Spinoff: Do you spend time with your DH/FI/SO's friends?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you spend time with your DH/FI/SO's friends?
    Every time he sees them! : (8 votes)
    8 %
    More often than not : (42 votes)
    43 %
    Every once in awhile : (24 votes)
    25 %
    Never - we keep completely separate friends : (8 votes)
    8 %
    We have the same group of friends, so it's never a problem! : (13 votes)
    13 %
    Other - please explain : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    2151 posts
    Buzzing bee

    damarajade:  To be honest “our” friends are mostly “my” friends. My guy works full-time, and is in school full-time, plus he’s even more introverted than I am. Since we’ve been together 6 years now, my friends have really become his friends. So, when it’s something big like a party or doube date type thing- we go together. But, I hang out with my friends without him a lot too. I’m also introverted, but not quite as extreme as he is. I need more social interaction than he does, so the idea of him going out with friends without me is pretty funny 🙂 Of course he doesn’t care if I do, so I wouldn’t care if he wanted to. But, I do think it’s strange when couples need lots and lots of time away from each other, we’re pretty much a package deal. 

    Post # 3
    2250 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    More often than not, we hang out together we each other’s friends.  There’s of course the occasional guys/girls night which neither of us hesitate to participate in without the other.  I [obviously] love hanging out with my husband & I actually like most of his friends too so it works out!  As far as my friends, it’s mostly group dates or going out for drinks so not too painful for my husband & everyone likes him so it’s a win-win.

    Post # 4
    185 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

    I’d say rarely. He’s friends with my friends, but very few of his friends speak English, which is all I speak and FI isn’t a native English speaker. I’ve seen them a few times, but I don’t really count it since we can barely communicate.

    Post # 5
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    We have the same group of friends, that’s how we met, so in our situation there is no “his friends” or “my friends”. It’s just “our friends”. 

    Post # 6
    851 posts
    Busy bee

    He’s friends with most of my friends, but I don’t care for a lot of his friends. So when they hang out I tend to stay home.

    Post # 7
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    damarajade:  Yes and no. Yes, because we share my friends. No, because we don’t share his friends.

    My friends have incorporated him into our circle. Both my BFF’s husbands have become really good friends with him. They hang out independantly of us. Text each other, etc. We all hang out and it’s a good time. They have always made him feel comfortable, and accepted him. They really like him. My group of friends does things together, goes on outings, out to dinner, on vacation together, etc.

    HIS group NEVER made an effort to include me or make me feel accepted. I always felt like an outsider, and actually felt like they were going out of their way to make me feel like I wasn’t part of the group. The wives were very exclusive and I was never invited to hang out if it wasn’t a group event. I would see them at social events that both he and I were invited to. They don’t “do” things together, just stand around and drink and smoke cigs and reminisce. Not my thing at all, and I don’t have anything to reminisce about with them. Just very awkward overall for me, and I didn’t like hanging out with them.

    All of it came to head a couple of years ago, where one of the wives flat out lied to me and put me in a VERY awkward and uncomfortable position. I called her out on it (because I am NOT one to sit there and take it), and pretty much resulted in the wives deciding I was too “prissy” and “princessy” for them to hang out with – defriend me on fb. He thinks I should just get over it and move on from it. I’ve told him I’m done with it.I tried and I’m not going to beg to be their friends, the only reason I care, is because of him.

    Post # 8
    5195 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    We share with each other’s friends more often than not.  I feel that is an important part of a relationship and even though we moved far away from our longtime friends, we keep in touch and always share with each other what’s going on with our respective friends. Our new friends are mostly the same, since we met them together.

    Post # 9
    5793 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It depends on the situation. Most of his friends don’t live around here but when they come visit, we do some things together and some things, they go do on their own. I’ve even hung out with his friends without him (like if they wanted to go sightseeing and he couldn’t get off work) and he’s hung out with “my” friends without me. We are not some weird joined-at-the-hip mashup of two people so we don’t “have” to do everything together, but we do genuinely enjoy all the people in both social circles, so we tend to do a lot of stuff with our friends together.

    Post # 10
    339 posts
    Helper bee

    MangoSong:  This is pretty much us as well.

    Of course, I suck it up and hang out with them, but I never really want to go.  I go because I know he wants me there.

    Post # 11
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water

    I don’t hang out with his friends at all (well not at this time, anyway).  First, my FH travels like crazy for his job.  When he is home we try to get as much “us” time as possible.  Second, when he goes to hang out with his friends it is usually to go bike riding and I don’t ride.  On the whole we know of each other’s pals but we pretty much keep our friends separate.  I suppose when we settle in and his schedule calms down his friends and mine will be at the house and that’s when the hanging out will begin.  

    Post # 12
    6671 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Now that we are older and all married with kids we tend to all hang out as families. We do have nights that are just guy nights or girls nights, but less often.

    Post # 13
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    damarajade:  A certain group of his friends have also become my friends – we usually have a games night once a week. His other friends I don’t really hang out with much because I feel awkward around them.

    Post # 14
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    He tends to hang out with his friends and I with mine.  He mostly meets his guys for drinks after work and they talk politics and sports, which I have no interest in.  Besides – he’s with me all the time and he needs some time with the guys!  I also tend to meet my friends alone for brunch, etc.  I think it’s weird when people have no social life outside of their SO.

    That being said, we DO hang out as a couple with other couples, his friends and my friends.  So whereas he might meet his buddy Steve for drinks alone, if we plan to go out to dinner or play cards, we’d go with Steve and his girlfriend.  

    Post # 15
    6453 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Some of his local friends in the area are still single. One of FI’s hobbies is craft beer, and I don’t drink that much. As a result, he hang out with his friends on his own most of the time, but if it’s a party or a couples thing, I’m happy to come along. 

    A lot of my friends are also still single. There’s one couple where FI has sort of become friends with her husband, so that’s nice. Even though I miss FI a little when he’s away, I understand we both need time to do other things away from each other sometimes. 

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