Post # 1
I think it’s a very stupid rule for several reasons
1) You shouldn’t throw a party expecting to cover the cost.
2) You shouldn’t have to guess how much a wedding costs.
3) THE MOST IMPORTANT: It implies that if you have a cheaper wedding you deserve a worse gift. If you are a couple of poor students who are doing a cake and punch reception you somehow deserve worse things than a privileged couple who can pay $200 per person, or somebody whose parents are really well off and paid for a fancier wedding.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I cover my plate for people who we are not close to, and go above and beyond for people we are close to. So I guess the “cover your plate” philosophy is my starting point rather than my hard and fast rule.
Post # 4
Not at all. I base my gift on how well I know the couple, and how much I can afford. Basically the same way I pick gifts for any event.
One of my friends got married shortly after we graduated college. I had a really bad job at the time and was barely able to pay my rent each month. The gift I gave was about $45-50. For most people that might seem cheap, but at the time that was a lot of money for me. They didn’t seem offended.
Post # 5
I don’t know what people’s weddings cost nor do I ask. I always buy a gift in a price range I am comfortable spending on that couple. I bet I’m well below my “plate” in some cases but above in others. People give a huge range of gifts, some low some high. I’m sure it balances out.
Post # 6
No. If someone I’m not close with has an expensive OOT wedding and spends $300 per person, I’m not giving them $300 pp on top of travel expenses. Likewise, my friends are getting married in vegas in a super casual arrangement and not having a reception for us, but I’m still going to give them a nice gift. The whole “cover you plate” expectation strikes me as tacky and shallow for the reasons you mentioned.
Post # 7
No. The cover your plate rule is ridiculous and illogical. One should gift based on their budget and relationship to the couple. It should not be based on the type of wedding a couple chose to have. It’s not cool to give one couple a $400 gift because they chose to have a $200 pp black tie event and another couple $100 because they had a backyard BBQ.
Post # 8
I’d never even HEARD of “cover your plate” until the Bee! I’ve always just given $100-200 cash in a card and called it a day.
Post # 9
I kind of do. If you are having a cake and punch reception with no alcohol why would I bring $200-300? In my area most people seem to follow it. Dont get me wrong though…if someone is getting married at the Waldorf and paying $500/head I’m not bringing $500+
ETA: I have never been to a cake and punch reception and I have never seen or heard anyone in my social circle/area have one. Weddings are pretty large in my area.
Post # 10
I don’t believe in this rule b/c I don’t think that those who can afford or who choose to have a wedding that costs 200 per plate should expect a 400 dollar gift from each couple that attends. In my opinion, if you choose to have a more expensive wedding, you should be prepared to cover the costs of it.
When my FI and I attend weddings, we give a minimum of $300 gift, irrespective of if my plate cost the bride and groom $50 or $200. If it is a very very close friend we increase the amount of our gift.
I find it incredibly rude that anyone would throw a party and expect their guests to cover their costs. If you cannot afford to pay for your wedding without the help of guests, then perhaps you should decrease your wedding budget so that you CAN afford to pay it. Monetary gifts received should be seen as a nice gesture but not as a means to pay off a wedding!
Post # 11
Personally, I do follow the cover-my-plate rule as a guest. But here we give presentation, not gifts. My reason is I don’t want the new couple to start off in debt. Here it is the norm to cover your plate, and you would be considered cheap and tacky if you didn’t by some. As the host of the wedding I did not have any expectations on my guests for amounts or anything like that. I think that would be rude. IMO the only appropriate response to any gift is “thank you”.
You should know that this is a cultural thing and calling it “stupid” may be offensive to some.
Post # 12
I had never heard of this until I moved to the US. Specifically, Long Island. It bothers me that this ‘rule’ even exists and is accepted by some people
Post # 13
@RunsWithBears: +1 I agree and I honestly wish I’d never heard of this “rule”: this summer, a good friend of mine is getting married and her family is INCREDIBLY well off (owners of a household fast food chain). She is their only daughter and her wedding is clearly extravagent. Usually, I would have done my standard $100-200 cash in a card, but now I’ve found myself worrying it’s not enough :-/
Post # 14
@gelaine22: because you’re not giving a gift in return of the food you’re being fed, but because you love them and want to help them/celebrate with them
most of my presents came from people who didn’t even attend the wedding
Post # 16
No, because how would you know how much they spent per plate unless they told you. My rule is give a gift that if I recieved it as a gift I would be happy.