Post # 1
I hope i don’t offent anyone. Please keep comments respectful.
This is a spin-off about another post in the waiting boards asking if you got pregnant, would it change your timeline?
A few said “no, i don’t want people thinking that he proposed because i was pregnant” and it got me thinking… what would i do? I also would never want people thinking that! And i know we should say “screw those people, who needs them”, but let’s face it. Sometimes we do care what people think. Having a cousin (who was more like a sister and people often refferred to us as the”twins”) who dated a guy for a couple years and fell pregnant, then had a wedding shortly after finding out … i saw what people thought.
I had numerous people say “soooooo [cousins name] huh?” and make that weird face. That weird face like someone accidentally peed their pants. Or “so did they like even want to get married?” or just a plain old “what happened to her?” Like she went through some big ordeal. Then they would end the conversation with “oh well i hope she is happy”.
I would never want people thinking stuff like that and being so rude. Even when i explained that they had been together for a while, it was just kind of like a shoulder shrug *oh ok, if you say so*. SO and I have discussed marriage and kids and I know it is in our future and should something happen before we plan, then that is something we would adjust to. I think we would move up our timeline, but i would be lying if i said that the “proposal because i was pregnant” and “pregnant bride” stigma weren’t in the back of my mind. If you became pregnant before proposal…. what did you/would you do? Those who went through it, did you notice any negativity that came along with it?
Again – please don’t take offense if you happen to have had a child before marriage. This is not bashing anyone! I understand families are different and everyones timelines are different. I am pretty much about talking about the social aspect of it.
Post # 2
It might change my timeline, yes – I’d want to get married faster, well before I had the baby! lol Planning a wedding later with a small child to care for and worrying about losing weight and all that… no way. If people want to think he proposed because of the baby, I say let them! Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone’s got one.
I only know of one wedding where everyone was thinking “they’re getting married because she’s pregnant” and it wasn’t pretty. The couple had only been together a few months when she got pregnant and the wedding felt forced and rushed – we received invitations a week before the wedding – in a text message from the groom (who looked absolutely miserable, btw)! It was really awkward and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I’ve been to other weddings where the bride was pregnant and the only thought I had about the bride’s pregnancy was “poor thing, she can’t have champagne!” Other than that… I suppose some men just need a gentle nudge in the right direction. If a baby on the way is that gentle nudge, that’s none of my business, my business is to be there and be happy for them and congratulate all three of them 🙂
Post # 3
MsMeow: Yeah that is something to think about! Planning with a small child running around and loosing extra weight! lol you make very valid points! hahah
Post # 4
3-4 months out? Perfectly fine. I just don’t want to show on my wedding day. If I were 8 months out? I may do a courthouse wedding and then move the celebration back a year.
Post # 5
leisha606: My brother has 3 kids. A trip to the bathroom required careful planning when they were little, I can’t imagine how anyone could manage to plan a whole wedding like that! 🙂
I actually have a friend who moved her wedding up three months, from August to May because she got pregnant (after they got engaged though). They booked everything and then found out she was pregnant and due in early September. They moved the wedding up immediately and it was one of the best decisions they ever made, or so she told me. Imagine going into labor at your own wedding! Haha.
Post # 6
I can’t imagine anyone I know being judgemental about any woman being pregnant before marriage. There are thousands of couples with children today who have perfectly stable families without the benefit of marriage.
No woman HAS to get married these days just because she is pregnant. Let’s be real here. Almost everyone is sexually active before marriage. Some couples just get unlucky and get pregnant before they planned.
If any woman is pregnant before the wedding, I assume they want to get married, not that they have to.
Post # 7
honestly I’m glad we were already engaged when we found out I was pregnant. we were going to start trying before the wedding anyways because I have some health issues but we ended up with a happy accident! we did decide to push back the wedding a year from when we were planning becaus eI would have been just about to give birth! I’m not worried about losing weight of having time to plan, I already have a 4 year old and I lost the weight pretty quick and you just get used to getting things done when you have a kid. I also just did not want to be a pregnant bride, I want to be able to drink at my wedding and have a fun honeymoon ( another reason we are waiting until the baby will be one to get maried) I don’t think anyone thinks we are getting mariied because I’m pregnant, anyone who knows me knows better than that!
Post # 8
Moonbear17: This is exactly how I would feel. We got pregnant after we were married but if we hadn’t I would for sure get married after baby. You would figure out how to plan and lose weight after baby. Its not like you can never do anything after you have kids, you just figure it out. There is also no way I’d pay for an open bar at my wedding and not partake either!
Post # 9
Most people I know would be jokingly judgmental about a soon-to-be bride who got pregnant (“oooh, shotgun wedding I see!” and so on) but would not actually think less of her. Still, I think any sort of comments like that can be obnoxious. Sort of like relatives who think they are being funny to say to their younger female relations, “sooo are you dating anyone now? Better get on it – clock’s ticking you know! Hahaha!”
If I got pregnant I would not change the wedding, because it’s local anyway and we already put a downpayment on the venue and made invitations. But I would likely require my FI to courthouse marry me ASAP so I could get his insurance. I don’t think I would make the pregnancy common knowledge, though. In fact, to avoid discussion altogether, Iwould likely not tell anyone but the closest of family members (sworn to secrecy) about the pregnancy, and then just show up fat in a maternity dress on my wedding day and shock everyone. It would be harder for them to be judgmental to my face when they’re eating and drinking on me and FI, I think.
Post # 10
Ballet513: exactly! I’m not going to spend all that money on a wedding I’m not really going to get to fully enjoy! also tons of people plan a wedding with kids, it’s not like it’s that hard! if I couldn’t plan a wedding with a kid I can’t imagine how I could get anything else done,, once you have kids you adapt!
Post # 11
I wouldn’t change the timeline to hide the pregnancy, but I would change it to accommodate it (if like, it happened to be on the due date or something).
But I don’t live my life to make other people feel comfortable, either.
Post # 12
I might get some flack about this, but my husband and I discussed what we would do about an accidental pregnancy when we started sleeping together and we agreed to termination. I wasn’t even sure I wanted a kid until shortly before we got engaged, at which point we would have continued a pregnancy. If I got preggers during the engagement, I’d probably try to move it up or pushing it back so I wasn’t in risk of delivering at the wedding but other than that, I think it’d be fine. We’d been dating for 4.5 years when we got engaged and were living together. Honestly, the person most likely to judge (my old fahsioned grandmother) i also the one now pressuring us to get preggers ASAP, so she would have been momentarily embarrassed and then really excited.
Post # 13
I got pregnant 9 months after we got engaged. It definetly changed our timeline. Not because I want to hide my pregnancy, but because I know how expensive babies can be, and I figured it would be easier to pay for a small wedding before the expenses of a baby than after.
Post # 14
We were actively considering TTC for a time before we were engaged, so no-it wouldn’t have changed our timeline. We are commited to each other, and don’t feel marriage is a pre-requisite to starting a family. At this point TTC is years off, and the wedding is 3 months away, so it;s a moot point for us but I do feel sad for those in this situation who are judged.