Post # 1
I’ve seen a lot of posts about Bees being upset about friends/relatives getting married before or after them (length of time before/after depends on the post) and the post usually gets flooded with responses. There always seem to be two sides: the Bees telling the poster it shouldn’t matter and they “only get one day” or the others telling them it’s okay to feel this way.
I’m honestly curious and want to hear from both groups…
For either side of this argument (the get over it side or the I understand side) what caused you to feel this way? For those on the get-over-it side: Would it honestly not bother you if a friend/relative got married right before or after you? For those who understand or say it’s okay to feel this way: Did this happen to you and there was some negative fallout in regards to your wedding?
Post # 3
I’ve been dating my SO for 3 years. My brother starting dating a girl he met and was engaged in 2 months and married in 4. So…..
I understand, kind of. He’s much older and wanted to settle down. Still very quick tho..!
Post # 4
@KatiePi: I shared a wedding date with another friend and the same wedding weekend as two friends. The ONLY reason why I was sad was that I could not be there to celebrate my friends. I’m of the get over it side. I really, really don’t understand how it causes emotional drama. I can certainly understand if logistics-wise it makes it hard for a family to attend both and the guest list might be split, but that’s about it.
Post # 5
It honestly would not bother me in the slightest if a friend/relative got married right before or after me. I guess I just feel like I have more important things to worry about. But I’m sure there are things that bother me immensely that don’t bother other people at all, so I try not to judge others for being bothered by this.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@KatiePi: Honestly, I wouldn’t care at all. You get one day — not a whole week, month, year, etc. If they were getting married on the same day as me, yes, I’d be kind of upset just because it’d cause a problem with families/friends, obviously. Other than that, no: be happy for them and get over it.
Post # 7
No, it would not bother me if someone got married right before or after me. Why would it? The day is about celebrating with my loved ones, it isn’t a competition or a race.
Post # 8
Hmm, on one hand you do only get one day, and your big event should not prevent others from living their lives. On the other hand, if there is substantial overlap in guest lists, and especially if there is travel involved, it can be hard to have weddings a week or two apart. I am generally in the “do what is best for you camp” with the caveat that family should generally factor into what is right for you, and if you schedule your wedding close to a very close friend’s it might be worth saying, “I know our dates are close, but it was the only date that the venue had availabe/both of our families did not have other events/etc” just to acknowledge that the timing might not be ideal (but I do not think you need to apologize). Of course, it is always OK to feel however you feel, what matters is what you do or say about it!
Post # 9
@KatiePi: I had a friend get engaged after me and marry 2 weeks before me, in the same church, with many of the same guests. I had another friend marry on the same day as me, “taking away” one of my guests.
It did not bother me in the slightest.
It’s only an issue with siblings marrying close, due to travelling relatives. I’ve never had to deal with it but I think there needs to be a minimum of 2-3 months gap for siblings. The closest siblings’ weddings I personally know was 5 months apart and there were no rivalry issues at all.
Post # 10
i had two friends who had 2+ year engagements and I when I got engaged I knew right away that I wasn’t going to wait that long. My age, how long we have been together and just my desire to get married all played into that decision. I tried my hardest to give a bit of time (2 weeks) from my other friends planned weddings but in the end I couldn’t put my whole life on hold for the 5 or 6 couples that overlapped. I realized that it might mean that they couldn’t come because they might be away on honeymoon but honestly that was something that I just had to deal with — people couldn’t come for all sorts of reasons (and some no real reason at all)
I can understand that is kind of stinks and it does take some attention of the other couples but I tried to personally be really aware and not talk about my wedding at their events etc. But to be honest there will always be something – another wedding, an engagement, a baby, whatever it might be…. if you are only getting married for the attention then I think you will end up very disappointed because in the end no one will really care “enough”
It ended up that one of the girls ended up moving their wedding up by 4 months anyways so I am REALLY happy I didn’t take that into too much consideration since I would have been bummed if I waited another year (or had my wedding more in the fall when it was colder) because of that
Post # 11
This happened to us – DH’s best friend from grade school got married 6 days before our wedding. They got engaged and set their date/venue AFTER we set ours. Did we care? No! we were happy for them! They are great friends and a great couple.
ETA: there was no overlap of relatives/wedding party though, so I can see where that could be stressful for others.
Post # 12
@KatiePi: I know you only get one day but there are 52 Saturdays in a year, I think it’d be goofy to pick one close to someone else’s wedding. FI has a cousin getting married in December, we’d have preferred to be married earlier but we didn’t want to push our wedding earlier than theirs and we didn’t want it to be too soon after so we went with February. I get that we didn’t have to but it seemed the most considerate thing for the other couple and for common family members traveling.
Post # 13
I have some very good insight on this situation as it happened to me this summer. A very close friend (he was one of our MCs) approached us with his fiancée and asked if it would be okay with us if they had their wedding the week before ours. We really didn’t even think twice about it, said of course with only one stipulation – they had to wait until after our wedding to go on their honeymoon – fair enough! It was awesome and so much fun to get to party with all of our friends two weeks in a row. I honestly felt like a celebrity at their wedding because everyone was coming up to us saying ‘Oh YOU’RE the couple getting married next weekend!’ We were able to relax and enjoy ourselves.
The actual best part was realizing all of the things we had forgotten to plan, and figuring out what worked for them and what didn’t. We learned from their mistakes!
in summary – it’s not a big deal, get over the weird, selfish, jealousy issues if you have an issue with it. No one can steal your spotlight on your wedding day – it’s all about you!
Post # 14
I’d only be upset if it meant that guests had to choose between which wedding to go to…
Post # 15
@KatiePi: I think everyone deserves their *one* special day, and other people shouldn’t be expected to plan theirs around yours or vice versa. If the weddings are close together how does that prevent either couple from getting married? Unless they’re on the same day at the same time at the same venue there’s really no excuse to get huffy about it.
Post # 16
@KatiePi: I honestly just do not care. I would rather be happy for the other couple than waste time worrying about something this silly and out of your control.
My BIL got married 10 days after our wedding at our honeymoon location. We were nothing but thrilled fro them. Did we lose 1 day of our holiday? Sure but we got to watch two people we love get married and celebrate with family and friends.
I am a big believer in the you only get one day mentality. It just rubs me the wrong way when people are upset about this issue. It just reeks of entitlement and self importance to me. But it hardly suprises me anymore that people actually feel like this.
That said I don’t think it is just a reflection on brides but on certain generations and it happens across all facets of life (children, environment, employment). it seems society has fully embraced self importance and entitlement.