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I wouldnt say "pesky" ex but I am friendly with most of my ex boys. I may or may not also be the friend that is female. I try not to be in my defense and try to distance myself if the friend is just first starting to date someone so they have some time to find out whom I am first. But sometimes it's hard and I try to befriend the girl so they understand I am in no way looking to be anything but a friend.
One time we were at a bar and his new gf starts telling another friend of ours about how he compares her to me all the time and how it's starting to annoy her. He started requesting that she do thing the way that I used to do them. The third party friend later told me about it a few weeks later when we had met for lunch. I thought it was funny, and honestly it made me feel good even if that's terrible.
However, a few weeks later I also found out that he still has a picture of me in his house. There's another couple in the picture, but I couldn't imagine if I was her having to walk by me everyday. That's when I felt bad for her a little bit.
I don't talk to any of my exes, but my best friend is a guy and his last gf hated me (now she is his pesky/psycho ex lol). Somehow the fact that I was engaged to my bf of 4 years, that I'd been friends with the guy for most of our lives and we'd never even considered dating eachother, and that I was really excited that he had a gf so we could all go on double dates, didn't help her insecurity with him having a female friend. Come to think of it, she hated all his male friends too. Some women are just horribly jealous!
I guess I am one. I talk to my ex every month or so- my FI knows as I don't keep secrets from him. I don't think she knows though. It is a completely innocent friendship. We don't and won't hook up of course, just text/e-mail about once a month to keep up with what the other is doing. We were not compatible in a relationship but totally work as friends.
I was friends with my ex for two years before we started going out and we were together for 6 years. When we broke up, we first took time apart, but would go for coffee from time to time to catch up. We didn't want to be too involved in each other's lives, but still cared about each other enough to keep in touch.
Well his current gf does not like that and we severed all ties because of that. Now, we write twice per year, once to say happy birthday and once for Christmas; and I'm pretty sure she's over his shoulder watching, because he keeps it briefer than he used to!
I wish she was comfortable with us staying friends but she's not, and I respect that. But I miss him though in some way.
I'm not a pesky ex. I don't want a relationship with most of my exes. I don't really have any contact with my ex-husband that does not involve the kids...and to be honest, I try to have most of our conversations through e-mail or texting. I know I don't bother his wife at all because she always seeks me out and makes a point to say hello and make small talk when she sees me..and even sent food when I was sick.
Howvever, there is one ex both my husband and I are close to. But his girlfriend does not think of me as the pesky ex because she does not know we ever dated. He made me promise I'd not tell her when I first met her. I didn't think it was going to be a serious relationship (he was on the rebound and not looking for anything serious when he met her), so I agreed. Now they have been together several years and are living together. So now, I find myself having to watch what I say around her, so I don't slip and let out any information about him I really probably shouldn't know.
Nope, not at all! I haven't talked to any of my exes in years. I'm actually pretty thankful for their douchiness, so I don't have to deal with any drama as a result ;) Also, my boyfriend has no contact with his exes so it's nice to be on the same page!
@Leahhh: Haha agreed! I would send them a thank you note...but I have no interest in contacting them ever again!
Nope! Although maybe kinda for a minute? I only have two real ex's.
Ex 1: HS sweetheart. Typically dramatic breakup followed by 6 months of not talking followed by a friendship we realized wasn't really supported by having anything in common and eventual drifting apart. We reconnected via facebook and were casual acquaintances for years. We'd chat maybe twice/year for about 5 minutes until we ran out of things to say. I never thought anything of it until a few months ago I saw on someone else's page that he'd gotten engaged and when I went to his page to congratulate him I saw he'd unfriended me. I didn't take it personally because I assumed he was just cleaning shop from people he doesn't talk to much, but when I messaged him a congratulation message and was met with stone cold silence I realized that his new FI prob nixed his communication with me because I'm an ex. oh well.
Ex 2: dated from the end of hs through college and law school. majorly dramatic break-up. we don't speak. last i heard he did have a girlfriend but I don't really have any interest in chatting him up :)
Nope. I'm not in contact with my ex's. I won't say they are all jerks, but I just don't have any reason to talk to them. I'm not friends with them on FB and don't see them ever.
Maybe. My ex's mom, sister and brother are still friends with me. His kid's used to be as well, but I eventually deleted them off FB because they asked me too many questions I didn't feel priviledged enough to answer.
@Miss. Meeps: sorry, I guess I didn't word it very well - I don't consider myself to be pesky (I mean, I never even contact the guy - we just see each other at group events!) but his wife seems to see me that way! :)
I was pesky ex when I was in college and for many months would continue to call the ex even though he was with someone.
Nope, I break up with men for a reason and don't need to make their new partners jealous to feel good about myself.
@daydreamwanderer: 1. Hooray for a spinoff! 2. Even though I do see my FI's ex as a pesky ex, I'd never kick her! That's insane!! 3. I'm not a pesky ex because I rarely talk to any of my exes. I only really have two. One was abusive, so I completely and totally cut all ties with him. The other broke my heart in college. When we broke up, we didn't speak for about a year. The last time we spoke, he texted me to tell me congratulations on my engagement. I texted back a thank you and asked how his family was. We texted for about 5 minutes just to basically make sure everyone in our families were still doing well, and that was that.
@tntrav44: Two sides to every coin though, right? I don't see myself or my behavior as pesky - we were both in the same group of friends for several years before dating (briefly), so why shouldn't I be allowed to see that group when I go home? It's just a shame because she seems so incredibly bothered by it. I'm actually surprised she still "lets" him come to group events when we're in town.
I think I am, but not through any fault of my own. The guy still obsesses over me. We have some mutual friends and are involved in mutual activities, so I still see him fairly regularly, but I really don't care much about him. I usually smile and ask how he's doing, but that's it. Then I go off and do my own thing. If he's still anything like he was when I was dating him, though, he's probably going home and crying to his current girlfriend about how much he misses me, then making her listen while he goes on about how I was the best he'll ever get. Real winner.
@daydreamwanderer: Oh yeah, I totally agree. It sounds like your situation is a little different than mine, too. My FI talks to other exes and I'm a-ok with it. He actually has one ex that when she comes to town, I ask him if we're going to see her. They only dated for a few months, and they were really good friends before and remained really good friends. I absolutely adore her. I think there are some women that just have a different idea about boundaries. Even within this post, there are so many different situations...some women don't speak to any exes, some are still friends, some only talk every once in a while, etc.
Try reading ‘I Hate His Ex’ by Alex Moore. I’ve just read it and it has really help me sort out loads of problems within my relationship. It is definitely worth a try!
@daydreamwanderer: I realize this is an old thread, but holy crap, what a nutbar! Kicking you? I probably would have loudly asked her to stop or loudly asked to switch places with someone who didn't mind being kicked under the table so that everyone could see what a bitch she was being.
I possibly could be seen as a pesky ex for one of my exs. My ex isn't dating anyone and we are still good friends so we talk regularly. Not sure what will happen when he has a girlfriend (it's very rare that he dates). I'd imagine we'd talk less often but I don't think we'd completely cut off contact
Not a pesky ex, but one of my best friends is a guy and I don't know how much his g/f likes us hanging out together (they are in a LDR), even though nothing is ever going to happen. My FI doesn't care that I hang out with him at all.
Nope! My only other serious relationship was right around 5 years -- we literally grew up together, dating from the time I was 15 until 20. Because of the way things ended -- not horribly but not great either -- most friends picked a side. Things are amicable now and I'll text a happy bday to him and his girlfriend/her kids, but that's about it.
ETA: Normally I wouldn't make contact with his girlfriend, obviously, but she was in our group of close friends so her and I had a relationship for quite some time.
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I am still fairly good friends with a guy I dated between high school and college. We'd been friends for a while before dating, and have a mutual group of friends still (which my husband has also been a part of since high school). We only dated for a few months and then both moved on, realizing it wasn't meant to be. We're both married now, and in no way interested in each other (at least not to my knowledge).
His wife, unfortunately, sees me as the Pesky Ex. We were out in a group once (8 people) and my husband and I were sitting across the table from them. I told a joke, he laughed at it, and she spent the next 45 minutes kicking me repeatedly under the table and glaring at me over it. I was so caught off guard by the situation that I didn't really know how to react, besides moving my legs in an attempt to get away from her. I had bruises the next day.
Another time we were hanging out with a group and she had a few too many drinks and made several comments about how she wasn't really her husband's "type" and how it really wasn't fair that I was still around, etc. It was very awkward, and I did my best to make it clear that I wasn't interested in her husband at all.
I feel for her, because I know what it is to have low self esteem and worry about stuff like that. But I can also see the other side of the coin - just because two people are still friends after dating, there's not necessarily anything going on!