spin off: do i have to put his parents' names on the invite at ALL?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: can i leave my FILs off of my invite all-together?
    leave them off- they didnt contribute at all : (82 votes)
    69 %
    put them on after the grooms name (son of) even though they didnt contrubute : (27 votes)
    23 %
    other (explain) : (9 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    2364 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @Bridebee13:  I’m in your boat and it’s insulting and aggravating seeing as though my mom is a single parent and doesn’t not have nearly as much income as FI’s dad…BUT I DIGRESS.

    I would leave them off just to make a statement.  Have you talked to your FI about it, what does he say?

    PS, you are under NO obligation to invite ANYONE from their side you or FI don’t want there and if they insist, tell them they need to PAY UP.  That’s ridiculous. 

    Post # 4
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It is traditional to ONLY put the name of the bride’s parents, if they are hosting. Something like “Mr and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Elizabeth Ann, to Kyle George Russel.”

    Post # 5
    6980 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    How does your FI feel about it? Technically it’s not required, but if she’s going to resent you for it forever I don’t think it’s worth it. You could just put “son of” which does not imply they are hosting.

    Post # 6
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It sounds like you are frustrated with them, and it also sounds like you can head off a potentially huge, long-lasting tantrum and fight at the pass by listing them under your groom’s name. Putting them there doesn’t indicate that they’re hosting anything at all, just that your FH has parents. Considering, too, that most invitations are going to get thrown away (but you’ll have to maintain a relationship with your in-laws for a long time), this doesn’t seem to be a battle worth fighting, even hypothetically. 

    Post # 8
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If you include their names after the groom’s name (“son of _______ and _______”), it doesn’t imply that they contributed financially.  

    If you did “Mr. & Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents invite you to the marriage of their children, _______ and _______”, THEN it would imply that they contributed financially, because it’s worded to suggest they’re hosting.  So don’t do that 🙂

    If I were you I would totally want to leave them off entirely, but I understand the need to keep FMIL from pitching a hissy fit.  Maybe just put their names in really tiny font 🙂

    Post # 9
    4638 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Bridebee13:  Your parents are paying, and therefore hosting the wedding. I think you can leave them off.

    We’re hosting our wedding and wording it like..

    blank and blank

    together with their parents

    Which doesn’t name either set because we declined any contribution, but still allows us to include them. Typically those who host, are named on the invite..

    Post # 11
    6048 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would at least run it past FI.  It’s not really fair to make a decision about his parents names being on there with out his knowledge.  If for nothing else than it’s his wedding too and you have to consider he’s going to be the one dealing with his parents on this issue.  I agree with you, they shoudln’t be on the invites to the wedding or rehersal dinner. 

    Post # 12
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @Bridebee13:  we didn’t put FI’s parents on our invitation. They haven’t done anything, and the further we go through the process, the more of an issue his mother becomes. The way the invitation was designed didn’t have a space for it, so we could’ve tried to squeeze in “Son of Mr. and Mrs. StopTryingToRuinOurWedding” but FI didn’t push for it and I didn’t see a reason to put them on there. We’ll see how many feathers it ruffles when we send them out.

    Post # 13
    5909 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @Bridebee13:  Technically, this isn’t their party….its your parents that are hosting it in you and your FI’s honor….so you’re absolutley right if you don’t include their names.

    A lot of people put both, because both families are contributing in one way or another, because we all know its not all about money.

    But I only had my parent’s name on our invitations because we were there on their dime….and if someone was bent out of shape about it, I certainly didn’t hear a word, not that I would have cared in the least…

    Post # 16
    3202 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @Sea_Ashley:  +1 This is the traditional route, it’s certainly not offensive to do it.

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