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lol @ the black jeans. I went to a wedding this summer and two guys showed up in jeans! I was shocked.
I really think that "formal attire" will do the trick. You don't want the cowboys rebelling against tuxedos, and if you put "black tie optional" that might turn some people off if they aren't used to dressing up. KWIM?
@flamingred: You don't think that formal attire will make the cowboys think black jeans? I do. Lol. I think that they'll think formal attire=black jeans, but then "black tie OPTIONAL" will make them think suits....
I'm not even kidding, I counted over 40 pairs of jeans at this wedding of my FI's family. There was 150 people, and the jeans were men... so around half of the guys wore jeans!
To me, black tie optional means black tie optional. I think the formal attire, black tie optional is a bit redundant.
But if you think your guests might get confused put both.
"Black tie optional" is all you need. And some people will disregard that entirely, no matter what you say. My brother, who lives to antagonoize me, wore a Tommy Bahama shirt and khakis to my formal wedding. Clearly, he didn't give a moment's thought to the "black tie optional" on my invite or the fact that his wife (my MOH) was dressed impeccably. Fact.... honey badger don't give a sh!t.
Agreed. Ours was "summer dressy casual", explaining on our site that it meant sundresses, khakis, suits, whatever made them comfortable except jeans, tshirts and flip flops et al.
I had a cousin show up in ripped jeans and a deep V tshirt. Um yeah.....but we just joke about it and call him summer of deep V guy (Tosh.0 reference). But everytime my husband sees his pic he still grimaces. :\
@lovekiss: Thats true. I think "Black tie optional" sounds better than combining it with formal attire.
I guess I'm just worried if we say that, some people may decline the invite because they think that wearing "formal clothes" and not "black tie" would make them stand out.
The other thing to consider is that we are lesbians, so we don't have a groom. We each have a "bridesman" and they will be wearing tuxes, but they won't be necessarily wearing bowties. They may wear skinny black ties with their tuxes. Is it rude to say black tie optional, when they may not even wear a bowtie?
@jacinda10: "black tie optional" relates to a level of formality, and no one really needs to wear a bow tie. In an ideal world, we wouldn't even need to worry about telling our guests what level of formality is apporopriate because they would be able to figure it out based on the time of day and location of the event (eg 2pm reception in a church basement vs. 7pm reception in a ballroom). However, weddings and other events have evolved in a way that makes this somewhat difficult for guests, and changing social norms only further complicate things. I think most people understand "black tie" as a concept and that "optional" is different from "mandatory/required", so you should be safe. However, if you are still concerned, use your network of friends and family to spread the word, informally, that tuxes are not a requirement, but that foral dress is GREATLY appreciated.
I don't think that "formal attire, black tie optional" will stop the cowboys from showing up in their "dressy" attire (e.g. black jeans). I would go with simple "jacket required."
@Lulusmom: Yikes.... I've never seen "jacket required" on any invites. That to me sounds really really really presumptuous.
@Gerbera: "To me, black tie optional means black tie optional. I think the formal attire, black tie optional is a bit redundant."
THIS!!
Hello date and city twin. My relatives would read "formal attire" as black jeans, too, yep. Probably with matching black cowboy hats, thinking they are the extreme ideal of formal. That's just how we are here! I haven't been to a Calgary wedding without at least one person in jeans. Go with "formal attire, black tie optional" or maybe even something more. Good luck! :)
I would just say "Semi-Formal - No Jeans" If it is real cowboy country then I would also put a note that says "Please leaves Boots and Hats at home" In cowboy country Black boots, Hats and Jeans are considered formal so you have to be very clear.
@sunny1: You understand! Haha. Seriously black jeans are the nastiest things ever. Atleast at the wedding I was at this summer, the FOB wore a tux for the ceremony and first dance, but right after he went and changed into... black jeans and a black hat. Lol. I mean if someone wants to wear a cowboy hat with a dark suit, whatever! But no jeans, and no spurs.
@Genuine513: We're having really formal invitations... so I don't know if writing something like "please leave hats and boots at home" would work.
@jacinda10: Well, I put Black Tie, and people were freaking out about getting tuxes. I was like, no, a suit is fine. But with my folks, "formal" means nice jeans and their best flannel shirt.
@vmblai1019: So if you were okay with suits... then why did you opt against "black tie optional" ? (Just want to hear your reasoning, because I'm in the same boat - suit is fine, tux would be nice... jeans and flannel - NO.)
I put Semi Formal required on my invitations (call me tacky :P) and people still showed up in sweats, jeans. Sigh. C'est la vie.
@jacinda10: I've received invitations to both weddings and other events/benefits with "jackets required." Heck, one of the clubs a coworker belongs to requires jackets to eat lunch in the diningroom. Shrug. I find it the least offensive way of informing people that they will be turned away at the door if they don't bring a jacket.
@Genuine513: This.
To me, if I were the type of person that wore jeans to a wedding, I would see "formal attire, black tie optional" and think "I need to wear my 'nice jeans' but it's okay to not wear a tie with them." Yes, I know that's not what "black tie optional" means, I'm just saying how it looks if you don't understand what all the dress standards actually are.
I'm originally from Florida, and I know I have family members that would read "formal attire" and think dark denim would be okay. SMH!
I know that saying "Formal Attire, Black Tie Optional" is redundant, but so is saying "I'm going to the ATM machine" < Think about that!
Who cares if you're redundant, as long as you get the point across, right? I don't know about you, but my venue will not let guests in if they are in denim, dark or not. My FI and I couldn't even wear denim to TOUR the place before we even signed any paperwork! Get the word out, in whatever manner is easiest for you :)
@Miss Godiva: LOL at the ATM comment.
I do agree saying it is redundant, but may be necessary for our guests.
I had originally wanted a "black tie optional" wedding. Most of my friends and my side of the family owns tuxes. FI's family said they would probably decline. They were worried about not fitting in and the expense of tuxes.
I like "formal attire, black tie optiona" the best! It gives them the option of tuxes and suits.
I have NEVER seen someone wear jeans to a wedding. So rude!
For Cowboy Formal, please see Ronnie Dunn. ;) But really, given some of my FH's friends, I would be happy to get Cowboy Formal. Some them are probably going to show in board shorts, flip flops, and a backwards cap. And then I will be forced to push them into the Pugt Sound with the giant octopi. I would stick with putting Black Tie Optional. It still indicates them level of formality, though I certainly understand your worry.
@PinkMagnolia: What did you end up writing on your invitations?
To me Black Tie means Very Fancy Special Occasion Dress, Formal means Simple all seasons type Dress, Semi-Formal means Dress Pants/Dress Shirt, Informal means nice Jeans/Dress Shirt, Semi-Casual means Jeans and T-Shirt, Casual means Yoga Pants and Tank top lol. Of course some would disagree with me :)
I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about this...before my wedding, I thought I was going to be quite annoyed if people showed up for my formal wedding that I put all this work into wearing jeans and casual clothes. Most people didn't, but a few did, and you know what? I really didn't care the day of - not one little bit. So just a little reassurance that no matter what you decide or what the cowboys decide formal dress means, it will all be okay in the end!
I was just thiking about this today and how to word it on the invite.
It's rude to dictate the attire unless your venue has a dress code that must be followed or else guests will be turned away. You really can't say anything on the invite, since it must be mentioned by word of mouth instead. It's also rude to turn people away or get upset in general just because they don't have the type of clothing that you prefer they do. If you really don't want the folks dressing like cowboys, etc, then the only thing you can do is not invite them. which is also rude. Accept folks as they are and chances are, you won't notice or care on your wedding day what people are wearing.
You poor thing! I don't think I could tolerate a brother like that. I often wonder why people act like that?
In the UK, we have some functions/locations where you are not permitted to enter if you do not meet the dress code requirements. A friend of mine had her wedding reception at a very old private club in England where gentlemen must wear coat and tie at all times, and ladies are not permitted to wear trousers. One of her guests (he was a bit of a tosser anyway) decided to ignore the dress code, and was not allowed to enter. The doorman contacted the house manager, and the house manager politely offered him a jacket and a tie. He refused, and was thus refused entry.
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I'm in the process of designing my invites, I know its going to take forever so I'm starting early. At my fiancee's cousins wedding this summer, some of the family showed up in jeans and cowboy boots with spurs still on. It was okay for her wedding because it was in a small 200 person highway town, and it wasn't formal.
We're having a plated dinner, in a historic mansion. We're going for formal.
In terms of the reception card, we were thinking about writing "formal attire, black tie optional".... does this sound confusing?
Our reasoning is that cowboys will think formal attire = black jeans. But, if we tack on the "black tie optional" then they know that a suit would be more appropriate.
We don't want to just write "black tie optional", because then people may feel obligated to go and get a tux or fancy dress.
We want formal dress... we'd love black tie, but its not feasible for our guests I don't think.
Does "formal attire, black tie optional" sound ridiculous, or does it make sense?