(Closed) Spent all of the wedding Budget, FH doesn't know!

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hmm..it’s common for people to actually start planning the wedding they are envisioning and then find out after contacting vendors that things are more expensive than they thought.  But this is something you should have been telling your FI about, every step of the way.

Most men have very little idea how much weddings cost.  My husband didn’t.  So we set an unrealistically low budget for what kind of wedding we both wanted.  When I would get a quote, like say a florist quote, and I would be shocked at the price—I would ALWAYS show him.  Then, if I found something that was cheaper, even if it was over our initial floral budget, we would both be pleased with finding something cheaper, and we would adjust our budget accordingly.

So you should have been keeping him informed at every step of the way.  NOT waiting till it was all spent and then telling him you need $15,000 more.  That’s pretty awful, if you ask me.

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Can you do a budget breakdown with what you spent where? Going over by ~40% is kind of substantial.

Post # 5
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@girlygurl:  your info states that your date is sept 2013 but you write that your wedding is only a couple of months away.  which is it? 

how many guests are you expecting?  how did you already spend $25,000?  i would start returning things and start cutting back asap.

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

You and your FI also need to think about, and talk about, how you will handle money and budgeting during your marriage. This is a stinky problem to have to deal with – but the wedding is one day, and you could scrap your plans and go with something much cheaper. The bigger problem here is the possible lack of communication skills and financial discipline: those are things that can undermine your marriage if you don’t address them beforehand.

Post # 7
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If your wedding isn’t until Sept 2013 you still have 10 months to save 15k. I’m also not sure how you spent all of the money already. Do you mean you signed contracts totalling more than 25k already?

In all honesty, DH only has a rough idea of how much we spent in total for our wedding. I am the finance person, so I made sure we had the cash to pay for all of the contracts we were signing. For us, if we had the cash and liked the vendor we booked them. The grand total wasn’t that big of a deal. Hopefully your FI will feel that way!

Post # 8
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You need to tell your FI about this immediately.  You cannot enter into contractual agreements with vendors when you do not have a means of making payments to them by their deadlines, or they will cancel their services and retain your deposits.

Post # 9
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Time to get a second job!

Tell him immediately. It may cushion the blow if you already have that second job lined up!

Post # 10
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Please don’t hide this from him, I know he’d want to know.

It’s not really as bad as you think, but you need to discuss it together. Is there anything you can sell or return? Have your parents and grandparents already given you money? Mine all gave it to me right before the wedding because they knew I had contracts coming due which was a big help.

Post # 11
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

$25,000 is alot of money.  First you need to tell your FI what happened and your current situation. I don’t think that it is right for you to tell you FI “hey hunny, i spent $25,000 on the wedding so far and I need another $15,000.”  You set a budget of $25000 for a reason and now it is time to do some damage control.  It sounds like you got caught up in wedding planning bliss and let your spending get out of control.

So now it is time for you and your FI to sit down and figure out as a COUPLE how you are going to get this wedding planning back under control.

Post # 12
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can you post the budget breakdown? You can then get a better response on where you can cut some of the spending or attempt to renegotiate with your vendors.

You should ALSO DEFINITELY tell your FI about this since this is something that involves both of you.

Post # 13
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Step 1: tell him IMMEDIATELY

Step 2: go to all your vendors and say that youve come onto hard times financially and ask them to reframe your deals. So, say, don’t walk away from your contract with your florist, but tell her that you need to cut the flower budget by 2/3 and ask her to help you to find different flowers in your new budget.

Step 3: go and return things you have bought but do not absolutely need. Those robes for your bridesmaids? Gone. Table decorations? Nada. That expensive guestbook? Scrapped. Every little detail that you can possibly return, do.

Step 4: talk to your venue about booze. Switch to a cash bar. Personally, I hate cash bars, but if I knew that it was either a cash bar or going $15k in the hole, I would bite that bullet in an instant.

Going $15,000 over an already $25,000 budget by accident is kind of ridiculous. I don’t know where you could even spend that kind of money without realizing it. Expect your FI to be pretty pissed, both that you did it and that you didn’t tell him. But you will honestly and truly mess up your marriage if you don’t tell him ASAP.

Post # 14
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What is your budget breakdown, maybe we can help find some ways to cut costs?

Post # 15
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@girlygurl:

Like @nerd2215: asked, I would like to know what you’re spending the money on and what else you would like to have for your wedding. Maybe we can cut some things or come up with alternatives for you!

Post # 16
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

Well you clearly need to tell him. How did you end up spending so much? Did you not keep track? I would make sure to be open an honest with him, because that isn’t a way to start a marriage – lies and fiancial issues are the most common cause of divorce afterall.

Can you cancel some contracts or reduce the cost somehow?

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