Post # 1
I was reading the post about the wife whose husband was contacting people on Craigslist for hook ups, and she found out by reading his emails. This made me wonder how many of us out there actually have done something like this.
I will admit that I have intentionally read FI’s emails twice. Each time I regretted it, the first time because I found nothing and felt silly, and the second time before I found something that looked suspicious but that wasn’t, once I actually sat down and thought about it more. That said, I have a friend who is constantly hacking her SO’s email, and while she may have good reason (he’s cheated on her numerous times), I honestly think that there’s no good to come of it since she’s decided to stay with him nonetheless. In my head, if you go looking for something, you’re going to find something, even if it’s actually nothing important.
So! Poll time! I’ve also included options for those of us that have found something suspicious, asking whether or not you spoke to your SO about it.
Post # 3
@MrsRevolutionize: DH isn’t at all shy about telling me anything. He will check his e-mail right there in front of me, leave it open, show me texts, etc. I don’t have a reason to snoop because one, he tells/shows me everything (so our communication is awesome), and two, he never gives me a reason. He and I don’t have any jealousy or issues, so I don’t see a reason to go looking for something that either isn’t there or something that I am totally going to take the wrong way when it is completely innocent.
Post # 4
@MrsRevolutionize: I’m not sure what I would do if I had a feeling that something shady was going on… Honestly, I would probably confront him about it. We have each others passwords and I play games on his phone all of the time. Maybe if he was very secretive I might have? That’s a hard one, because I just think in my case it would be disrespectful to him and his privacy. You don’t have a whole lot when you’re married. I’d rather just talk to him about it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
My FI is always asking me to check his emails (since he refuses to get gmail, the weirdo!) when he’s at work. He is also the world’s most sensitive, loyal man, so there’s nothing to see!
Post # 6
@MrsRevolutionize: I have in the past but I have never snooped on my SO. I’ve never even felt the urge with my SO. We are both pretty transparent about our texting though.
In the past I did find something and it confirmed my suspicions. I do regret being in a relationship where I felt the urge to snoop. That alone should be a big red flag.
When I was really young a bf I had went thru my phone when I was out of the room and when I came back in started just yelling at me about it. He was asking me “who’s number is this” “is this your other boyfriends number” “I tried to call but your other boyfriend must know I am with you so they aren’t answering” and I was just completely shocked and speechless. I could not think of what the number was despite recieving multiple calls from it. And, I really couldn’t think straight. I ended up leaving right then and breaking up with him but then a few days later he called and apologized and said he figured out what the number was. It was the number of HIS new job. He was yelling at me about his phone calls to me!
Post # 7
@megz06: That makes 100% sense, and I wish I was as confident as you. To be honest, FI has never, not ever once, given me a reason to fear that he’s doing anything shady, and yet I’ve stumbled anyway. I think for me the biggest problem is that it was accessible and easy; I was at home when he was at work, and he asked me to charge his tablet, which was open to his FB. I definitely shouldn’t have done it, and need to make sure I don’t do it again.
Post # 8
“Snooping” to me means doing it behind his back, so no. There have been times say when he was driving and his phone goes off that I’ve read texts aloud to him, etc. But I don’t take it upon myself to go through his stuff, and I would hope he wouldn’t do that with my stuff either.
Post # 9
@MrsRevolutionize: Current FH, yes – his blackberry, never found anything and I’ve resisted the temptation since. I’m just a snoop by nature and I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him (which is what he would think if he caught me) when I snooped I was looking for info on the ring (if it was bought, when it was coming…) I’d never suspect cheating.
Previous SO, I looked (he gave me his email password) and I found emails from other girls (we were 21) that confirmed my suspicions that he’d been cheating. He has never admitted to me that he cheated, despite my admission that I kissed someone else.
Post # 10
Not intentionally. Once in a while, FI will sign into his email/Facebook/Amazon account on my computer and forget to sign out, but I always sign out immediately if that’s the case. I’ve never found or suspected anything shady. Even so, if I was ever suspicious, I’m the type to bring it up with him directly because we are already very open with each other.
Post # 11
Mr TTR & I are an open book… with each other. There are no real secrets in our relationship.
This is how we SET UP our Relationship from the get go…
We don’t have to “snoop” because we are respectful of the relationship we have.
If his cell phone is the most handy, I use it… if it is mine, he uses it.
Same with our computer and other electronic devices
If someone enters the “personal realm” of our relationship that could be considered controversial or beyond what we’ve set / agreed upon for our Relationship Boundaries we let the other know…
HIM – “I ran into My Ex Wife in the Grocery Store. We had a brief chat. We agreed on dates for celebrating Christmas with the kids” (in so much as we do seperate events… they go to hers, they come to ours)
ME – “I was out running errands and ran into your friend / our friend Bob*, his car broke down, so I gave him a ride home”
* In so much as Mr TTR & I have a boundary that we don’t see opposite sex friends one-on-one / alone.
We keep it all nice and clean an above board, and there is no need to check on anything else.
Our relationship means the world to us… we aren’t about to do anything to harm it… and we aren’t about to be put into a situation by anyone else that would harm it either
“I saw your wife the other day with Bob… they were driving in the direction of his house”
Post # 12
I’ve only done it once when he called & asked me to pull up a document from his email. So I snooped. It was all boring sports stuff.
Post # 13
Twice, when we were still dating.
It was just me being crazy both times, and I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again.
And it’s been almost two years! And I haven’t.
Post # 14
I do it, but FI knows I do it if I do – I always let him know.
I don’t go through all of them (omg that’s boring) but I’ll read one text thread or something.
It’s not because I’m suspicious, it’s mostly because someone texted him while he’s driving and he asks me to type a response.
Usually I am treated to the text message threads he and his friends send, insulting each other. They get pretty creative.
He’ll let me know if like, his ex texts him or something (which isn’t a big deal because I actually like her!) because he wants to be very open.
He’s welcome to go through my stuff, but right now he doesn’t even go through my closet because he’s terrified of accidentally seeing my wedding dress. He doesn’t touch my phone either, for the same reason – there are photos on there. I get his reasoning but it’s a little strange to me haha
Post # 15
Nope. I figure if I have to do that then I already know whats up. And no good to me comes of it anyway. If you don’t find anything, don’t you just keep digging until you find something to feeds in your need to “know”? Its a crazy cycle IMO.
Post # 16
@MrsRevolutionize: I voted for yes, and I would do it again!!! BUT, I am the only one who checks his emails. He never does, so it really isn’t snooping.