Spinoff: Disappointed by SO at other people's weddings?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What are your thoughts?
    My SO and I have a great time at weddings! We never get too cray-cray. : (38 votes)
    38 %
    My SO and I have a great time at weddings! We both get trashed and go wild! Free booze!!! : (11 votes)
    11 %
    A few times, my SO has embarrassed/disappointed me at weddings. (Share!) : (13 votes)
    13 %
    You're getting bent out of shape over nothing. What's the big deal? : (21 votes)
    21 %
    Sounds like you need to drink more at weddings. : (14 votes)
    14 %
    My SO has done WAY worse things at weddings/social events. Yours is tame. : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Ugh, obnoxious drunk is difficult to deal with. I think with your husband though he felt like it was OK to get obnoxious because he knew the couple well. I would have been disturbed by him giving a BM a lapdance and the lack of honest in regards to the bachelor party, did you tell him that this was something he should be honest about?

    I’m sorry you’re so upset, you do have good reason to be. But I think when it’s weddings you are invited to and he’s a guest, he’ll behave much more appropriately.

    Post # 4
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @confettiegg2000:  Is it only at weddings where this happens, or any event with alcohol? Does he do it at home, or just socially? I don’t think you’re being unreasonable if he actually has a drinking problem (or perhaps the start of one). Plus you have expressed your concern to him and he hasn’t done anything to change his behaviour. That would also be a problem for me as I refuse to come second to anyone in my FI’s eyes. Our relationship should always be the priority.

    I’m not making excuses, but a lot of Eastern European folks like to drink and party (FI and I are Russian). However, we stick out at events because we are both on the same page about alcohol indulgence and we hardly drink. My brothers? Ridiculous, stupid antics, especially when they are all together. I would never marry anyone like that. Ugh. I think it’s important to have similar values and ideas about things like this or else resentment and disappointment can happen.

    Post # 6
    5968 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    @confettiegg2000:  Im sorry this is bothering you but to be honest, neither of the things you described sound like things that you should be holding on to like you are. It sounds to me like he had a great time at these weddings. It also sounds to me like some of what you are  upset about is your own doing. You chose not to dance and enjoy the dance party while he was enjoying the cigar bar. You could have enjoyed the dancing and other guests company while he was off doing something you obviously don’t enjoy. I guess I don’t understand any of this because I don’t need my FI to do something like dance, it also doesn’t bother me if he acts silly if he drinks. I am also the kind of person that just does my own thing at weddings. Sometimes FI is with me and sometimes he’s off enjoying some time with the men he knows at the wedding. We enjoy the events as a couple and as an individual. So maybe im a bad person to give advice here since all of what you described sounds pretty harmless to me. the lap dance thing couldn’t have been all that bad considering this was at a wedding in front of all of the guests and was in good fun rather than for any kind of actual sexual reason. As for it being bad planning to have the cigar bar open while the dancing was going on, I think thats actually a perfect time. Guests can choose which activity they would like to enjoy and the “entertainment” part of the evening is happening all at once. Not everyone is a dancer, and not everyone is a cigar smoker.

    Bottom line? If you have talked about it all and figured out ways to handle it from  here on out, let it go.

    Post # 7
    8282 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I will never forget the time I went to a wedding as a guest to the best man, and he had gotten so drunk he messed up his whole speech and made a complete ass out of himself….

    Luckily my husband isn’t even close to that… We’ve only been to 1 wedding together (besides our own) and we both had like 2 drinks and were perfectly fine… He doesn’t get wasted, thank goodness.

    Post # 8
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Meh the bachelor party thing would have bothered me, not the bride and garter thing because honestly I had a lot of sober immature men at my wedding that did that for my garter dance off, so I wouldn’t be bothered, but that is just me.

    My DH and his groomsmen, all in rented suits, laid on the floor during “Wipe Out” and ‘surfed.’ My DH was sober I might add.

    I think you need to loosen up a bit. He is just having fun. However, if you feel his drinking gets out of hand then it is time for a talk. If you really feel that these are tough things to deal with then possibly a conversation is in order.

    Post # 9
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My husband has also gotten drunk and acted a fool at weddings in the past.  So when his brother got married last year I got drunk and acted a fool.  Mature?  No.  Effective?  Yes.  🙂

    Post # 11
    3806 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @confettiegg2000:  Sounds to me like this is who you married. Let him have fun. And what’s the problem with guys keeping a couple of innocent things between the guys? My dad and my FI went to the movies about a week ago and they keep saying “Oh we can’t tell them what we did after that!” I’m sure it was something stupid like eating something unhealthy but I don’t care. I don’t need to know… they are getting some enjoyment out of having something that only they know about and I’ll let them have that. 

    As for getting drunk and dancing crazy, well it’s not like he’s feeling anyone up or trying to make out with him. He’s literally giving a little life to the party. I think you’re disappointed because each time you expect something different in your head but keep getting the same result…because that is who you married. I’m jus sayin… get over it or ask him to change…but we all know that asking someone to change after getting married isn’t actually the right thing to do…right?

    Post # 12
    5905 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @confettiegg2000:  So your husband is one of those guys that has too much punch and is the life of the party….that is not a bad thing! 

    I think counting on someone else’s wedding as a “date night” is kind of like expecting pheasant under glass at the McDonald’s drive thru….its a party where you get to see a lot of people you may not spend time with very often, catch up with old friends and have fun, not sit around and coo over your own wife….

    Drinking, dancing like no one is watching and generally making an ass of yourself is a great way to spend the night, as long as no one gets hurt or destroys the cake…its all good.

    Post # 13
    5968 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    @Nona99:  I don’t like you much, mostly because you say what Im thinking in a much nicer, better sounding way. 😛

    Post # 14
    8498 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We both drink at weddings, though I drink more than him.  I’ve gotten pretty sloshed at some weddings but I’ve still never done anything horribly stupid or embarrasing.  I just dance and have a good ole time.

    I don’t mind some drunken behavior as long as you aren’t a jerk or rude or ruining other people’s nights!  It doesn’t sound like he did anything too awful to me (sounds more like just some embarrasing dance moves Smile)

    Post # 15
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d be ticked he lied about the strip club, though I know alot of ladies here claim they wouldn’t be. If he was going to go, he should have been upfront.

    I can completely see my BF doing some tame lapdance antic sober, to be honest. He’s a really good dancer and loves to make people laugh, so that would have been a pretty par-for-the-course reaction to being put in front of everyone after having caught the garter.

    I agree with others who say it sounds like he’s just a clown. I wouldn’t think too hard about it.

    Post # 16
    2912 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I don’t think he is doing anything wrong, it sounds like he is having fun. Nobody wants to be married to a ball and chain.

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