Post # 1
This is my first post under a new name. I just didn’t think I could write under my other username, knowing that it was tied to our relationship.. our failed relationship.. our wedding that won’t be happening..
Long story short, ex-FI kicked myself, and our daughter out in May (on Mother’s Day, actually,, niiiice). There was nothing that happened leading up to the separation, either, so it totally caught me off-guard–one day we were choosing our venue, and house hunting, and the next.. well, you know–no arguing, no downward spiral in the relationship.. nothing. One day we were fine, and the next, it was over.
Anyway, ex-FI proposed last Christmas Eve, and with the date quickly approaching, I’m having a hard time dealing with it. Furthermore, it doesn’t help that we’re spending the holiday together (tradition for us over the past 10 years.. and, also because of our daughter). Don’t get me wrong, I still love the man with all my heart, but I’m worried that spending our ‘engageiversary’ together, but technically single will be just a tad awkward, heh.
Have any of you ladies ever gone through this sort of predicament?
Post # 3
i’m sorry to hear that i hope the best for you and your daughter..
Post # 4
I’m sorry to hear that. 🙁 Just focus on making your daughter happy and direct all your energy into loving that little girl with all your heart. Merry Christmas!
Post # 5
Well.. I am not a person who believes in tradition for the sake of tradition. And he sounds horrible. Can you not make a new tradition? I think if you’re unhappy, she will know. You deserve to be happy too. Maybe he gets her Christmaseve, and you can take her on Christmas?
Post # 6
I don’t see how it would benefit your daughter to spend Christmas together. IMO, it sounds like that could be a very confusing thing for her — to see you two back together only to be split apart again once the day is through. Children need consistency, especially with a troubling situation such as a parents’ split.
If you still have feelings for him, it’s not gonna do you any good either. You are right, it will be (much more than a tad) awkward, and I don’t think it would be the best choice to make. So sorry you have to deal with these kind of tough decisions now.
Post # 7
I say you start a new tradition and maybe make new memories with your daughter (maybe will start a new tradition with just you and her). She can spend the day after Christmas with her dad. Regardless, hope you enjoy the holidays.
Post # 8
I agree with the majority here. START A NEW TRADITION. I personally think it would be horrible to spend that time with someone who kicked me and my child out of their lives for no reason.
Post # 9
I’m just curious why you would spend the holiday with someone that kicked you AND your daughter out. He sounds like a jerk that had no concern for your child or you. I think it might be better to cut ties. What exactly would the point be to have your child see that its okay to kick her and you out and treat you that way because you’ll still be with him? I think it may be confusing for her and send a dangerous message that its normal for a man to treat her that way. You wouldn’t want her to end up with someone that kicked you and your grandchild out of his house and she still hung around him, would you? She may think she deserves to be treated just as poorly in the future.
I spent holidays with my exhubby for 10 years but I don’t anymore – because he is my ex. Good luck.
Post # 10
I really don’t think you should give him the pleasure of spending Christmas with you. When people seperate they go on with their lives seperately. I agree with the other Bees that you should allow your daughter to see him either Christmas Eve or Day but for you to be there seems like a huge mistake. He sounds like an unstable man. I think you should keep your distance from him because it’s just going to cause more pain for you.
Enjoy Christmas with your daughter. Good luck!
Post # 11
Thanks for the replies, ladies.
To answer your question about why DD, and I would spend Christmas with him: we haven’t completely severed ties. Yes, we separated, and are technically ‘single’, but we’re open to seeing if this relationship can be reborn.. very slowly. Like, veryyy slowly, lol.
Maybe it won’t be that bad? We have spent time together since the separation, after all. In fact, he just spent the night on Wednesday (DD had a school play that he visited for—we live 2½ hours away). To be completely honest, we’re still very ‘couple-y’ when he visits.. we cuddle, we kiss.. we.. ;]. We definitely still have things to work through, but we’re not counting this relationship as dunzo.
Maybe ‘tradition’ isn’t the word I should have used, since I have told him that that’s basically out the window.. but, his parents still count me as part of the family, and they want me around. His Mum has been a shoulder for me through all of this, actually.
Post # 12
I’m with people who say I’m not sure what kind of a guy he is if he kicked both you and your daughter (!) out with little to no warning. It’s your life, but what he did was pretty inconsiderate and uncaring toward both you, but more importantly your daughter.
Post # 13
I dunno it sounds like torture of all the days to spend with him. Good luck there is no way i could do it.
Post # 14
i hate to say this, but why would you still act like a couple if he isn’t committed to you? That sounds like torture!! Especially if you are still having sex. I am not saying this to judge, it just sounds like something emotionally damaging, and i am honestly concerned for you and your well being. Have you discussed the reason he walked out and whether he is exclusive with you or not?
I have to go old fashioned on this and say if you are giving him all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment, you are entering dangerous “never commit because I don’t have to” waters…
Post # 15
Uh, no. I have no ideas of the details of your life, but any guy who could kick me and my daughter out on our bums with no consideration can eat poop and die. It sounds like he successfully can have his cake and eat it too though, he not only kicked you out so he can live whatever life he wants (likely with other women), but now whenever he feels the urge he can come see you and get some. And your daughter sees this. Do your daughter a favor, and rid that piece of crap from your life. You deserve better, and so does she.
Post # 16
@sweetpea1031: Yes, we’ve talked about why this happened: basically, financial stress, and his unhappiness. He admits he went about it all wrong, and he knows he should have communicated better, but those were the reasons. He just kept everything bottled in, and snapped. As for whether he’s exclusive to me, he is.. so he says (and, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt).