Spin off: do you expect more out of your family or your friends when it comes to

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you expect your friends and family to treat your so?
    Same expectations with family and friends : (20 votes)
    53 %
    As long as my friends treat my so with respect and are cordial I'm ok with it : (1 votes)
    3 %
    As long as my friends respect my so that's all that counts but expect more of family : (16 votes)
    42 %
    Other please explain : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015


    Friends- I expect my friends to treat him with respect and invite him to events, as appropriate.  Not necessarily every event, but things that you would traditionally invite a couples too (weddings & etc.).  My friends and I also plan a lot of trips together, so for any overnight trip, I expect that an invitation will be extended to my SO.  This is only because one of my very best friends is a straight male, so our trips often aren’t “Girl Trips” anyway.  If I hung out with nothing but a bunch of girls, this probably wouldn’t be necessary. 

    Family- I expect them to respect my SO and our relationship.  We live together, so I expect them to treat us as a unit.  My sister really struggles with this, partly due to her own personal issues with my SO, and partly due to her lack of social graces.  She expects seperate gifts from us for things.  Like for instance, she has informed me that she would like to receive 1 particular thing for her house warming from me, and has requested that SO get her another item. . . Umm no! We are one household, and you are getting 1 gift! She also doesn’t like him to be present at family events, and always tries to get me to make big plans without him.  Like spending Christmas without him or going on a 2 week long European Trip for her birthday, that just so happens to fall 2 days before his, without him.  She honestly doesn’t get why its ridiculous to ask me to spend thousands of dollars our money, to go on a 2 week long trip to Europe, wtihout him on his birthday!!!  Not to mention this would take up all of my vacation days for the year! And furthermore, she knows that we are saving for a wedding!  *End Mini Rant*  

    That said, the rest of my family meets my expectations when it comes to respecting my SO & our relationship.  They invite him to things, they try to bond with him, they acknowledge that we work together on making major decisions that affect our household, and they don’t expect me to leave him alone for the holidays.


    Post # 4
    6678 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think it’s unreasonable to cut off family who does not include a BF in every single family event or holiday.  If you aren’t engaged, married or living together, there is no reason to be so joined at the hip that one can’t breathe without the other.  If you do end up together, there is your whole life for your parents to have to alternate holidays.  I was invited to homes of serious BFs and vice versa, but not every single time. The expectation was that we each went home for major holidays.  

    Of course, a lot will also depend on age,  time a couple has been together, family situations, and logistics. 

    All I ever expected at that stage was that my family be cordial, respectful and welcoming. If they were not, I would have to really question what they were seeing that I was not, because I can’t imagine them acting anything but warm and inclusive for no good reason. 

    Also, we all look at this kind of Q through the lens of our own family dynamic. 

    Post # 6
    920 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Are you referring to the same SO with each time you mention it? Or do you mean different men that you have dated?? It really depends on the seriousness of your relationship.

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