Post # 1
I was reading this thread (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-just-want-to-spend-more-time-with-my-husband#axzz2a4jt0rRe) about the bee whose husband spends more time with his friends than her and realized “oh no! that’s me!” I love spending time with my FI (soon to be DH), but I have a very bad habit of filling most of my free time with friends and community activities. I’m very extroverted, while FI is introverted. I invite him to come along, so that I can “kill two birds with one stone” by spending time with him and with friends, and he does come the majority of the time. But he does ask from time to time “when are we going to spend time just you and me?” and I don’t have a good answer for him because I’ve already overbooked the calendar for the next two weeks!
I’m honestly worried about how I’m going to be after we get married in three weeks. One suggestion I received from a friend is to literally schedule my husband into my calendar. For instance, if I have a community meeting on Tuesday evening and going to happy hour with a friend on Thursday evening, schedule DH into Wednesday evening so that I’m not tempted to fill that day with another commitment. If someone says “hey, are you free Wednesday evening?” answer “no, but are you free next week?”
Does anyone have any other suggestions?
Post # 3
I think it’s great that you recognize this could become an issue because that’s the first step to finding a solution. My DH is very much like you and I find myself resenting him from time-to-time because of it.
That’s a great idea to schedule him into your calendar so that you don’t overbook yourselves. What about setting up a weekly date night? You could do different activities each week – movies, dinner, walk, bike ride, etc. If my DH suggested that I’d be floored and so happy.
Post # 4
I’ve never really been in this position because my husband and I are best friends, so it’s natural that we’re always together. However, I think the key thing is we have a lot of activities to enjoy together. Maybe try to think of some things that you enjoy doing with your husband? You could even schedule some alone time before or after you two go to meet up with friends (i.e. couples massage, a quick bite, etc).
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
We have things that we do together- like watching certain TV shows, and going to dance classes. However, we never have a problem with spending enough time together because neither of us has much of a social life
Post # 6
It is super easy to take someone for granted but you def have to make the effort and pencil him! While I do not have that problem wnth DH, I do have to with the gym! I try to fit the gym in but it’s always the first thing to go when other things come up so now I put it on my calendar so I’m less tempted to blow it off for something else. DH and I do date night once a month, not anything too fancy just dinner or movies or something. Maybe you guys could find something you’re both into? Like a book club or something?
Post # 7
I think PPs have some great ideas, and I would agree with pencilling him in and finding stuff you both enjoy together. I would think that this endeavour should start with an honest discussion though. Find out how much time he would like you to be spending just the two of you, because it will be really frustrating if you go to the effort of making sure to make time for him and he still resents you because it’s not enough, or you resent him because you feel that you are missing out on other things when really he would be satisfied with less one on one….
Post # 8
Schedule him in, set a standard date night or at home night, or limit yourself to no more than X nights out each week.
I’m more of a busy bee too than my husband. I try to not schedule him in (dinners out with friends) for more than a few evenings a week or he gets fatigued and frustrated. Unless something goes crazy, I am always home at least two nights (or I get fatigued!) but I generally try to keep it home at least 4 nights each week. So I might have something planned for two week nights and a weekend night. Last week, I had a short appointment one weeknight, a longer event another night and skipped third that was scheduled. We were gone over the weekend (his dads). This week we have dinner with a friend tonight, worked late another night, and will be gone over the weekend (my parents).