(Closed) Spinoff: For those Bees who didn't live together before marriage…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@LindyLu:  In the same boat as you, and interested in knowing what other BEEs have to say about this topic. 

Post # 4
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I did live together before I married Darling Husband, but I’ll talk about my experience when we first moved in together. Darling Husband and I are both quite stubborn people, so we butted heads a lot. We were fighting like cats and dogs over household chores until we found a happy medium and suddenly all the fighting ceased. It was definitely an adjustment having to have someone around you all the time, but I never had the “omg I wish I was living alone!” thoughts … just the “I WISH WE’D STOP FIGHTING!” thoughts and we did.

I think the major adjustment is accepting that the other person handles things differently and working around it. For example: Darling Husband throws his clothes all over his side of the bedroom, which I absolutely can’t stand and we used to fight about this like crazy, but the way I deal with it now is yell that I’m doing laundry and anything that isn’t already in the basket or washer isn’t going to get washed for another week. Magically, his side of the bed is clear lol.

it’s working together to get around these things and making each other happy in the process. He gets clean clothes, I get a clean his side of the bedroom twice a week XD

Post # 5
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

We didn’t live together. it was an adjustment but on top of that i got really sick 3 weeks after our honeymoon (and was sick for a while…) the meds affected my moods as well. But my main piece of advice? when he tries to help out (in the kitchen or cleaning) but doesn’t do it the way YOU would do it… don’t stop him because he will never do it again lol i have taken to saying “you know i find that when i do xyz and do it this way its easier/ faster etc…. I am very lucky that my husband is neat and cleans and im not the only one who will dust and vacuum. The only thing he doesn’t do is the bath room… lol

i loved living on my own but now that we’re together i can’t spend a night with out him. he went away over night to play golf with some buddies and i was so lonely!

Post # 6
8473 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It certainly was an adjustment, but not a bad one..  This is because I stayed there every weekend, and since I’m off all summer, I stayed there a number of nights at a time.  During that time, the little things didn’t bother me at all, like him not closing his dresser drawers all the way or finishing putting pictures on the wall…

Once I moved in, I begged that he’d try to be a little neater with the dresser… and I’d mention the rest of the little things that bothered me… And it works.. Smile

The first month was the roughest though.. I kept saying to myself that I wanted to just go home, but I was home.. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Post # 7
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We didn’t live together. I was really anxious because I’ve lived on my own for awhile. And were long distance until shortly before the wedding. My husband is not the type who requires or wants a lot of space, so I was afraid I’d feel kind of smothered, like I’d never have moments to myself. I was anxious about silly things, like having personal space in the bathroom. 

I can honestly say it has been amazing! We never argue over silly, ridiculous things like cleaning. I don’t miss my personal space at all! We’re currently living in basically one room too, while my husband is tearing our house down to the studs to remodel it. We’ve never been happier. There was virtually no adjustment period.

My advice is to not look at it like a partnership. Marriage is not about sharing equally (50:50) but about each person giving 100%. 

Post # 8
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Darling Husband moved in six months before the wedding (I know, I know, not quite what you’re after) and it wasn’t much of an adjustment for us, even though we’d been largely LDR for the previous two years. We spent a lot of time in college together sharing some of the normal chores like making dinner, doing dishes, laundry, grocery shopping – so we were already pretty familiar with each others’ habits. 

There were a couple little things like him not doing the dishes the same way I did or not liking the way I cooked green beans (lol!) and it was really helpful for me to think “ok, he’s here, we’re finally living together and I get to see him every day. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives – do I really want to fight about dishes every day or do I want to find a way to do what works for both of us – not just me?” 

Post # 9
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We didn’t live together before we got married. We’re at 2 months tomorrow and living together is sooooo easy. The only downfall I can think of, is Darling Husband is super picky when it comes to picking out furniture and decorating, but…he works in architecture/design. We have total opposite styles, but we split up the rooms in the house so we both get what we like, but we found a way to make them coordinate.

Post # 10
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We only moved in together about a month after we got married. It’s been fine. We were semi-LDR before (worked in different cities and only saw each other in the weekends) so getting to see each other every day is lovely. There have been a couple of wrinkles — moving has been stressful and I’ve had to deal with most of the issues with the new place as he’s moving to my city — but the issues have not even come close to dampening newlywed bliss. 🙂

Post # 11
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We moved in the day we got married and I’m glad to say that we’re doing just fine! It was so nice to be able to come home to each other. 🙂 being married is awesome!

Prior to your wedding, talk about some expectations: who will do what, and how often? For example, i cook most of the time but my husband does the dishes. We clean together about once a week – he vacuums/dusts while I clean the bathroom, tidy up the house etc.

But most of the time, if there is a chore that needs to be done, whoever has time for it will just do it. And when things bother you, speak up so that it doesn’t build and explode one random day, turning into a fight.

Post # 12
16216 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You know for us, it really wasn’t a huge adjustment. We’d been together for 6+ years before we got married and already knew each other’s lifestyle habits and communication styles, etc really well. We didn’t fight…we just enjoyed finally getting to come home to each other and having our “home” be the same place. 🙂 Don’t worry too much, hun, and get ready to enjoy that newlywed bliss!

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