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We have discussed it extensively. DH has a very dangerous job (top 5 most dangerous) so End of Life is a big deal in our house, especially with his ex dying young of a drug over dose. We also have been very specific as we both have polar opposite views on the subject. We had to come to a consensus that it isn't about what we as the spouse want, it is about what the ill spouse wants, no matter how tough that decision would be.
we have talked about being a Donor. But other then that.....no. It is probably something we should discuss actually. You never know whats going to happen hey.
We have talked about it briefly, last year my FI had testicular cancer and becamse diabetic so there was a slim chance of his demise... There are still a lot of details that we need to work out once we get married..but i work in financial planning so those details will be easy for us to sort out and execute.
Absolutely. Neither of us want to be kept artificially alive when no path back to normalcy is available. We've actually discussed the idea of, when we're very old and hurt all the time and feel like we'd be OK with going, just eating a bunch of pills and going to sleep together. Which I realize is SUPER-macabre, but in a way it sounds sort of nice.
We both want, in the case of a timely death, to have a "green" burial. Pine box, no embalming fluid, buried on specific plot of land set aside for that kind of burial, and over time you go back to the soil. If that's not possible, then I want my body to go to science. And if that's not possible either, then I think we both just want to be cremated and scattered... wherever.
yes, we have talked about it in depth and both know what the other person wants. Our family members know as well in case something happens to us at the same time (car accident, etc)
We don't have iron-clad plans written down (although we're planning on doing so before this baby is born), but we've had this talk on more than one occasion. He knows how I want it to be handled. and vice versa. It was really important for me that he know exactly how I want it to be handled, because I don't trust any of my family to respect my last wishes, but I know my husband will.
Yep, we have - and in fact, it was the topic of conversation along with organ donation at a dinner party last night. (3 grads from bioethics masters programs, the topic is bound to come up. 1 of those people is also a peds speciality doctor, and we had 2 other peds speciality doctors at the dinner). The only non-science/health person there was very weirded out by the conversation.
It's on my to-do list to get it all written down. I've spent years reminding my parents of my wishes (e.g. to not live as a vegetable, to donate anything and everything that I can), soon it'll be time to remind FI!
Yes we've talked about it a few times. We both know what we would do for each other if those decisions ever needed to be made. It's good to have an advanced directive though, I know DH's mom would rather he live as a vegetable and I wouldn't want to have to fight to have him taken off of life support.
We've talked about it a few times. We know what each other wants done with our remains. We discussed what would happen relationship-wise in the future if one of us passes.
No, but I plan to soon. Last week, a construction worker in my office building was killed in an accident - he was just a year older than me at 25 and left behind a fiancé. I can't imagine how horrible it'd be to lose my FI (or have him lose me) now or down the road without any kind of preparations being made. It is a really tough discussion to have, because nobody wants to think about the end of their life - but it's necessary. Right now, my mom is my proxy but once we're married I plan to transfer that to him. If he wishes to do the same, great, but I will let him decide who he wants to have that power.
We just broached this subject... we're young and it seems like we're invincible and all, but in light of the 20-person mass car accident that just happened in our city, I feel we should keep in mind that it can happen to anyone. Before that, we'd discussed it but not made any ironed-out plans.
We've discussed some things (wanting to be a donor, not wanting to be kept artificially alive if there is no hope of returning to normalcy, etc) but haven't covered everything (burial vs. cremation, type of funeral wanted, etc).
I'm sure before we have kids we will get it all ironed out and written down (along with what would happen to our assets and who would take care of our child(ren) should we both be taken together).
We talk pretty candidly about it. I'm in health care and FI has a dangerous career. We have both seem some pretty difficult things that has shaped how we see things. For us, end of life issues is an easy discussion (not easy as in not important but easy as in not a difficult topic to bring up/talk about/etc). We each know what the other wants/doesn't want and why. We're fortunate in that we both share the same opinions about such things so I think that will help us if it ever gets to that point to follow through with what the other person wants.
Yes we have. Neither of us want to be kept alive by machines. We both also want to be donors. Additionally, we each want to be cremated instead of buried.
Yup, sure have. I'm an insurance agent, so its definitely something I talk about a lot. We both know the others wishes, and have also had the talk with our families so they know our wishes, and don't try to fight the spouse if the decision had to be made
Absolutely.
I want my body to be cremated and ashes laid somewhere in nature, I don't want any land or space for me to rest. I don't want a funeral, or a celebration of life. I don't want anything. Family visits would be fine but no big formal gathering of any kind is my wish.
SO: wants his body shot out into space. He's not kidding either. By the time he dies, it might not be thaaaaat unaffordable.
yes, and I'm usually the one to bring it up. Its a tricky subject, but you never know when death will come, so you might as well discuss it.
DH said jokingly the other day, "don't pull the plug!" and that he wants all the heroic measures. Also that he's going to freeze me if I go first, so that I can be saved by modern science later. At least, I hope he was joking :p
I should tell DH that when I kick it, I want them to party like its 2099. :)
Yes. We actually have pretty different ideas, but we've decided that it is important to respect the other person's wishes even if they don't match what we each individually would want for ourselves. Actually if anything that makes me so much more happy that we've discussed it, because otherwise the wrong decisions could be made (or they'd be that much harder to make). We've also both discussed our wishes with our parents...that way if the worst happens (G-d forbid) then there are no surprises or accusations of not knowing what those intentions were.
After a co-worker was just literally walking down the street last week and hit and killed by a bus I know that I have to write down our final wishes. We have a lawyer on retainer for other things so I guess I/we have just been lazy about getting it done. My FI has a very dangerous job as well so all the more reason to have it done. We both know what the other wants done just have to make it official.
Sort of. I think FI changed his paperwork so that if something happened to him our assets would pass to me now and I wouldn't get evicted, etc. Or something like that, I think that's what he told me.
And we were watching Law and Order, of all things, and the topic of Living Wills came up. We both want one, don't have it, and will probably use the legal service through his work to draw them up once we're married.
That's it, though.
We have wills, living wills, health care powers of attorney, and regular powers of attorney drawn up to be signed by us after the wedding. My father died when I was a child, and I've always had a full set of legal documents since I turned 18.
Yes, we have. DH lost both of his parents within about a year of each other and we discussed it extensively. Neither of us want to be kept on life support beyond hope of a recovery, we are both organ donors, we both want to be cremated and our ashes scattered. We don't have legal paperwork yet, but we are aaware of each others wishes (my parents are also aware of our wishes) and we will be completing the wills, living wills, etc in the next few months.
Yes, we are only 24 and have a long life ahead of us... but DH has a very, very dangerous job and after the sudden deaths of both of his parents, we know how short life is.
We were joking around about turning me into a diamond.
We actually discussed this last night- after seeing the Decendants. While we would both want lifesaving measures taken, neither of us would want to stay on life support. And I've long volunteered for organ donation awareness, so we are both donors.
Yep, it's not happy talk, but we've covered it. I have some chronic health issues and will most likely die before my partner. he also knows whta I want to do if my health goes downhill.
FI and I have. FBIL has been battling a blood disease for the past 18 months (he's only 20!) and his family has had to make a lot of decisions regarding continuing treatment, so the topic has come up a lot between the two of us.
Yes we have discussed it. We basically know the jysts of what eachother want. I mean, they could basically do whatever and I wouldn't know either way. But my main wish is that my husband isn't afraid to love again, because I want both him and our son to have a nice woman in their life, regardless of what happens to me.
Not extensively, but it has come up.
I recently told DH that I don't want anyone to see me after I die, no open casket for sure b/c I don't want people remembering me like that..... It always bothers me that I remember that last image of people before the ones of when they were alive AND that some people actually take pictures (atleast down here in South Texas Hispanic families) =/
That and we both want to go ahead and make our arrangements here in the next few years while we're alive so that when the time comes we/our children/families don't have to mess with that.
I hated having to plan my ex BIL funeral when all I wanted to do was try and grieve.
I have an advance directive on file at the hospital but DH doesn't.... we should probably talk about it more, especially since we're expecting a new little one here soon.
Yes, we have talked about it quite a bit. He lost his mom 2 years ago and that prompted a lot of discussion between the two of us on this subject.
Actually yes. I unfortunately had the sadness of addressing my daughter's end of life wishes (and yes she did express her wishes to me before her unexpected death) so I am aware of the importance. Both FH and I are organ donors, neither of us wish to be left on life-support if there is no brain activity, and wish to be cremated afterwards. I even have my Egyptian Cat Urn sitting in our hutch! Not that I am planning to die soon, but I saw it so I got it.
We are not married yet until next yer, but because he was sent to the war the subject came up. I dreaded the conversation but basically he gave me legal papers to pull the plug. It bothered me, but its his life. I was sad he didnt care what i did with the remains.
We both want the same thing, really. While there isn't anything set in stone, the fact that we want the same thing will probably help us in the long run.
FI wants to be cremated...Which he has signed up for before us meeting. He states it would be less expensive than a burial. I looked at the cost big difference I think I would like to do the same. I would like to use my insurance for our legacy to have not spend a big chunk on a burial.
Not extensively, but yes. My father passed last year, and my family had to make the decision of when to stop life support, as well as funeral decisions. The only things we knew Dad wanted was 1) not to be dependent on machines, and 2) to be cremated. So, it has come up, but still is a tricky and sensitive subject.
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Depressing post for a Monday, I know.
This is a really sad/touchy subject for some (it is for me anyway). DH and I are both in our 30 and we do not have any health issues however, recently his father has fallen ill and the topic of end of life wishes came up. I would hate if (God forbid) something happened to either one of us and we would have no clue what the other wanted. We still haven't had "the talk" we have had a talk about having the talk.
Have you and your SO talked about eachothers end of life wishes?