Post # 1
So, here is the situation. My parents are paying for 100% of our wedding, with FI and I contributing some little things (save the dates, decor items, etc). My parents are also paying for the bar and rehersal dinner, even though it’s customary for the grooms parents to pay.
My future in-laws have only made the wedding process a headache by making demands (inviting random friends that neither FI or myself know/ have met, inviting FSIL’s friends, insisting I invite ALL children on his side even though I am inviting none on mine due to the VERY fancy nature of the reception).
FMIL has also made rude comments about my dress/ my bridesmaid dresses/ pretty much everything you can think of.
Not only are they not contributing, they have complained about having to spend any money at all (dress (that she chose), tux, etc).
So, question: Can I put “brides parents request the honor of your company at the mariage of their daughter bride to groom” and NOT include their names anywhere on the invite? They havent expressed any indication that they expect to be on the invite, but I dont want a FMIL tantrum, because she throws massive ones.
I really feel like their lack of financial/ emotional contribution warrents me to leave them off.
What do you think?
Post # 3
@Bridebee13: I’m in your boat and it’s insulting and aggravating seeing as though my mom is a single parent and doesn’t not have nearly as much income as FI’s dad…BUT I DIGRESS.
I would leave them off just to make a statement. Have you talked to your FI about it, what does he say?
PS, you are under NO obligation to invite ANYONE from their side you or FI don’t want there and if they insist, tell them they need to PAY UP. That’s ridiculous.
Post # 4
It is traditional to ONLY put the name of the bride’s parents, if they are hosting. Something like “Mr and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Elizabeth Ann, to Kyle George Russel.”
Post # 5
How does your FI feel about it? Technically it’s not required, but if she’s going to resent you for it forever I don’t think it’s worth it. You could just put “son of” which does not imply they are hosting.
Post # 6
It sounds like you are frustrated with them, and it also sounds like you can head off a potentially huge, long-lasting tantrum and fight at the pass by listing them under your groom’s name. Putting them there doesn’t indicate that they’re hosting anything at all, just that your FH has parents. Considering, too, that most invitations are going to get thrown away (but you’ll have to maintain a relationship with your in-laws for a long time), this doesn’t seem to be a battle worth fighting, even hypothetically.
Post # 7
@BurlapnLace: We put our foot down immediately on the guest list issue. We cut all of the people neither FI or I know and all of his sisters friends. The only thing we bended on a little was kids, because they are high-school aged and their parents are from out of town (and they are his cousins). My side has much younger children I didnt want to invite.
FI has no idea what should/ shouldnt be on the invite, so I doubt he would have an opinion. I am tempted to just order them without, because I doubt he would even think twice about it.
ETA: I should have also added that his mother does not know anything about wedding ettiquete, as she and her only daughter both had courthouse weddings. She has probably been to 3 I am not sure she would even know to get offended, which for me, is even more reason to leave them out as it probably wont even offend them
Post # 8
If you include their names after the groom’s name (“son of _______ and _______”), it doesn’t imply that they contributed financially.
If you did “Mr. & Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents invite you to the marriage of their children, _______ and _______”, THEN it would imply that they contributed financially, because it’s worded to suggest they’re hosting. So don’t do that 🙂
If I were you I would totally want to leave them off entirely, but I understand the need to keep FMIL from pitching a hissy fit. Maybe just put their names in really tiny font 🙂
Post # 9
@Bridebee13: Your parents are paying, and therefore hosting the wedding. I think you can leave them off.
We’re hosting our wedding and wording it like..
blank and blank
together with their parents
Which doesn’t name either set because we declined any contribution, but still allows us to include them. Typically those who host, are named on the invite..
Post # 10
@Phamnomenon: I am really leaning towards leaving them off.
If I was sure that leaving them off would lead to a hissy fit, I would just suck it up and add them under “son of” just to avoid the unneccesary drama. However, I really think she won’t think twice about it, which makes me even MORE so want to leave them off.
Post # 11
I would at least run it past FI. It’s not really fair to make a decision about his parents names being on there with out his knowledge. If for nothing else than it’s his wedding too and you have to consider he’s going to be the one dealing with his parents on this issue. I agree with you, they shoudln’t be on the invites to the wedding or rehersal dinner.
Post # 12
@Bridebee13: we didn’t put FI’s parents on our invitation. They haven’t done anything, and the further we go through the process, the more of an issue his mother becomes. The way the invitation was designed didn’t have a space for it, so we could’ve tried to squeeze in “Son of Mr. and Mrs. StopTryingToRuinOurWedding” but FI didn’t push for it and I didn’t see a reason to put them on there. We’ll see how many feathers it ruffles when we send them out.
Post # 13
@Bridebee13: Technically, this isn’t their party….its your parents that are hosting it in you and your FI’s honor….so you’re absolutley right if you don’t include their names.
A lot of people put both, because both families are contributing in one way or another, because we all know its not all about money.
But I only had my parent’s name on our invitations because we were there on their dime….and if someone was bent out of shape about it, I certainly didn’t hear a word, not that I would have cared in the least…
Post # 14
@HisIrishPrincess: Thanks! Yes, I agree that I should at least run it by him. He is very aware that his parents are unwilling/ unable to contribute and has happily left them out of most decisions (food tasting, rehersal dinner, bridal shower, etc) because they are not footing any of the bill, so I am hoping he is agreeable to this. He has had money issues with them in the past, as he has financially helped them in MANY ways over the years, so fingers crossed!
Post # 15
@Nona99: agreed. If they were helpful in other ways, I would be more likely to include them. She has offered to help with crafty things and selecting things (flower girl dresses, etc), but I have declined, as she has only been rude in the past about wedding related things.
For example, I paid for her round-trip flight to NYC to dress shop with my mother and I (out of my own pocket) and all she did was complain the entire time, then said she didnt care for my dress (which I bought anyways). After that, we stopped discussing wedding related things.
Post # 16
@Sea_Ashley: +1 This is the traditional route, it’s certainly not offensive to do it.