Post # 1
Hi Ladies, just looking for some advice on a waiting situation. 🙂
My wonderful SO is now saving up to buy my e-ring but it might be a while yet. Meanwhile he is being very careful with his spending and putting pretty much everything into my ring. I’ve told him I don’t need/want anything expensive, I would be happy with a piece of string, I just want to marry him, but he says he wants to get me the very best.
My best friend and I have been planning a road trip to California for this fall. Its something we’ve been talking about doing for a long time and now we can finally afford to do it. Also we want to do it before I’m engaged and busy with planning/nursing school and she moves to a new city. So we are super excited for this trip. And I know I can afford to save for the trip and our wedding.
But now I’m feeling kinda guilty. SO is pinching pennies for my ring, and I’m planning a vacation. So I guess my question is, is it wrong for me to go? It seems like its very unfair to him. But I think it would be good for me to get away, and take my mind off waiting. And I don’t know when I’ll get this chance again. Its sort of our last adventure before we go into our grownup lives I guess. 🙂
Post # 3
What does your soon to be FI think? If he’s ok with it, then go 🙂
Post # 4
@witchbaby: Is your money combined? If your FI is okay with it, then so are we 🙂
Personally I’d never go on vaca without my man, but each couple is different.
Post # 5
@MrsPanda99: +1, Panda said it best
Post # 6
Definitely go! DH bought my engagement ring while I was out of state visiting a friend for the weekend!
Post # 7
@MrsPanda99: Our moneys not combined, but we do live together. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just said its my money to spend how I want, but he thinks our wedding is going to be expensive. He would never tell me not to go even if he thought it was wrong.
Post # 8
I would not put off going on vacation. He is the one saving for your ring. Its not like he’s asking you to pitch in for it or anything. Go and have fun.
Why does he feel your wedding is going to be expensive?
Post # 9
@CARA1978: haha he wants a huge elaborate wedding. 🙂
Post # 10
@witchbaby: I always put my FI and our joint goals first. Even if your money isn’t together, you have the same goals (I assume) and you are going to get married. Maybe he’d rather the two of you jointly save for wedding expenses than take separate vacations (that is how I would feel). I wouldn’t want to risk him becoming resentful when he is making sacrifices for you and you are not returning the favour (if he perceives it that way).
It all depends on what would work in your relationship 🙂
Post # 11
@witchbaby: In that case it would be helpful if you two have a timeline of when/how much/how things are and how they’re going to be paid. When is the engagement? When is the wedding?
I’m in the camp of going on your trip but making sure he is 100% on board with it. You would hate for there to be residents on either end: his resentment because you’re spending money without him or your resident because you’re “stuck” not able to travel – probably the last trip before your engagement.
Post # 12
I think if he knows you’ve had this plan with your friend for a long time and it means a lot and that the time is right for it before your lives change, then it’s fine. Once the vacation is over ou can then focus your savings on the wedding. SO has more savings than me due to working longer but once I’ve passed my driving test I will have more income (previously spent on lessons, ouch!) to put towards our future.
Post # 13
@witchbaby: he just said its my money to spend how I want, but he thinks our wedding is going to be expensive.
i might be reading too much into it, but that sounds like a hint to me… “i can’t actually tell you what to do, but i think you should be saving for our wedding.”
Post # 14
I would go on the vacation! It sounds like fun and it’ll be a nice girls trip before you get engaged.
I’m all for shared financial goals but those never crossed my mind when we were dating. When we were just dating (before engagement), I would never have thought twice about spending my money while he was saving for things or taking a vacation without him. Now that we are engaged, planning for the wedding and moving in together I do consider those things. I’m sure this opinion isn’t popular but I say just relax b/c you’ll have literally decades to have to consult him about everything…have a good vacation!
Post # 15
I wouldn’t go. If he had an opportunity to go on a trip with his friends right now, he’d probably turn it down because he’s saving for your ring.
Post # 16
@MrsPanda99: +1 again 🙂
I agree.. but everyone is different. I don’t think having one last hurrah with your BFF is a bad idea.. but it’s not something I would do personally.