Post # 1
Recently, my FI gave me his credit card and told me to use it “whenever I need.” Now, I feel really, really bad about spending his money. I feel comfortable using his credit card only in one very limited situation: buying groceries where his items account for over 50% of the list. In all other situations, I use my own money. He doesn’t use any of mine.
Recently I mentioned that I saw a pair of running shorts that I liked, but didn’t buy because I didn’t think I should be buying random things, and he asked me why I didn’t just charge it to his card.
On one hand, I am very thankful that he is willing to support me financially, but on the other hand, I am just uncomfortable spending his money. He then told me that he wished I didn’t feel that way because we are getting married after all.
My question is: If your FI/SO/DH allows you access to his/her money, when did you start feeling comfortable using it?
I would love to hear some advice and personal anecdotes!
* Background: We have been together 5 years, own a house together, and have been happily engaged for a few months now. I am a graduate student with solid personal savings, and he has a relatively high-paying job. We are in our mid-late 20s, and have no debt.
Post # 3
he pays the bills (food, gas, his own bills and expenses), i’ve got financial aid that has paid the rent this past school year. that’s the deal right now. he’s never given me money to spend on whatever i want, and i would feel weird having it. it would feel like an allowance to me, know what i mean? i never had an allowance growing up, so i wouldn’t want one now. i feel like having a credit card he pays for would be the same thing. i’d feel weird about it.
that being said, if i see something i want when we’re out, he buys it for me. within reason, of course.
Post # 4
My FI and I moved across the country together about 6 months ago. When we did that, we combined all of our banking. So, it’s no longer his and my money, but our money! Because of that, I have no problem buying whatever I need, but if it’s a bigger purchase ($200+) we talk it through together first.
Post # 5
@beetrothed: I only spend his money when I grocery shop, otherwise nope. We are setting up our joint account soon, once that happens there will be no more mine or his for money. I would never expect him to buy me clothes or anything like that, I work for a reason and that’s to take care of myself, as it is the groceries just worked out best for him to buy and I pay extra utilities instead. We split things equally unless one of us chooses to treat the other.
Post # 6
I think as soon as I realized that we’re getting married, our money is going to be combined anyway, we will need to work as a team. Then the idea of who’s money is it goes away!
Post # 7
As soon as we got married we combined our money. We are both sensible and don’t make larger purchases without talking about it first.
Post # 8
@beetrothed: We’ve been together over 8 years, married for 3 years, have an 11 month old and another on the way. We completely share finances. We do have some separate credit cards, but DH pays them and all of our bills every month out of our joint savings account. I do have DH’s credit card number memorized for emergencies…or online shopping when I don’t want to get up and find my purse 😉 When our second baby gets here, I’ll stay at home with him and our daughter so I guess technically all of the money will be DH’s. I haven’t figured out yet how I’m going to feel about it… it’ll be a transition! I don’t have ANY personal expenses (haircut 2x per year is about it lol), so hopefully I don’t feel guilty.
Post # 9
@beetrothed: The way we do it is that it’s all “our” money. We have a budget together even though we have separate accounts. It really doesn’t matter which credit card something goes onto since it really all comes out of the same pot, anyway.
Sometimes he’ll give me $20 cash or buy something for me from his portion of the budget, but that’s about as far as it goes when it comes to “his” money and “my” money. We each have designated fun spending $$$ each month to buy stuff like clothes, movie tickets, whatever.
Post # 10
@beetrothed: I don’t work, so I’m always spending my husbands money lol. We moved in together after a few weeks of dating, so we’ve lived together almost the entire time we’ve been together (5 years). Out of those years, I think it was really only the first year that we split bills. After that, he just wanted to take care of me I guess. We currently own a house, have no student loans, no car payments, etc, so we’re living pretty comfortably. Plus, he loves not having to do house chores lol.
Post # 11
Just recently did I start feeling comfortable with this situation – about 4 months after getting married. It was very, very awkward at first. Still, I won’t spend any of his money on extraneous things.
Post # 12
My FI has not given me a card, but he transfers money here and there. We agreed that I could use it for gas/groceries at first, but he also told me a few months ago that I can use it to buy small things for my self (like running shoes, lunch at work, hair cut). I’m still hesitant to buy things occasionally but he trusts me to be responsible with money so I worry about it less now.
Post # 13
While my DH makes nearly three times what I do his money is my money, so I feel free to spend “our” money when I want. We combined our funds after dating for about three years or so when we moved in together and I am in charge of finances so I am more aware of expenses anyway.
If it is a larger purchase I discuss it with him but most certainly do not ask for permission.
Post # 14
@beetrothed: We’re just starting to deal with this. For now, we both have our own accounts and pay for our own things, but when it’s the end of his pay cycle and the beginning of mine, I’ll pick up the grocery bill or date night expenses. When he’s the one who’s flush, he pays. He’s given me cash when he knows I’m broke and I’ve handed him cash when he can’t make it to the atm. I think it more or less evens out (according to our incomes… he makes way more than I do!).
Post # 15
FI and I view money as OUR money even though we dont have a joint checking account. It’s kind of like, if I have it and you need it, take it and vis versa. For purchased under 100 we typically don’t pay back – or if the purchase was for mutual benefit we don’t pay back. But he used my card to buy concert tickets for a group of people. $400 came out of my checking acct – I don’t care about him putting in the $ for his and my ticket – BUT when everyone else pays for their ticket, I will definitely be taking that $ and putting it into my checking acct.
Post # 16
Hubby and I combined our accounts when we moved in together the May before our wedding. What’s his is mine, and what’s mine is his. Large purchases we discuss before hand. We both get a amount of fun money each month which we can spend on anything we want. Everything else, rent food bills etc come our of the joint account.