposal videos? People only show the world positive things because they want the world to think they have the best life ever, when in reality, they’re just like everyone else.
If you search ‘disappointing proposals’ on this site, you’ll find a bunch! Some that will make you feel incredibly lucky for your sunset on-one-knee proposal! But most of all, you’ll see these women unite and say “it’s not the way he asked, it’s that he asked at all”.
Good luck on your marriage, sweetie. It’ll all work out well in the end
Post # 12
@Everdeen: LOL so did I and was thinking “hmmmm… never known it to feel like kittens!”
Post # 13
@Miss Jackrabbit: Haha, it was the kitten part which really perplexed me until I realised what the topic was actually about.
OP, when my SO is trying to study I start to feel a bit “underfoot” or “annoying” and a bit useless. If you are feeling this way too, perhaps put together a study pack? New highlighters and post its (if your Fiance likes that kind of thing), study snacks, eye drops, energy drinks, pain meds (for any headaches), and perhaps a coupon for a stress relieving BJ?
It might help you to feel a bit less useless (if you are feeling that way) and also let him know that you care about him, are thinking of him, want to support him in this and that you know it’s important.
Also, if you do need to discuss something wedding with him, perhaps have it all written in a handy information sheet and summarised? This will make it faster than shifting through multiple print outs from websites etc. I know my SO would appreciate this when he’s really busy.
Post # 14
@littleacorn: aw! Don’t let it get to you! Remember…
So true! Trust me, when you let go of comparing your situation to others you will be much happier.
There will ALWAYS be someone having a better time, bigger house, fancier dress, more romantic partner, cooler car…focus on your life and think of the good things…you’re getting married, that’s wonderful! (((Hugs)))
oh and also, those people with those “perfect lives”… Yeah they aren’t perfect!
Post # 15
Aaaw, thanks, ladies! And yes, “special time” was referring to the engagement and wedding time, not er, bedroom time. (That would be “sexytime,” no?) 🙂
It does make me feel better to know other women out there are also going through “real life” instead of what everyone envisions you’re experiencing – kittens, sunshine and rainbows. The next time I see someone get engaged, I will ask them, “How are you doing? No, really — how are you really doing?”
It’s hard not to compare with others in today’s world, isn’t it? Especially when you have good ol’ Facebook and other social media. (I know one person in my FB network who posts *almost every status update* with a “Life is so wonderful, my boyfriend is amazing!” I finally had to hide her updates b/c they were making me crazy.
Come to think of it, one could look at my proposal as sweet. My fiance was so swept up in the moment, that he took the plunge. And he did get me a crazy expensive, beautiful ring.
Post # 16
@sehrler: wow i needed that message myself! awesome thanks for sharing the quote and your thoughts