Post # 1
Reading another thread about a Bee deciding to go to a wedding without her DH or not at all prompted responses from a few Bees that they would not go to any event without their husbands. I’m curious if many Bees feel this way or if some of you don’t mind going to events without him/her. Also, did this change from the time you were dating and engaged to the time you were married? Does the event’s formality matter?
As a Waiting Bee, I enjoy the company of my SO at events but find couples who won’t go out to lunch with friends (for example) without their DH/DW to be more vexatious than anything. Help a Bee understand! 🙂
Post # 3
@ClassicCorvette: Naturally I have gone places without my (non-husband) significant other and I will continue that practice if I ever get married so long as it isn’t a situation where both of us should have been invited and weren’t. I’m just baffled by all these recent threads on the Etiquette board where one part of a married or engaged couple wasn’t invited to a hosted social function!
Post # 4
Sure, we go to separate events fairly often. In the case of a wedding though where we really should be invited as a social unit (and other friends were), no, I probably wouldn’t go.
Post # 5
I wouldnt have a problem going to an event without my husband. I can have fun without him! I find couples who can’t do anything without each other (like LUNCH with the girls) quite annoying actually. Time apart is just as important as time together.
Post # 6
@ClassicCorvette: We try to get to things as a unit, but there’s only two of us, and sometimes we have to literally be in two places at once…so he goes to his cousin’s wedding, I go to the dinner party at Aunt Elenors and we meet up at home after and share horror stories.
Post # 7
@MarriedToMyWork: Very true, I would never expect a couple to be separate at that sort of event.
Post # 8
@ClassicCorvette: Yes. It happens. I work an alternate schedule, so there will be loads of things that my FI will likely have to attend solo. This is so not an issue for us.
ETA: And I don’t stand on ettiquette, ever. So should he be invited to the wedding with me? Yes. Would I miss a good friend’s wedding who just didn’t have it in the budget/space for him? Nope. He’d understand. I’d probably be a little disappointed she didn’t think it all the way through, but not so much that I’d miss her wedding to prove my point.
Post # 9
I frequently go to things without SO obviously I go to lunch and things or drinks with friends but also really formal event to openings and galas and also weddings. It doesn’t bother me and SO is the same.
It weirds me out when couples have to do EVERYTHING social together
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I voted no because I’m an introvert homebody and need a crutch person at “events”- either him, a close family member, or a really good friend! If I’m going by myself to see acquaintances-at-best then I’d probably just rather stay home!
Post # 11
I go out or to parties where other people have their husbands all the time without mine. He’ll go to parties without me too. It’s no big deal.
Post # 12
I do lots of things without my dh. I’ve traveled to conferences, attended functions, parties, doesn’t matter. There are some things I would prefer to go with him too but I’m not going to let him not being there stop me from going. My dh often works out of town for long stretches of time, if I stayed in every time h e couldn’t attend something with me then I’d become a hermit. Plus, there are some things that I go to that he just wouldn’t enjoy or somethings where a man in attendance isn’t appropriate.
Post # 13
Yes, I would definitely go to (and have gone) to events without H. However, that’s usually contingent upon knowing other people at said event. I don’t particularly like attending something where I know no one.
However, I will say that I would decline events if my H was intentionally not invited or not welcome (with the exception of lady-only or coworker-only events). For instance, if we were invited to a wedding, formal event, or even just a regular party and my husband was not allowed to come, I would decline the invite. It’s just rude and disrespectful to not invite SOs.
Social units are a packaged deal. Now that’s not saying that couples should be attached at the hip and attend everything together or not at all. It means that couples should be invited together or not at all.
Post # 14
@ClassicCorvette: I go to lots of things without my FI! Girls nights, going out downtown, parties, traveling, etc. etc.. I wouldn’t like to go to a wedding without him- and if he wasn’t invited I’d boycott because I’d be annoyed… but I’d go alone if say he was out of town on business or something like that.
Post # 15
We’ve been long distance for two years. We go to events without each other by default. When we are finally living together (in a year), there’ll be things we do that don’t involve the other. Even on our honeymoon it’s likely that we’ll split up so that neither of us misses out on doing something we want, but that the other has no interest in (i.e. I’m dying to go salmon fishing, but he’s meh on fishing, and I hate heights, so I’ll catch some fishies while he does a flightseeing tour.)
Now, if one of us wasn’t invited and it isn’t a “girls only” or “boys only” type of thing, then we’d reconsider just what kind of people those “friends” were.
Post # 16
Most things we go to as a “social unit” (if we are both invited ** and this might relate to that topic that prompted this spin-off)
BUT that isn’t to say that if something comes up, that the other of us opts out of attending.
ie… Dinner Party… Mr TTR is out of town on business. I am still going to go, even if I am the only “single” in the mix.
** Being Married, and before that Engaged & Living Together, we would have opted out entirely of a “social” event tho if we’d been SNUBBED and not received an Invite for both of us. That isn’t cool at all. Early days tho, when we were just Dating and not a “recognized social unit”… both of us would have done our own thing. Clearly understanding that if we expected more from people in the way of an Invite, then it would be up to us to declare our Relationship AS MORE (and that oftentimes can be done via a proper introduction… be that by note, exchanging photos, or inviting others out to socialize). When people don’t make the effort, it is understandable that others don’t get that there is “more than meets the eye” at first glance.
As for other situations…
Then or now… Like a Business Invite… or some other type of thing… that is more my friends than his… or his vs mine… we’d have no problem going solo.
We are pretty independent people being Encores & given our ages… so we can function quite well alone (altho we do generally prefer the company of the other for events that are social / mixed groups in nature)