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So the other thread got me to thinking (no, I didn't hurt myself, ha!). It seems that the general consensus amongst ladies who don't "get" waiting, or never had to, is that they got engaged within 3 years of dating. (That's just my general observation, and an average if you will, over the course of my time here on WB. I'm sure it varies) I never considered myself to be waiting until the 3 year mark of dating. (In fact, I never even knew there was such a thing, and thought I was nuts until I googled 'why hasn't he proposed yet', and it brought me here) It's been 4 and a half, and here I still am. 
I'm just curious as to if there's a correlation between the timeline of getting engaged, and not understanding waiting? Because, well, you didn't have to. I'm also betting age is a factor as well. Fwiw, we're both in our early 30s.
So, I'll ask you all who never "waited"; how long were you together before your SO proposed or considered yourself engaged? Also, how old are/were you at the time?
I'm positive my age had everything to do with never "waiting" I was 25 and we had been dating just shy of 3 yrs. He's also 7.5 yrs older than me so i was never concerned about him being ready.
ETA - I think if he hadn't proposed when he did I would have started getting antsy.
Thank you for this thread!
To me, I never considered myself waiting. There was never a point in our relationship where I thought man I wish he would propose already!
I guess we were always on the same page? But that being said, we were together 9 years before getting engaged. But that was something we decided on together. My family was initially against us dating and it was really important to the both of us that both families be there the day of. Not only be there but genuinely happy for us on the day of. Let me tell you I would not redo it any other way. On the day of, we could just feel the love, happiness and support surrounding us. My brother who was initially the most against us gave me away and was probably more excited than I was! And close to tears giving me away.
The day was just perfect and we would have waited even longer than 9 years to have that on our wedding day.
ETA:I guess I should answer your questions! I was 27 and him 30. We were together for almost 9 years. Never really "waited" for above reasons.
Very interesting! Now that you point it out i totally can see the timeline thing.
I never considered myself waiting for exactly those reasons. I was 23 (he was 29) when he proposed and we had been dating for approx. 2 years.
ETA: I guess another part that made me never worry about it was that he told me within a couple months of us dating that he knew he would marry me. So I just let it go it's course and he proposed when he was ready!
VERY interesting! I didn't get to that "waiting" stage, and FI proposed at the 2 year 8 month mark, when I was 21 (2 months short turning 22).
When I first joined the boards, I was pretty surprised on the amount of ladies on the "waiting" boards and it stumped me why so many were getting angry or upset about their SO's not proposing at a specified time. I thought to myself, "simmer down, your time will come! why are you wasting your emotions on something you aren't in control of." I even talked about it with FI. All he said was, "You were never in that stage. You don't understand. There are some girls out there that have 5+ years with a guy before their proposed to!" DING! Of course. I'd probably feel the same way if I was "waiting" that long for a guy to propose!
I comend all those ladies that are in waiting for your strength to get through each day, on edge, hoping this will be the day. One day, it will be, and those days of waiting will fade away!
Edit: FI is 6 1/2 years older then me, so I never worried about him being ready, either. He was worried about ME not being ready. That may have sped things up as well...
I think you're probably right on both points. I was 20, he was 21, and we were together for about a year when he proposed.
We started dating when I was 20, got engaged when I was 23, and got married when I was 25. We had also known each other for about 10 years before we started dating. Most of our friends were actually surprised it took him that long, whereas I was surprised it happened that quickly! I still had 2 years left of college (hence the long engagement) so I would have been fine if we still weren't engaged when I was graduating. I guess it just didn't bother me because I knew it would happen eventually, we aren't having kids so we didn't have a timeline factor, and we had no problem moving along (buying a house, etc) the process before marriage
I was never in waiting. He proposed 6 months after we started dating and we're both in our mid-thirties.
We dated 2 years and 10 months before getting engaged. He only had me "waiting" a couple days after he accidentally left evidence of going to a jeweler lying around. Otherwise, I had planned on not expecting an engagement until we had been dating 4.5 years (I thought we should both finish our PhDs beforehand). We were 22 and 25 when we started dating.
Thanks for the feedback so far, ladies! My theory seems to be holding water......
Anyone else?
FI and I were together a little over a year when he proposed Christmas Eve. I guess you could say that I never got to the waiting stage, though I was hoping to get married eventually. I just figured it'd happen on it's own good time. I do admit that I was a bit shocked that it happened as early as it did. I would've expected after 2-3 years rather than 1.
FI just turned 27 three months prior to engagement and I was 23.
interesting thread! ill participate - we had been dating a little over a year and half - i was 24 he was 25 when we got engaged and when we got married, he turned 26 on our honeymoon :)
He proposed in July 2010 but that march i had signed us up for a scavenger hunt and the grand prize was a $20k engagment ring "hint hint!" so i was starting to get the itch prior to him proposing, if he waited much longer i might have found myself on the waiting boards too
We met online, were joined at the hip immediately, moved in together around 5 months, he proposed after 9 months, and we'll be married around the 1.5 year mark. He's 31 and was very up front when we started dating that he was looking for long-term and didn't want to play around.
it was the day before i turned 26. we had not been dating at all at the time actually... we were just friends when we decided to get married.
googled 'why hasn't he proposed
This is never a good idea. I did it once and was heart broken and almost gave up becuase my situation was "hopeless". I find that this type of search is as bad as searching WebMD only to come to the conclusion that what you first thought was a cold is really an untreatable condition.
Hang in there, I did "wait" for 4.5 years and now I'm actually planning a wedding.
We were 24 when he proposed (25 when married) and had been dating for 6 years at the time. We celebrated our 7 year anniversary on our honeymoon. I think I was in a similar situation to @regberadaisy, I think we were just on the same page. I think he asked when he knew we were both ready, especially since we had been together since high school.
We ARE kindred spirits!
I was thinking I was the only one who was never waiting even after 4+ years! :)
I was never "waiting". FI and I were together for 1 year when he proposed. I thought it would be one more year before he popped the question. I was 23 at the time he proposed, and he was 26.
I totally agree, we were engaged within 6 months of meeting each other - so we really didn't do any waiting. I think had my situation been different I would see "waiting" in a different way. But, I also don't have many (any?) friends who were in a waiting situation. I have friends who have been in relationships for more than 3 years - but they're not "marriage hungry". They are more of the take your time type, so they're not in a rush (though, they did just get engaged!). I only knew one friend who after the 3 year mark became impatient.
I knew I wanted to marry FI shortly after we started dating, and he told me he felt the same way, but I was 17 at the time :P He proposed, somewhat unexpectedly, two weeks before my 20th birthday. He just turned 23 and I'll be 21 when we get married, and we were dating for a bit over 2 years at the time. I think the fact that we're young and knew we were on the same page prevented me from thinking about it too much. I did want to be married young though, so I'm glad my personal timeline worked itself out :)
We had been dating about 8 months. I wasn't waiting at all (until I knew he had the ring!) He was kind of more eager to get engaged than I was. We were (are) in our mid/late 20s, and weren't sleeping together before we were married. I have no doubts that that speeds it up.
I was never really 'waiting' either. About 6 months in we had already started (jokingly) talking about wedding dates. We started dating just before we turned 18, and he proposed right before our 3rd anniversary. I knew we wouldn't get married until after college, but we discussed that we would be engaged probably our junior year to allow time to plan.
He proposed spring semester of our junior year, and we had picked out the ring at that Christmas, so I knew it was coming.
So, dating just before 18, engaged right before 21, and married at 23.
OP - I know you had that great analogy of reading a book as 'waiting'. I guess for DH and I, we were always on the same sentence!
You're right. At 3 years we moved in together and then I started thinking about how we should get married. You also have to take college into consideration. We started dating in grad school and we wanted to get out in the job market and stabilize before we started thinking about marriage. So sometimes people will be together for YEARS and not be waiting because they need to get other things done in their lives first.
I'll admit to not really getting those 'in waiting'. We had been dating for 3.5 years when we got engaged, and I was 26 at the time; we got married a little less than 2 years later. We had talked about marriage before all of that, but the proposal came way before I was expecting it. I think it's the fact that I knew where the relationship was going, and we had similar plans for the future that I don't really understand the waiting thing.
We were right around the 4 year mark when he propsed (we were both 24.)
I was never "waiting" but my husband and I had discussed marriage in general, he would ask "do you want to be engaged?" and I told him I wasn't ready & happy with the way things were. 1 month before he propsed I felt that I was ready, and a few weeks later he proposed, so it so happens that we were both thinking the same thing at the same time when it came to taking the next step. :)
Our 3 year dating anniversary is 3 days after the wedding, and he proposed at about a year and a half. We had been talking about marriage for about 6 months before he proposed.
I agree with LGenz that if he hadn't proposed when he did, I would've started to get a little antsy.
EDIT: I'm 27 and he's 37.
I wouldn't say I was ever "waiting." I mean, I knew the majority of time we were together that I wanted to marry him but I did once ask him if he'd thought about that idea. I may have googled a few times about proposal signs, haha. Other than that, we were together 13 months when he proposed. I am 25 and he is 33.
I also never "waited." We were together a little over 2 yrs when he proposed on my 26th bday. We already had a child together and discussed marriage numerous times. I straight up told him I wanted a ring for my bday so I wasn't surprised at all, lol. It was more like a mutual decision we were ready to get married so I never felt like I waited at all.
I also was never in the "waiting" stage. But, my FI also told me 3 months in to our relationship that he knew we would be married eventually. We even talked about marraige on our first date (not in terms of to each other, just general yes we both want to get married) which I have always heard is a big no no. I think because we met when we were in our mid 20's (I was 25 he was 27) we both pretty much knew who we were and what we wanted from a marraige. We decided after about a year of dating that we knew we wanted to get married. We bought a house and moved in together right before our 1 year anniversary and after 7 months of living together went ring shopping and found the perfect ring together. He never proposed (but I didn't expect him to) we just came to a mutual decision that we both felt it was time to get engaged and start planning a wedding.
my BF and I have been together for 3.5 yrs and i am most definatly waiting but he has said he does want to marry me he just wants us to do things in the RIGHT order and for us in the Uk generally but us particularly that means living together 1st. so I figure I will prob be waiting for at least 3yrs for a ring and prob another 2 for a wedding. i am currnetly 24 and BF will be 29 in January. So am and will no doubt continue to wait and hint rather impatiently ;0 P
This theory does not apply to me! I never considered myself "waiting" and we were dating for 6+ years before we got engaged.
I think it was the same situation as @regberadaisy: and @bree72:. We had talked about marriage extensively, and knew it was something we both wanted. He actually wanted to get engaged much earler in our relationship than I was ready for (like 20-21 years old). I made it clear it wasn't even on the table until I graduated ungergrad. He proposed 6 months after I graduated undergrad, when I was 24 and he was 25.
@regberadaisy: Girl, I know we are. We even figured out how to get knocked up the same week. :)
@Wonderwoman217: Great point! I honestly don't think I would have considered myself waiting if he had done it before the 3-year mark. Nice observation!
I wasn't ever waiting. We'd been dating almost 4 years (end of high school - his college graduation) when he proposed. I was 20, almost 21, and he had just turned 22.
I had never heard of the "waiting stage" until I got here. We started dating a mouth shy of my 28th birthday and he proposed about 2.5yrs later. We got married 8 months later, a month after 31st birthday. He is 2 years older than me. I had never considered myself "waiting" but since we were a bit older we had of course discussed marriage and agreed it was in our not so distant future.
@acingthelace: Yep, I don't think I would have ever considered myself waiting either, had we gotten engaged within 3 years of dating. I wouldn't even know there was such a stage, and would probably be just as confused as those who've never 'waited'.
I never considered myself to be "waiting" and we were together 5 years before we got engaged. Met in summer 2003, got engaged in spring 2008, got married June 2010.
We're currently 28 and 30, so 25 and 27 when we got engaged.
I was never in the waiting stage either. I think it was mostly because we were completely on the same page about marriage. He told me so soon after we started dating that he wanted to marry me but we decided we would wait until after we graduated and had a steady income to get engaged. I was actually completely shocked when he proposed because here we are still in school! I guess we do have a steady income though, he just couldn't resist proposing to me cause I'm so awesome ;) haha ok that was totally a joke! Also, we had been dating for 3 years and I was 21 when he proposed and he was 24. I'll be 23 when we get married in March :)
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