Spinoff: Hilarious Date Stories.. share yours!!!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have two:

1. When I was in college, I started bartending at a small hole-in-the-wall about a block from campus. While working there, this GORGEOUS gentleman in the Air Force started coming in and making conversation with me. He was simply stunning: big ol’ muscles, shaved head, blue eyes…and he was really funny and interesting: he was a jiu jitso instructor and liked to ballroom dance. Just a catch.

Well on about the 5th time coming in, I agreed to go on a date with him. The date was going great when we started talking about his parents and what they do for a living. He mentioned his mom worked at my college and when he told me in what position my heart stopped: his mother was in a faculty position at our colleges chapel and had it out for me. I never attended our mandatory chapels and she was always hauling me down there to lecture me at length. She also happened to have been sorority sisters with my aunts and stepmom back when THEY were in college and would call them and rat me out when I wasnt going to mandatory church. She hated me and often told me she’d expel me if she could.

I told the guy how I knew his mother and he was laughing so hard he was crying. He says “let’s call her RIGHT now!” and before I could stop him he had her on speaker phone. He said “you’ll NEVER guess who I’m on a date with: badabing88.” To which his mother replies, in this sickly-sweet tone “I know her family well. She is a beautiful girl…tell her to go to chapel.”

2. After college, I went to work for Hooters. One night, a couple was sat in my section and I could tell the girl was NOT happy to be there. She kept staring at her lap and finally excused herself to the restroom. While she was gone, I asked the guy if his “date” was ok. He said “oh, I don’t know. We actually just met: it’s a blind date and it’s NOT going well…are YOU single? I’d love to take you out sometime.” I put down what I was holding, looked at him and said “You took her to HOOTERS on your first date AND you’re hitting on the waitress! Are you really surprised she’s not having a good time??” *facepalm*

Post # 4
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999
Post # 7
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999
Post # 8
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have a couple not really date stories, but attempted ones that were amusing in retrospect. 

1. I worked at a golf course for a few years and one of the men who was there regularly for league had told me he was doing a golf benefit in memory of his grandfather. He asked if I would be interested in bev carting it because he’d always thought I did a great job. I said sure and gave him my number to call me about it (mistake #1!!). I never heard about the benefit again, but he did text me in a flirtatious manner for awhile and asked me to come up to his cabin with him. Long story short, the cabin was one that he owned with his wife who he never mentioned!! I bailed out of that and found out she was pregnant a couple months later. Was always awkward to see him on the course after. 

2. The same summer as the golf course guy I met a boy who worked at the gas station by my house. He seemed really cute and sweet so I went on a “date” with him about a week later. He spent the entire time talking about his drug use and threesomes. I ran from that one as well and never responded to another text from him. 

3. A guy I was interested in for about a month had invited me over to his dorm room. We hung out for awhile, made cookies in the dorm kitchen, and went back up to the room. He had a couple of his friends from the dorm in there and one of them started talking about how a chick he hooked up with was much more attractive than me and kept saying “no offense” after. The boy I was interested in said absolutely nothing about it. Should have been a big red flag at the time! I walked out of the dorm and everything pretty much went downhill after that. 


Post # 9
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ha I had a date that was basically the date from hell. 

I met this guy at a party where some friends and I were talking about amusement parks and roller coasters. The next day he sent me a message asking if I wanted to go to a park about 40 mins away. We chatted for a few days and then went that weekend. He was driving so he picked me up and we chatted in the car but we took a wrong turn and ended up in a construction detour that was SO jammed it took us another 45 mins to navigate. We ran out of polite conversation about 40 mins into the drive and I guess he was nervous because he started telling me, in detail, about his IBS and how horrible it is. My good friend and former roommate has it so I was very sympathetic but still, it’s not exactly first date talk.  We got to the amusement park and the lines were outrageously long but at least there were things to distract us when the conversation got a little slow. We were standing in line for a roller coaster when I guess the heat and lack of food got to me because I fainted. But apparently, I fainted pretty dramatically. Like, I shot my arm out (I guess to grab the railing when I started getting lightheaded) and knocked a kid in the face and then went down and fell on top of another young girl. I came too, apologized to the kids and their parents and my date went to get me a bottle of water. The day was alright until later on when we went on another ride and I was having a blast. My date, not so much. We got off, walked 3 steps and then he puked on my shoes. On the drive home, we ran out of gas and asked me to walk to the gas station because he didn’t want to leave his dad’s car unattended. I got the gas, we filled up and then went home. When we parked in front of my house, he asked me for some money to make up my share of what he spent at the park (I don’t mind going dutch but he acted like the whole thing was his treat all day with “I got it, please, put your wallet away”) and then tried to kiss while I was talking and he ended up kissing my teeth. the whole thing was just painfully awkward and I told him the next time he called that I thought we’d be better off as friends. Haven’t heard from him since.

Post # 12
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I was a few dates in with a guy and I went to pick him up since his truck was broken. I drove a focus and this guy 6’11” almost 250 got in. I spend about a good 20 minutes laughing my ass off as he got stuck in the car. He was basically doing yoga to escape the car. He eventually made it out but the entire restuarant had seen and was laughing too. He was a good sport and was laughing too. He always drove after that.


Post # 13
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@minted:  That’s kind of sad :/

Post # 14
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

These are good! 

I was on my way to meet up with a blind date.  He called me while I was driving and told me 1) let’s do drinks because if we don’t like each other, then we don’t have to suffer through dinner and 2) asked if I was wearing my “birthday suit” or if I dressed up since he didn’t. 

While going into the restaurant we were carded and the bouncer told me my date looked like Seth Green (he did!)  We sat down and he only ordered water.  Then asked what I was ordering for dinner because he would be eating 1/2.  (thought we weren’t eating dinner!) 

During dinner he began to tell me about his roommates’ drug addiction and how it would prohibit him from being a police officer.  Also, how his brother did drugs and committed suicide because of it.  Definitely not first date talk…  Then oogled other women at the bar noting “she is wearing a push-up bra – you don’t need one do you?”  CREEPY!

When the bill came he waited for me to say “let’s split it” before offering anything.  I was trying to think of a polite way to end the date so we walked around the outdoor shopping center.  We passed Victoria’s Secret and he asked if I could “go in and try things on for him”.  I awkwardly laughed it off. 

Then he spotted some police officers and asked me if I minded if he spoke to them.  He ended up taking to them for 10+ minutes (not sure why I stuck around) and finally called me over.  The officers asked if I wanted to be an officer as well.  I told them I didn’t have what it takes and I look up to them – I’ll keep my desk job.  My date then said “yeah, you definitely couldn’t handle it”. 

We finally agreed to leave – he asked if I could drive him to his car (again what!? why did I agree?  who knows… I’m too nice).  When we saw his car, which was a beat up old Oldsmobile from the ’90s, he said “this is my 2nd car – my SUV is in the shop”.  Ummm hmmm. 

Icing on the cake – he asked if I wanted to go back to his place to “make out” since the night was so young.  I declined.  We had an awkward hug and we parted ways. 

I didn’t hear from him, thank gosh, so I thought it was mutual dislike.  TWO WEEKS LATER he called me, while I was at work sitting next to the head of my office.  I had deleted his number from my phone by this time.  I answered and he asked if I wanted to go out again.  I told him I would need to talk later as I was at work.  He PUSHED and said “just say yes or no”.  I said I would talk to him later.  I took the coward’s way out and text him saying he was very nice but I didn’t want to go out again. 

Putting that all down in text, I still can’t believe that was one date! 

Post # 15
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

On our first official date, my FI was so nervous he managed to:

– spill a whole bucket of wine all over me ( you know how they stick wine in those buckets on your table with ice to keep them cold? Yeah he picked the whole thing up to pour a glass and poured all the wine and ice and water in the bucket all over me).

– sneezed with a mouthful of ceaser salad in his mouth and spit salad all over my glasses.

– got lost on the way to the bathroom, I saw him circle the dinning room three times.

– stab me with his fork. In the face. That’s right, there was blood. He was trying to let me try his food and i guess he slipped and jammed his fork into my face.

Good times.

But, I had the best time, and we are still together.

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