(Closed) Spinoff – Bridal Party "Rearranging"

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I tried to respond and it didn’t work the first time! GRRR

I haven’t asked my bridal party to do any tasks at all.  If they can help with invitations, favor boxes, etc that’s awesome, but it’s my wedding to plan.

I’m even dealing with a rude/mean bridesmaid who I probably won’t be much of friends wit after this (there goes a 15 year friendship).  it’s not fighting over wedding stuff, just her being a b*tch in general.  i’m not even taking her out of the wedding party, just ignoring the negativity.

I think it’s hard for some brides to realize that their wedding isn’t as important to others as it is to us lol

Post # 5
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@DDG84:  I was once removed for a bridal party as MOH. I was working on my Master’s Thesis and did not have time to do stuff. She actually kicked like 3 other people out the party. We are still friends but at the time I was hurt.

I guess it depends on what your expectations are. It varies by bride. I’ve been a BM three times and each time I was assigned small odd jobs to assist the bride, such as trying to find shoes, jewelry, helping to assemble wedding favors and decorating. So if the Bride is expecting help and does not get it, I can see where the source of frustation comes from.

Post # 6
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have learned to let go of this bridal party situation a little bit.  I originally asked my very best friends to be up there with me.  They all said yes.  But they’re all in really different places in their life.  I highly doubt my wedding is high up on anyone’s priority list.  I started to get some anxiety that some wouldn’t even make it to the wedding…they weren’t sending me measurements to purchase their dress, weren’t responding to invites etc.

So, through the help of my therapist, I reached the conclusion that I deserve to have good friends up by my side.  Not all of my friends may come through.  Some I may not be friends with after the wedding and many not after 10-15 years.  So the wedding is a time to celebrate and start my life with my husband.  In some ways it can be a closing on old friendships that are no longer flourishing.

So anyway, I will buy the dresses and keep all the arrangements as they are, if they show or don’t there will be a spot for them…in my heart and by my side. 

Post # 7
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Okay… so on one hand, I haven’t asked my bridesmaids to do any “tasks” per say.. just things like: provide me a picture and a quote for website, bridesmaid dress appointment, and if theres something that involves them (like their preferences for shoes or accessories or anything that should be decided as a group, to be “involved” or, don’t complain) I also expected honesty and for them to be upfront with me if they weren’t interested or happy with whatever decisions, and that they come to me if any problems rather than scowl, lie, or make back handed comments. Basically, I asked them to be a friend.

That being said, I learned a lot about some of my so-called friends and unfortunately had to do some demotions/firing. One friend straight up lied to my face, and wasted 3 hours of my time waiting because she couldn’t be bothered to even text and let me know she couldn’t come (this was after a day where she claimed she couldn’t find the place we were meeting but had said she was 5 minutes away… and instead of calling to ask for directions, she texted me an hour later saying she was home.)
other things came out and it turned out she was just a big liar about a lot and i couldn’t trust her..

anyways it was a lot of stuff that came to the surface. My point is, while you should know your friends well enough to even consider making them part of the bridal party… weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people and you can sometimes get to see a side of them you haven’t seen before..

I wouldn’t say you should fire someone over petty things, but sometimes if they show they really don’t care about you or your wedding… then that says enough about your “friendship” to make the decision. you know?

Post # 8
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had some drama with adding people to the wedding, not subtracting…I just wanted a MOH, no bridesmaids. Then I foudn out that FSIL and in-laws were appalled that FSIL would not be in the wedding (should mention she was  17 year old girl I had hardly spoken to).  I basically avoided the topic for a few months after I found out because I didn’t know what to do.

Then my MOH decided to move across the country, and I suddenly realized how much work this was all going to be…..so I decided, well I can have a MOH, FSIL and there was one other girl I could picture being a BM.   It was basically because I realized I couldn’t do this alone and I needed some help that I added BMs to the wedding! they don’t have specific “tasks” and I’m not going to be offended that MOH can’t do much halfway across the country, and in fact FSIL is going to college a few hours away right now so may be a bit limited as well, but I know they will all be helpful and I need their help and support.

Post # 9
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I fully agree with you. It’s one thing entirely if you choose to end the friendship for other reasons and no longer want them as part of your day, but entirely different if you’re willing to throw away years of friendship because they didn’t want to spend hours being a part of your favour assembly line. They aren’t slaves and just as we expect them to be friends and be supportive to the best of their abilities, they expect us to not put our weddings above our friendships, and remember that they have lives with things going on and deserve to be supported in their lives too.

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