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So I'm sure some of you have heard about the disappearance and search for Baby Lisa (we had a thread about it here on WB right after it happened). Lately, the mom has been highly critisized for consuming (quite a bit) of wine the evening of her daughter's disappearance.
In this MSNBC piece (http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/10/18/8384251-is-drinking-on-the-mommy-job-a-no-no), the author explores whether is it okay for a parent to "drink on the job". The experts that were interviewed said that it was not acceptable for a mother to have more than one drink (aka a single glass of wine) if the children are home and that is is innappropriate to drink at all if you are the only parent home, even after the kids have gone to bed.
I don't know that I agree with these thoughts. Of course, parents shouldn't be getting wasted while they are responsible for watching their kids. But I see nothing wrong with having a couple glasses of wine with your husband or enjoying a couple beers during a football game. Those amounts of alcohol aren't going to prevent someone for being able to take good care of their child.
What do you think? Is "drinking on the job" okay for parents? Is it only acceptable once the kids have gone to bed for the night or is it okay at any time?
I think the amount you can drink while on the job is all relative to your tolerance. I would not be comfortable being buzzed if I was the only one home with my children. You just never know what can happen and you want to be able to handle anything that comes up. If my husband and I were both home we would probably decide which one of us will stay sober (aka just have one for me or two for him) just like we do whenever we are drinking away from the house and one of us needs to drive home.
Growing up, my mom always had a glass of wine with dinner and my father rarely drank at all. I think it all depends. I'm with you guys, I wouldn't want to be wasted in front of my children, or while watching them. That to me is dangerous.
I think it's okay, within reason. I've had a glass of wine after my kids went to bed for the night. Every person's tolerance is different, but in general I don't think such small amounts are a danger.
On a side note, she must be tearing herself to pieces for drinking that night. Poor woman.
ETA I wasn't aware she drank until she blacked-out! That is most definitely not "okay" with children in your care. I wait to have a glass of wine, which is rare, until Dh is home. If there's an emergency, I want to be safe to drive.
As a mother myself, I rarely drink. My fiance has a few drinks after work some nights, and I usually have a tea. Every few weeks I will have a glass of wine with him, even if my son is still awake. I never get drunk though.
On thanksgiving, I drank about half a bottle of red wine to myself ( 3 glasses), with family members. My son was present.This was over a period of about 6 hours. I didn't get drunk, and I definitely know when enough is enough.
On the nights my fiance and I " go out drinking",( which has been only a handful of times) we always have an overnight babysitter, to take care of him throughout the night, even for when we get home.
I would never drink to black out while having my son in my care, in fact I try to avoid that much drinking regardless, because for me ( and probably for most) it is unhealthy. Also, I had a very bad experience drinking too much a couple years ago at a christmas party. And that memory (or lack thereof) still haunts me, and my son was not present, in fact he was in another city with his grandparents at the time.
Overall I think it's okay to have a drink, or a couple sparingly, while taking care of your children, but absolutely not okay to be drunk.
A glass or 2 of wine or a couple beers is one thing, but I thought I heard on the news that she had 5 glasses of wine and possibly blacked out? Obviously, that is way crossing the line.
I had the news on as I was getting ready this morning so maybe I misunderstood.
I think there's a line you don't cross while being in front of your children. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a few glasses of wine with dinner every now and then. If you're falling down & slurring, NOT okay.
I don't mind drinking around children, but I think there should always be someone sober enough to drive the children to the emergency room were something crazy to happen.
@Bostongrl25: No - my understanding of Lisa's mother's drinking that night is what you described.
This thread was more spawned from the MSNBC article and the comments from the experts they interviewed regarding what amount of drinking (or lack there of) was okay for a parent.
A few drinks are fine... being drunk is not. I don't drink at all if my FI is having anymore than 1 beer and he won't drink anything if I have a glass of wine when my son is home.
@Mrs.KMM: I agree with you. I haven't read the article, but the idea that parents should never drink, or nothing more than a glass, is absurd. Of course, as with many things, this varies based on the person: If someone has a very low tolerance and is sloshed after one drink, 2 drinks would not be advisable. But for the majority of people, more than a drink does not equal drunk, and certainly isn't dispositive evidence of bad parenting!
While my kids were little, I BARELY drank, BUT if I did it was my night out, meaning grammy is watching them overnight. Other than that maybe at a picnic or special event. Other than that, nope!
I agree with you. I dont think there is anything wrong with having a few drinks with your children around. Not everyone who drinks is irresponsible with it. I have 2 kids, and I see no issue with having wine or a cocktail with dinner(or anytime, really). As long as you aren't getting trashed what's the problem? I can function perfectly fine after 1 or 2 drinks. At all my family gatherings(bday parties, holidays,cookouts, etc) there is always alcohol, and always children. Thankfully we are all responsible adults, and are smart enough to know what we can handle. Just because you have a drink doesn't mean you are getting drunk.
I agree that a glass of wine or two or a pair of beers isn't going to end the world, provided the person doing the drinking has the mass to not be buzzed or worse after consumption. I believe the issue that should have been discussed, rather than Lisa's mom's drinking, is her lack of responsibility and maturity. Alcohol isn't to blame. It's the people who choose to not consume it wisely. :)
I don't think parents should drink while watching kids. Or smoke. You have to be on top of things and clear headed.
My mom never drank around us and I am very glad. IMO it is really serious and I think drugs and alcohol have no place around children.
I voted that, for myself, drinking with a kid is not ok. I've hardly drank since having my daughter. Maybe 5 times in the last 1.5 years, I've had a beer or a cocktail. I'm a real lightweight, so even one cocktail is enough to get me buzzed for a couple hours and there is nothing suckier than waking up an hour after going to bed because the baby is crying and you're still buzzed. My husband drinks, once in a while, though, and I don't have any issues with that. I'm always sober, so it's no big deal, and he rarely drinks enough to even get buzzed.
I would draw the line before getting a buzz and certainly before being drunk. For most people, I'm sure that falls within the 1-3 drinks. As long as parents are responsible, can drive, and handle emergencies, then I think they are fine.
I agree with most of the pps. A "few" drinks is okay, but to the point of getting falling down drunk and/or passing out is NOT. It's all about knowing limits.
Well, I voted for the first answer, since there wasn't anything between it and the second, so I wouldn't say you can drink excessive amounts at any time of the day or night, but I think you can drink a bit with dinner, even a couple after...BUT if you're the only parent home, then you should probably at least stay sober enough to be able to drive a kid (or someone) to the hospital or whatever if necessary. (I guess I've never really had to think about this before!)
@Boston Bee: and @joy2011: While the "always being able to drive in case of an emergency" argument makes some sense, I still don't even agree with that. Because by that logic, NO ONE should ever drink to where their BAC is above the legal limit.
Single woman living alone? Can't drink a few glasses of wine while cooking/eating dinner because they wouldn't be able to drive themselves to the hospital if needed.
Husband and wife with no kids? Can't have a nice stay-at-home date that involves a few drinks because one of the two might have a medical emergency.
It just isn't reasonable, IMO. If a medical emergency happens and you happen to have had an extra drink or so that evening, you call your neighbors or 911 to help with the transport to the hospital.
I think it is OK, yes. Because, if that is their 'theory', then you would never be able to drink. You are always a parent, whether your kids are home, or not. It could be said, potentially, that even if the child/children were at a baby sitters, and something happened to them there, you would still need/want to handle the situation, etc.
However, I come from a home where my parents were always hosting, or we were at someone elses house while they enjoyed their adult beveragest, etc. There would always be someone around who maintained control though.
I am not saying 'get hammered every night', but I would be damned if someone judged me for enjoying a glass of wine, or two, etc after a long day at the most difficult job in the world!!
I voted other. I think drinking IN MODERATION is okay. Her mom got wasted and blacked out. Not okay. I would never, ever get drunk when I was the only adult around and had children in my care, no matter if they were asleep or not. That's just plain irresponsible. Having a glass of wine or a beer or a cocktail is totally different than gettind drunk.
I voted other because it really depends on a lot of factors. I think you are right it is ok to have one or two beers or glasses of wine but I almost never drank when my son was little, worried that if god forbid anything were to happen that I would be 100%. Now that he is 12, i find it more acceptable to have that one drink or two rather than when he was 1 or 2 and kids need their mom more. But if you had someone there who wasn't drinking who agreed to care for your kid ( that's what I would do IF i wanted to drink) then by all means, you are being responsible. No judging here ladies I NEED me that glass of red wine sometimes!
@Mrs.KMM: I see your point. But there can be other steps required in an emergency situation outside of dialing 911 or driving. With another adult, they are able to decide for themselves the consequences of their choice, with a child in my care, my first responsibility is to them.
@zippylef: Completely agree.
I have had a glass of wine and my husband a few beer after our son goes to bed. But I am also not a big drinker so one is enough for me. I also know myself - and I get buzzed very easily, so I would never even have a drink if I was home alone with my son - also because we are usually outside doing stuff or playing.
I can't imagine being drunk while watching my 3 year old - I already have to be a like a hawk - he gets into absolutely everything.
I voted for the first answer. The reason I feel this way is that I grew up in a strictly Southern Baptist household. No alcohol at all unless it was used to make that awful cough syrup my dad would cook up (and then the bottle came from the preacher....lol). I feel that when children grow up in an environment where alcohol is demonized then they don't learn to be responsible with it. They will initially go one of two ways: either they won't drink at all or they will drink excessively the first chance they get.
I went the second way. Luckily in my older (wiser?) state I've learned that blacking out/not being in control/being hungover sucks. I still like a mixed drink or glass of wine every now and then but it's very rarely more than one or two drinks at a time.
I think that if kids are given an example of how to be responsible with alcohol, i.e. a glass of wine with dinner, or a few beers on the weekend, then the mystery won't seem so great when they get to an age where they will be pressured to binge drink.
I'll have a glass of red wine with dinner, or a drink on girl's nights. Does having a drink in any way shape or form impair my ability to tend to my child at a moment's notice? Absolutely not. That's why I limit it to one, which I've found is my comfortable limit. It's a nice way to unwind without getting buzzed or anywhere near tipsy. Plus most of the time my husband is here anyway and he doesn't drink.
@Sugaree: Yes! Thank you for breaking that down as well - I completely agree.
I see nothing wrong with having a drink (or a couple) while being home with the kids. My parents would have a beer while watching TV with us. I distinctly remember my dad watching Simpsons with us while drinking his Rolling Rock. And a glass of wine or beer with dinner too. As long as you are drinking in moderation, being responsible and not getting drunk then I dont have an issue with it.
Totally agree with you. I see nothing wrong with drinking around kids. But getting wasted and blacking out???!!! No. Honestly I question anyone who is doing that at home period. I can't imagine just sitting on my couch and drinking until I blacked out, much less with children in the house. Seems insane to me.
I think it is okay to have a drink or two. My personal conviction is that I must be able to parent on a normal level. My girls have never been exposed to drunk people and I certainly don't want their first experience to be their own mom or dad. I think that would be incredibly scarry.
I think having a drink at dinner is fine or for a major holiday/sporting event. Parents shouldn't drink excessively. My fiance and I have already discussed that we plan on not having alcohol in our household. I don't drink and my fiance drinks maybe once a month so it's not something that is too important to us to give up.
i agree with most of you all that a drink or two with a meal is no big deal, as long as you are aware of your tolerance and don't drink past a certain level. there's a big difference between drinking at all and being drunk. my parents drank wine with dinner regularly when i was growing up but i can count the times that eiither of them were drunk on one hand. similarly, i often have a glass of wine or beer with dinner but rarely drink enough to get tipsy
I say as long as you are able to take care of your kids then your ok! But getting drunk and/or Blacking out is not at all ok. I couldnt imagine the guilt if I drank to the point of blacking out and something happened to one of my little girls.
Drinking within your limits is fine to me. I obviously wouldn't get falling down/blacking out drunk when there were minor children in my care, but a few drinks is not a big deal to me. This stands whether the kids are sleeping or not.
If the children needed to go to the hospital and I couldn't drive, I would either call a taxi or an ambulance, depending on severity.
ETA: I actually would usually not drive someone to the hospital even if I hadn't been drinking. That usually means there is an emergency situation, and driving while very distracted can be quite dangerous.
I literally cannot remember a time when my Dad didn't watch the Steelers game with a beer or two and me sitting next to him (if we weren't already at the BAR devoted to Steelers fans lol). I grew up with a very responsible, moderate amount of drinking in my household and I think that's it's totally fine for a parent to have a few drinks with their kids around.
FI's Mom/stepdad were and are alcoholics, so it's been a point of contention for us. Alcohol was never taboo in my house...it was a grownup drink that I wasn't allowed to have, and even the grownups weren't allowed to have too much of it. I think as long as it's treated responsibly, it's fine.
I agree with Angelz_love . It does make a difference in the age of the child. When it was just my 8 year old, a couple glasses of wine was no big deal- beacuse she is very self sufficient. Now that I have a new baby, I think I drink much less because I need to be alert for her. One is ok, but probably my limit at this point.
As others have said, there's a big difference between drinking in moderation (one or two drinks) and drinking-drinking (with the intention of getting buzzed/drunk). You should never be in an altered state if you are responsible for children, even if they are sleeping, in my opinion. But that doesn't mean you can't have a couple beers.
I'm not from a family who ever drinks but IMO if you're drinking enough that it would impare your driving then it's too much while you are responsible for children.
If there was ever an emergency where you needed to take your child/ren to the emergency room the idea of having to deal with being even "buzzed" is just not acceptable.
Personally I dont drink alcohol at all, so that might affect my views. Think of it this way, would you want your babysitter to have some drinks while taking care of your baby or kid? I personally wouldnt want that. so I think the same standard should I apply to the parents.
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