Post # 1
This is a spinoff to a current thread on adoption. I wanted to ask this question but didn’t want to threadjack.
A common thing I see with adoption on that thread and with people I know is the notion of having a mixed family of children you birthed and adopted children.
So I have to ask the question, why if you can have your own children would you adopt?
Post # 3
@PuntaCanaBride: I don’t have any children at the moment… BUT I would think people want to adopt children to give them a loving home. You don’t have to be barren to want to adopt children. Actually I’ve talked to Darling Husband about his and he’s totally for the idea if we have the money to support it.
Post # 4
There are half a million children who don’t have loving families. I think it’s a great idea to adopt and give these children a home. I’ve always found the idea of insisting that your kids have to be your own quite narcissistic.
Post # 5
Because even with the number of people who can’t have bio children, there is a huge number of kids who need loving homes and just because they don’t share my DNA doesn’t mean they are any less deserving of parents who will love them. I have this insane huge amazing family and I want kids who have mostly come from a really rough place to see there are good people in the world who care about them.
Post # 6
@strawbs: I agree. I try to weigh the options in my mind – have a child who has the same genes as me or rescue a child from a desperate situation.
Post # 7
Also, maybe you have health reasons for doing so. You COULD have another child but it might be a very difficult preganancy/risk your health or the health of the child.
Also, maybe you had a terrible experience giving birth and never want to go through it again?
Post # 8
I understand wanting to have your “own” child, one made of your own flesh, blood, sinew and bone.
I can’t deny people that right to have their own children, but there are a lot of children who are going to get “lost in the system” and fall through the cracks that could really use someone to catch them.
Post # 9
I would love to adopt/foster and as far as I know I am able to have my own children. Unfortunately, Darling Husband wants to have at least one bio child. Like PP have mentioned, I would like to give a loving home to children who don’t have one. I helped raise an exboyfriends little brother (single mom who had to work a lot) as well as my nieces (alcoholic parents) and it is incredibly rewarding to help create a stable enviornment for children. I also prefer older children to newborns and don’t really look forward to pregnancy (sickness, fatigue, body changes).
Post # 10
To clarify, I have nothing against adoption. I would adopt a child and love it just as much as one of my own DNA.
My sister was unable to conceive and has adopted an amazing little boy and they are looking to adopt a second child now. It just breaks my heart that they are waiting forever for a child and then someone that could have their own children takes a baby from her.
But PP brought up a good point. There are way more children out there that need a good family/home than there are people who are unable to conceive. And I realize anyone trying to adopt is just trying to do a good thing for a child in need.
Thank you for the perspective.
Post # 11
@PuntaCanaBride: it’s a long wait for everyone because of the paperwork involved. also b/c your sister is looking for a newborn. A lot of couples who can’t concieve look to only adopt newborns. Has she looked into adopting an older child?
Post # 12
Because adoption shouldn’t be a back up plan for not being able to have children. As I just said in the previous post, that sets up a really dangerous mindset for many famiies, and I’ve seen adoptions go wrong so many times. From having unrealistic expectations of how that child should be to the parents never being able to get over the idea that ‘he/she isn’t really mine.”
For me the fact that I want to adopt has nothing to do with whether or not I can have children. It’s mutually exclusive in my mind.
Post # 13
@PuntaCanaBride: I am glad that your sister has formed a family unit through adoptions and it must be stressful to wait for good news. However, I don’t see it as people who are able to have children “taking a child from her”. I am sure the other adoptive parents are just as anxious to take their little one home whether or not they are able to concieve one on their own.
Post # 14
@BagsnBooks: Because adoption shouldn’t be a back up plan for not being able to have children.
+1 I love this
Post # 15
Newborn adoptions just have a long wait. If she wants a slightly older kid it could be less than six months.
Post # 16
@PuntaCanaBride: someone that could have their own children takes a baby from her
Wow, you come across as very insensitive. Who are you to judge which prospective parents should have a child?
Those who adopt should do it to give the child a family, not to gain or win a child.