(Closed) Spending Thanksgiving Alone.

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

aw hun I’m sorry you had a tough day. Have hope you absolutley will find a wonderful man and have a great family of your own one day.  Don’t settle for just anyone!  I’ve definitely been through my fair share of awful relationships with terrible guys, but just when I had given up on it all, accepted I would be single for life (or miserable with the wrong guy) and vowed to be single and not date for at least a year, I met my fiance.  Love yourself first and take care of you, the other half of the equation will come, I promise.

 

Post # 4
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Although I have a good relationship with my mother, my relationship with my emotionally abusive father has always been strained at best. When I was 17 and graduated high school, he told me I was no longer welcome in his house, which was not a shock to me.

I see my mother as much as I can, especially now that she’s ailing, but I am pretty close with my husband’s family, and I spent an early Thanksgiving with them this year. One of my favorite memories from my wedding is when my MIL hugged me and told me she was so glad I was going to be her daughter.

Family is what and who you make it. I know you’ll find happiness with family you love, whether that’s a spouse, in laws, friends, pets, or whomever you feel close to.

Post # 5
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

FI and I can both relate. Neither of us are close with our families. In fact, I would be a much happier person if I could just cut my parents off completely. We have found happiness, closeness, and that traditional sense of family with each other. There IS hope. When you find your love, it will be such a beautiful feeling on the day you realize the two of you are family. (((((HUGS)))))

Post # 6
Member
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Don’t feel too bad — I’ll be married in 16 days and I spent Thanksgiving alone!

I’m 1,200 miles away from the only home I’ve ever known, all my friends, all my family! I moved to a city in a state I had never been to and I know no one!

To-be husband deploys often and I forsee me spending a lot of holidays alone.

My only suggestion is to try to surround yourself with good friends and people who give a damn to you. Blood is thicker than water — I value some of my friends more than family.

Post # 7
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have experienced this, somewhat.. My family situation is good, but I live in another state, and finances havent always allowed me to go home. I remember eating at 7-11 one year for thanksgiving…everything else was closed! It always helped me to find something to do. Kudos to you for going to the movies, and doing some things to help you cope. Very very smart. 

I have some very dear friends who grew up in similar family situations. One of them is a single mom, in grad school, with a ten month old daughter. Her parents sent her an email letting her know they were not doing anything for thanksgiving this year, and they live in the same town as her (they have seen the baby 2 times). So she spent today alone with her daughter, and has decided that she will have minimum contact with them in the future. She doesnt deserve this treatment, and neither do you.

Another grew up with a single mom who is clinically schizophrenic. She was permanently institutionalized when my friend was 14. Holidays were pretty much a foreign concept. 

I just wanted you to know that you arent alone in this. Lots of ppl spend these times alone, though it is rarely talked about. Im having both friends over tomorrow, and will be cooking a big meal for us. I think you could look into some volunteer opportunities for the holidays. Most non-profits are dying for ppl to help them this time of the year. You do NOT have to deal with this behavior from your family (there are tons of resources out there for ppl who grew up with narcissitic parents). Meet ppl who share your values and ideas of respect towards others. I once heard it said “Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof”. I hope you find your real family : )

Post # 9
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ClassicStarlight:  aww (HUGS) i wish i knew you i would not let you spend a holiday alone.

blessings, Love and Light to you hun im going to say a prayer for you that God my he please spead up the prosses of you finding the man of your dreams im also going to pray for your family. i pray for healing, happyness and forgiveness may the spirit guides and angles watch over you and guide you to happyness and love. Amen!

Post # 10
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Not a lot to say, but I wanted to send hugs.

You are not alone, you have US!

Post # 11
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ClassicStarlight:  Your background sounds so much like mine, I could have written your exact post a few years ago.  I’m also 27.  I grew up in an abusive family and had a very unhappy childhood.  After I left home I became independent and successful but I spent many holidays alone and crying, dreaming of being part of a loving family one day.  I never had that until I met my husband, two years ago.  He is the most wonderful man, the type of man that I dreamed of and never knew existed.  Being with him was the first time in my life I ever truly felt I belonged, and we vowed to love each other unconditionally and to create a family where everyone will always know that they are loved.  We plan to have a big family and give our children the childhood I always wanted, and our first baby is due any day now.  Every day I look at my husband and I can’t believe how much love I have in my life.  

Sorry to gush, I am feeling mushy and thankful.  But I know what it feels like to be in your shoes and I feel your pain.  You can PM me if you ever want to talk.

Post # 14
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Big hugs to you! 

I fully understand how you’re feeling. Growing up, I had spent much of my holidays without my parents. They were too busy working. I remember gazing out of my window and peering into other homes that has a Christmas tree in it, feeling so envious of the other kids. Then, hearing that most of my classmates went on a vacation with their families over the school break when all I did was staying home. 

Fast forward to today, I’m happily married, travelled to many parts of the world and will be moving to our first marital home soon. My in-laws are really nice to me too and I feel really blessed. It is sweet that I now have parents who really care for me and love me as their own. 

Thus I’m sure one day in the near future, you will find your own happiness, as I have found mine. Always remember and work towards your DREAMS. Make a point to spend your future holidays with people who loves you. If your family can’t be there for you, reach out to your dearest friends. I’m sure they will be happy to have you join in their thanksgiving/ Xmas celebrations. I wish you the very best! May all your dreams come true! 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ClassicStarlight:  *hugs*

I don’t have a strained relationship with my family, but I can tell you a story of how my life was transformed.

From the ages of 18-nearly 23, I was in an abusive relationship. Actually, scratch my previous statement… things *were* strained with my family, because I didn’t have the guts to leave the guy. I thought for sure he’d kill me or hurt me. I tried to break things off with him a couple times– needless to say, he wouldn’t let me go without a fight. Finally, I broke up through a text message. I knew this was the only way. He was at my house several minutes later, trying to break the front door down. I wouldn’t see him. He stalked me for a bit, did some pretty awful thing to try to manipulate his way back in my life. I stood my ground. 

I lost myself in that relationship. After becoming single for the first time since I was 16, I had no idea who I was. It was a long recovery to ground myself, to create a good life for myself, the sort I knew I deserved. Here are my tips to you:

(1) Treat yourself with kindness. You are magnificent. You are beautiful. You have something incredible and unique to offer the world. Treat youself with the kindness you deserve, and you will attract people in your life that will treat you as you treat yourself. Spoil yourself. This doesn’t have to mean breaking the bank. Take a long bath, listen to your favorite music, cook yourself something grand. Do it regularly. Do this because you love yourself, and if you don’t feel you love yourself, do it because you’re learning to love yourself. Having a good relationship with yourself is the basis of all other relationships, romantic and platonic.

(2) Drop any negative influences in your life. When I was in an abusive relationship, I had many friends who were also dating abusers. After I ended it, I realized I wanted something different in my life, and those friends were keeping me down. I let them go. I’ve since met amazing people who have nothing but zeal for life and all the world has to offer. They encourage me and my dreams. You deserve to spend *your* precious time only with people who make you feel good.

(3) Find your bliss. If you haven’t already. Find whatever it is that you’re passionate about, and pursue it. This means trying a lot of new things, getting out of your comfort zone. It might mean signing up for a ceramics class, writing poetry for the first time, baking a pie from scratch. Whatever it is, find it and never let it go. Whatever it is that makes your heart sing, makes you feel so amazing that time flies while you’re doing it– this is your bliss. This is one of the things that makes life worth living and will give you a sense of purpose. “Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were only walls” –Joseph Campbell. 

(4) Volunteer. Sometimes we need to see people who have even less in order to take our minds off ourselves. Not that you need to take your mind off yourself, but focusing on the needs of others helps us to be grateful for everything we’ve got. 

You will meet someone who will care for you deeply, encourage you and all your dreams, help you be the best version of who you are with kindness and love. It will happen. In the meantime, do things that make you feel good about you. Make sure when you meet him, you’re wildly beautiful from being so passionate about life and the pursuit of your dreams. I think you will have a family one day– imagine telling your daughters all you learned from being on your own. You will be such a strong mother and example for them. Even this sucky situation might be, one day, seen in a positive light.

I hope you feel better soon. Do something for me. Make sure you treat yourself to the most kick-ass Christmas ever. Plan something really wonderful and exciting. You deserve it.

Post # 16
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

–Oh, the ending to my story (since you asked)—

I had been doing everything I included in my advice, as well as meditation, visualization, writing lists of things I was grateful for every day (since I am a very spiritual person, this really helped). I met this guy, and he also helped me through letting go a lot of that traumatic baggage. We dated for a couple months and got engaged immediately! We were married a year later, in a forest surrounded by lanterns and our loved ones. Now we are both supporting each other as we pursue our passions (he in teaching and art, me in jewelry design and creative writing). I’m 26 now. I’ve always wanted to have a baby at 28, so we shall see. 

You’ll have your story, too. Just wait. You’ll see.

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