SPINOFF: How do you "not believe in divorce"?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Me neither. I will fight to the end for my marriage, but there are some issues that I would just not be able to move past. I think saying you don’t believe in divorce is nice in theory, but I think its really naive. Sorry, but I am not going to be miserable just so that I can say we stayed together.

The subject of your SO admitting they’re gay is a good point. Usually you just hear people say they’d only get divorced for cheating or abuse. I actually have quite a few reasons I’d get divorced. Judge me all you want.

Post # 4
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I could be wrong, but I think most of the people who say that really mean that they will use a divorce as the absolute last possible resort to troubles in a marriage. Because, realistically it’s tough to not believe in something that actually happens…plenty of times. 

But I am curious to read what others think. 

Post # 5
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

When I see the phrase “I don’t believe in divorce” it makes me think the person doesn’t actually believe in it, like it’s Santa Claus or something.  It is real, it does exist, it’s not a question of whether or not you believe in it.  The question is whether or not you believe it to be an option for YOU.

 

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@DaneLady:  YES! Ok, when people say “I don’t believe in” something that is either tangible, or can be proven. I think it’s hilarious. It’s not a figment of your imagination! You know it to be true, that divorce happens, it’s not a matter of belief. It’s whether you would actually do it  yourself.

Post # 7
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t believe in divorce when I got married the first time. My parents were divorced and I refused to get divorced. But hey, I can’t deny it, but shit happens. Life isn’t perfect, neither am I, the person I marry or anyone else for that matter. Some people just werent meant to be married and/or married for the wrong reasons…or maybe they were just too young to know any better. who knows. I know my reasoning. I made my decisions. But I’m much happier today because of those decisions, they made me who i am today. 

Post # 9
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Ninteenthchance:  What I don’t understand is the way it’s said — you don’t believe in divorce?  You know people do it everyday right?  It’s an ACTUAL THING.  If you choose not to see it as an option as one thing, but to not “believe in it” is a whole other story.

Post # 10
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s such a stupid phrase. Whether you believe in it or not, it exists. And if your spouse decides to divorce you, it’s not like you can decide to still be married.

Post # 11
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

I think when people say this, it’s more of a case for “irreconcilable differences” or “fallen out of love” type situations. I know that everyone in my family has the same saying; it usually comes with a clause that says the couple won’t tolerate adultry or abuse, but they will force themselves to work out any other issues to save the marraige.  It’s more of a “we are going to make this work no matter what” mentality, within acceptable circumstances. Like, you don’t get dirvorced because you want different things out of your future, but rather you compromise and make your goals together.  But you do get divorced if he comes home every night and beats you or your kids. It’s a last resort.

It’s the same situation as people being staunchly against abortion, save for if the pregnancy risks the mother’s own health.

Post # 13
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@Mimoza:  I take it that way as well.

The phrase kind of makes me cringe, and it is big in the church circles. I am a Christian and there’s a lot of, shall we say, shaming that goes on inside of [some] churches. A lot of people think that unless your husband is drowning you in a pool of piss every night ( thanks, SOA for that visial) or having a torrid affair with someone… then you’ve “given up” somehow for getting a divorce. I agree with @adoc86, there are a lot of reasons outside of abuse and cheating that could constitute divorce, and I wish people would take a little bit realistic approach when it comes to marriage and divorce, especially in the Christian community. Our church does a bible study for newly divorced singles and I think it is a great thing to show that people shouldn’t be outcast because they ” believed” in divorce.

Post # 15
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Ninteenthchance:  Just throwing this out there, but I always took it to mean that their faith causes them to not have the option of divorce. So when they don’t “believe” in it, it means that it goes against their faith. They B=believe in Jesus, so they don’t believe in divorce. That kind of thing. Not like Santa. 

Post # 16
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Ninteenthchance:  I don’t believe in divorce as an easy out.

I feel like, or at least it seems like, people don’t discuss proper things before they get married and when the shit hits the fan people want to high tail it out of there.

Sure, I’m all for getting a divorce if your abused in any way, or if your cheated on etc. But, for example, to get divorced because you find out your S/O doesn’t want children? Something like that should have been discussed BEFORE you got married (If you talked about it and agreed on something and then after marriage your S/O suddenly changes thier mind – thats a different story)

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