Post # 1
I apologize in advance if this gets a little long!
Ths past Saturday my SIL (DHs sister) had a baby boy! We are so excited for her and my BIL and cannot wait to see him. DHs family is Jewish and his SIL is planning to do a bris for the baby. The bris is supposed to be held one week from when the baby is born and in this case exactly one week is Christmas Day.
Well, right before the baby was born (and before they knew it was a boy), my BIL called DH to ask if we would be coming down to Georgia for the bris. We had never talked about going down for it before this point. DH told BIL that he would have to talk to me but at the very least he would come down.
Well, the baby was born and it is a boy so it is official that they are doing the bris on Christmas Day. My family celebrates Christmas and even though Im not Christian, celebrating CHristmas is my favorite time with my family. I was upset that DH wanted to be apart from me for our first Christmas as a married couple. We got into an argument about it and DH said “its my nephew” and I said “but I am your wife”. Finally DH conceded and says he is going to spend Christmas with my family. However, I still feel like he is bitter about it. I just don’t like being made to feel like his family and their priorities are more important than my family and my priorities. Why do I feel like the big bad wife by making him stay? Am I in the wrong? Should we go to the bris even though I know my mom (who is single and has no children at home anymore) would be really upset we werent spending Christmas with her? Please tell me I’m not a bad person…..or if I am, try to break it to me nicely!
ETA: If it makes a difference – his family lives 10 hours away and my family lives 45 minutes away. Going to the bris means having to drive 10 hours either Thursday night or Friday morning and 10 hours back on Sunday. I have no vacation time left (used it all for our wedding) so unless we did that quick of a trip he would have to go on his own.
Post # 3
Well, I think this is just a tough situation. From his side, who are you to say that celebrating Christmas is more important than his nephew’s bris? They are both equally important family events. You say you are being made to feel like his family/priorities are more important than your family, but since you are forcing him to come to christmas with your family, you’re basically saying your family IS more important.
I would just split up. It’s not perfect in an ideal world, but then you each get what you want. Neither of you are Christian, so you could spend it with your mom and he can spend it at the bris, which, from what I understand, is a HUGE deal to Jewish folks! Christmas probably isn’t a big deal to him.
I think he’ll probably be resentful about missing his nephew’s bris =
Post # 4
Oh man, I think I’d go to the bris or at least let him go. Is this his first niece/nephew?
Post # 5
@ejs4y8: I totally understand what you are saying. However, we just spent 4 days with his family for Thanksgiving. In addition, I probably should have mentioned this before, but we live 10 hours from his family and only 45 minutes from mine. Going to his nephew’s bris would mean that we would have to drive 10 hours on either Thursday or Friday and 10 hours back on Sunday. In addition, up until his nephew was born we had already made plans with my parents – spending Christmas Day with my mom and the day after with my dad.
Lastly – I offered for us to go down the very next weekend to see the baby instead of spending NYE with friends.
Post # 6
@LGenz: No, this is not his first niece/nephew but it is this particular sisters first baby…..so that does make it a little harder
Post # 7
Have you talked to your mom about maybe doing Christmas on another day and going to the bris that day? I would probably choose to try that option. I do get why both events are important but I think I’d choose the bris.
Post # 8
I agree that it’s a difficult situation. My husband and I are spending Christmas apart, which really isn’t a big deal to either of us. To me, that’s the easiest situation because then no one is selecting one family over the other and it keeps the drama to a minimum.
Could you and your mom/family celebrate Christmas on another day? Christmas eve? New years eve?
I’m not religious, but it seems like the bris is a bigger deal – it’s once in a lifetime (I’m guessing), where Christmas comes every year. I’d have him to go the bris, and you home, or both of you to the bris and promise your mom Christmas next year – and celebrate with her on a different day.
Post # 9
how far apart are his sister and your mom? i’m guessing it’s not possible to go to both?
a bris is a pretty big deal, but it’s supposed to be 8 days after the baby is born, not one week. is that still christmas day?
i would make a quick trip for the bris and postpone christmas with your mom.
Post # 10
I’d choose christmas (although I’m not Jewish so I maybe don’t get how important a briss is). It just seems like if they choose to have it on a big family holiday they shouldn’t expect you to change your already-made plans (Thanksgiving with his fam and Christmas with yours) to accommodate them.
Post # 10
I agree; it’s a difficult situation. Because this is an important family event for him to celebrate his new nephew, and is not a yearly event, I would tell him to go. The holidays are important, and your first Christmas together is important, but it’s not like he’s chosing not to go with you to see your framily to spend time with the guys (as my ex did one year!!). He in a tough spot too, wanting to make you happy and see his family. If I were in his shoes, I would go to my nephew’s bris. I don’t know your history, but based on this event alone, I would not say that he’s putting his family’s priorities before yours. To be honest, I think he’s just considering his own priorities to attend this important family event.
Post # 11
Even so, it sounds like a big deal to your husband and babies sort of get born at the most inconvenient times =]. It is a lot of driving and I get that. If you live 45 minutes from your mom, you could spend Christmas Eve with her or another day and make it up for her. But you could just let him go and then you get to see your family.
Post # 12
If this is about how your family feels, I would let him go to the bris. You can spend time with your family and he can spend time with his. Good Luck on your final decision.
Post # 13
I agree with PP that maybe you can arrange to do the holidays with both of your familes. You aren’t in the wrong for wanting to be with your husband on Christmas because that is totally understandable. I think though that maybe you should take into consideration the fact that this bris is only going to happen once, yet you will have many Christmas celebrations in the future. Could DH promise that Christmas will be with your family next year of you go to the bris this year?
I always try to look at things from my SOs perspective to get a clear idea of the whole picture. Maybe this is why he puts more importance on the holidays with his family because a new baby, afterall, is a very exciting time for everyone. In the end do what is best for everyone, but try not to do only what is best for you. Plus you are a new auntie! This is worth celebrating on it’s own 🙂
Post # 14
Well so far it seems that the majority think I should tell my husband to go to the bris. I guess I don’t fully understand the significance of it (my apologies I mean no offense to anyone!!) I just told my husband he should go to the bris if that is what he wants to do. We’ll see what he says! Thanks for the opinions ladies. 🙂
Post # 15
@CorgiTales: i wish that were the case however, they dont choose it – it is determined by when the baby is born. The baby’s original due date was the 12th so if it had just been on time we wouldnt be in this predicament!! 🙂