- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Good morning Bees!
Seeing some threads on wedding RSVP problems this morning has prompted me to share one way we chose to look at our engagement party. I know some here might not agree with our point of view, but regardless, here is what we did:
We hosted an open house-style engagement party, because there were lots and lots of people we wanted to invite. Doing it at our house was easier than trying to find restaurant space to hold us all, and cheaper too. We hired a good friend to do some delicious catering for us, and really, it was an awesome time.
We had already begun working on the wedding guest list at this time, so we paid attention. We had a few people RSVP “Yes” to our engagement party, and then they completely no-showed us. I think altogether it was about 6, maybe 8 people. (Not counting the 2 – cousin and her husband – who had to take their little one to the ER – no problem there, obviously.)
Anyway, when it came time to settle the wedding guest list, a few of those who just decided not to show up (and not call before or even after to offer an apology/explanation) did not end up being invited to the wedding. Some might say this is wrong, but we looked at it as, “If dropping by our open house, after you RSVPd (and we planned and paid for catering remember) was just too much effort for you, chances are, coming to the wedding will be just too much.” It wasn’t even really snarky, but just a realization that hey, some people are just wishy-washy like that, and we don’t want to put out the money AGAIN (and space) for people who will say yes and then blow us off.
One “yes” to the e-party was actually at his house, which is literally just up the street from ours. Rather than come to the party, he posted on facebook, “Anyone wanna hang out?” I posted a reply, “You’re supposed to be at our engagement party. Are you still coming?” He never replied, never called/texted/emailed to apologize, nothing. Rude.
So Bees, I guess I’m sharing this to encourage you to look carefully at the people in your lives, and make your decisions as best you can. The people who are notoriously flakey aren’t going to be suddenly super-responsible because it’s your wedding. If you can save yourself some stress and heartache, go for it. There are always those few you “have to” invite, but if you can make good choices for the ones you aren’t obligated about, you might come out better for it.