Post # 1
New bee here and I’ve been reading through the emotional boards today and have to say my fiance and I always throw out name-calling when we’re fighting. It’s usually in the heat of the moment but I never really thought it was that big of a deal until reading some bee’s reactions to it on other threads.
I’m curious to know if other bee’s deal with name calling in their fights?
Post # 3
my fiance and I do our fair share of fighting but have agreed that two things will NEVER be said.
1. We will never speak of breaking up/getting divorced when we are in the middle of fighting
2. We never call each other hateful names, the only purpose of doing it is to piss each other off, not make anything better.
Post # 4
@Birdee106: I love these rules.
My Fiance and I have never called each other names in an argument/out of anger. We only ever call each other dumb names like “poo head” or something in a joking manner. He’d have to do something really terrible for me to call him a mean name during a fight (or period). I just don’t see the purpose it serves, other than to make your SO more mad, as PP said.
Post # 5
Everyone is different, but to me its disrespectful. And not only that I think there are rules to fighting fair and that allows to keep lines of communication open, hostilities down, and helps prevent miscommunications.
You need to fight about the topic. There is no need to bring other baggage (IE old arguments, other topics, or name calling) into it. This leads to fewer fights. More ups than downs in a relationship.
I would be furious if someone I didnt know called me a name, or a friend, or a boss because they were angry or frustrated. So why is it OK for my husband? If he doesnt mean, dont say it. Learn Control. You need control in your profesional life, why is it OK to let it go in your personal?
Post # 6
We call each other names all the time playfully… but we never belittle each other or name call when were arguing.
Post # 7
@Birdee106: Same here.
I just can’t see it leading anywhere good, and this coming from someone who curses all the time. But I never curse AT him, and I never call him names, and wouldn’t accept that kind of behavior from him either. The occasional joke or sarcastic use of name-calling? Sure, like the kind where it’s so obviously a joke or sarcastic that there is no other way to interpret it. But saying it in a fight either means you mean it on some level or there is a WAY better way you could have phrased it. I mean, during a fight I won’t say like “you’re an idiot” because what I probably mean is “I can’t understand why you think that, and it doesn’t make sense to me…here’s how I see it”….I just see saying what you mean as the more productive route, and if I really meant “you’re an asshole” than I wouldn’t stay dating you.
Post # 8
@22newbee14: I agree with you. Yelling and name calling are normal in our fights and we are both okay with that. I just don’t get offended by most “bad” words/names. I was also surprised by seeing that some bees consider these things to be really serious and offensive, but I think it’s just because every relationship is different. As long as you and your SO are okay with the way things are, there’s no problem
Post # 9
I think it totally depends on the dynamic of your relationship. Darling Husband and I rarely fight but we bicker like its our job. We often call each other names that some people would deem offensive but neither of us have ever felt disrespected in the slightest. We know what would cross the line and we’ve yet to reach that point in the many years that we’ve been together. I see nothing wrong with some harmless name calling as long as its dished out with love! 🙂
Post # 10
I have probably said at some point.. “You’re being a jerk about this” but that’s not at all typical.
I’m pretty sure Fiance has never called me a name. He’s more the type to clam up and walk away when we get worked up in a “discussion” and come back to it when we’re calmer.
We also follow the “no threats” rule – maybe not consciously, but I know I would never say it, and he never has. My thought is that I would never open that door unless I meant to go through it.
Post # 11
We definitely call each other names jokingly (but never really mean names, just like jerk, etc.) but we never ever do it during a fight. We’re both of the opinion that if you can’t state your case without resorting to inflammatory words you probably shouldn’t be speaking at all.
Post # 12
I certainly don’t get offended by ‘bad’ words/names, I use awful language as does my fiance but that doesn’t mean it’s okay in a fight. No one enjoys screaming at each other or hearing hurtful things from the one you love so why say them? Nobody likes hearing that from the person they love.
Post # 13
While we may get loud and frustrated I don’t think we have ever named called in any fights. I can’t remember a time when my Fiance ever called me something derogatory and vice versa. I definitely think it should be avoided and only makes the situation worse. You can’t take it back once you have said it.
I have told him he was acting like an ass a couple of times, but he was. That wasn’t in a fighting situation but in a joking manner where he was being silly.
Post # 14
@Birdee106: Those are really good rules!
For me personally name calling is rude, unnecessary and ignorant. It is what people do when they don’t have any other word to use instead of the insultive one that comes to their mind first.
If you can’t put a name on what your partner is acting as, don’t call him bad names just to prove your point. It won’t do anything except piss him/her off more.
The whole “it’s the heat of the moment thing” doesn’t do it for me because a mature person (which leads to a mature relationship) knows how to think before they speak. Words hurt no matter what situation they are said in.
Don’t get me wrong, I cuss all the time, but never at him and vice versa, because we love each other. He makes me happy and if he does do something that drives me off the walls – he will apologize to me before I even get the chance to be that mad.
Post # 15
we have never ever called eachother names and i hope it never happens.
we dont argue often but when we do we still remain civil and dont loose control. my husband is actually quite eloquent when we do argue, its like hes conducting a conflict resolution session which usually ends up with us laughing about his i “i feel like/you make me feel” statements
Post # 16
I don’t think it’s terrible if it’s during a really heated moment, and it’s deserved. In 6 years, I think he’s said “You’re being a bitch” once, and “You sound crazy” once…he’s very easy going, so that’s really the worst of it coming from him…I tend to be more hot-headed, and once called him a “spiteful F—“…he actually got REALLY upset, but he was being spiteful! Lol…it’s situational, but def not okay on a regular basis.