Spin off: do you still attend if you can't afford a gift?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

If I invite someone to my wedding, it’s because I want them there.  I want them to share in our special day.  Not because of what gift they’ll bring or if they’ll “cover their plate”.

If your guests is happy for you, supporting you, and celebrating with you, what does it matter if they can bring a gift or not?  Maybe someone can’t afford it, maybe they’re cheap, maybe they don’t know/follow etiquette.  Regardless.  A wedding is not a charity event where you have to buy your way in.

Post # 4
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

We didn’t expect gifts since most of our guests had to travel, so we didn’t register for much.  I personally would make something for the couple if I couldn’t afford to purchase something, but I think a card is fine.  I would rather have the person there with no gift rather than a gift in the mail without them in attendance.

Post # 5
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly DH and I are attending his sister’s wedding (7/6/13). It’s OOT and we can’t afford a gift for her. We can barely afford the gas to get there. She did not attend our wedding we just had (did not even bother to say she wasn’t going to make it) and I’m still a little sour about that but I am there to be supportive for DH. We are bringing a card.

I would want guests still to make it to my wedding and not bring a gift but at least a card I mean, come on! A wedding is a once in a lifetime event so if you miss it, then you just miss it.

Post # 6
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I was invited to my friend’s wedding last September.  We were in such a bad place financially that we couldn’t really afford to spend any money on a gift.  I was so humiliated to show up without a gift.  I felt so bad, like she would be upset with me.  I don’t know – something.  Months later I finally brought it up with her and apologized.  She said so sweetly that she understood, and knew that we were in a hard place at the time, and didn’t expect anything from us.  She said she was just so happy that we were there. 

So yes, I did show up without a gift.  Though I felt slimey!  I just feel as though it is so expected of guests nowadays that showing up w/o ones gets me judged.

Post # 7
Member
6028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would try to at least get them something small…even if that only means a “congratulations on getting married” card. Not that I feel like guests are expected to bring gifts, that’s just how I am.

However, if one of my guests wasn’t able to purchase a gift for us I would be fine with that. I understand that people have different financial situations. I’m inviting my guests because I want them there to celebrate this special day, not because they bring presents.

Post # 9
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yes, although I would bring a card.

Post # 10
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am by no means rich. My fiance and I are both graduate students and make peanuts. However, I would never show up at a wedding without a gift. If our financial situation ever got really dire, I’d find a way to give at least $50 or $100, even if I had to put it on credit for a month. I can’t imagine showing up to a wedding without even a card — you can get one for 99 cents at Walmart!

Post # 11
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

of course. and I would have been SO upset if any of my guests didn’t come to my wedding because of that

Post # 12
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

(you should add a poll)

Post # 13
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, but I’d still find a way to get something small.

Post # 15
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you need to bring something.  My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding with no help from parents.  Honestly, I would be a little upset if someone came to my wedding empty handed.  I find it a bit rude.  Can you make them something?  Or find something small on their registery?  If you attend a wedding and eat the food and drink the alcohol, then you should DEFINATELY bring a small gift.  Weddings aren’t cheap!!

Post # 16
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsPanda99:  I didn’t attend a bachelorette weekend once because I couldnt afford a gift for the lingerie party portion, much less a trip. The bride acted foolish about me not going and quit speaking to me entirely. I feel if I had shown up empty-handed but supportive, I would have been talked about anyways. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Now, if we couldn’t afford a gift we probably just wouldnt go because I don’t feel like being discussed.

 

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