Post # 1
So this is a spinoff of this thread… http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/who-do-you-love-more-your-husband-or-kids
I would say this is a question more for those who don’t currently have children but think/know that one day they would want to…
So as Ive gotten older and a lot of my friends have gotten married and had children/started to desire children. One example, my friend got married last Easter (2012), she had been with the guy for seven years and had thought that it would never happen. Anyway, as soon as she was married she was onto the next thing of wanting children, but it hasn’t happened yet. We were talking about it one morning on our way into work and I said that I had always wanted children but that now I was with my fiancé, if I had to choose between having him or having children then I would choose him…and she thought this was really bizarre!
Anyway, so I guess my question is: If someone told you you had to choose between staying with you having and not having children (in any way) or being with someone else and getting to have children, then what would you choose?
I’m not asking people to look at this as a way of not loving their SO enough, but rather have your priorities changed since being with them.like mine have (I do still want children, but if I had to choose…)
Post # 3
I would definitely choose my fiancé over having children. We have a wonderful life without children right now and I can’t see that changing. I’m somewhat on the fence about having kids anyways. I want them but honestly it wouldn’t bother me one bit if we couldn’t have them.
Post # 4
I believe that having children in the future is something that needs to be discussed VERY early in a relationship. If I had found out that my now DH never wanted kids, we wouldn’t have gotten married because it is something that is very important to me. It’s one of those subjects that both people just HAVE to agree on.
If for some reason we found out we were not able to have children because of fertility issues, I would choose to stay with my husband no matter what.
Post # 5
I’ve always known that I want children. This is something fi & I discussed early on before we were serious so we wouldn’t be put in that situation. Not wanting kids is a relationship dealbreaker early on. Now if we didn’t have kids & had planned on it in the future & suddenly he was against it. Idk that I could leave him, idk that I could stay either. But I know if I stayed I’d hold it against him & it would cause a lot of problems.
Post # 6
We both know that we want kids (we would be happy with just one even), but we also know that it might not be that easy for us. In this case, I would pick him over children any day. With my previous relationship he said he would never have kids and the option was off the table for me, in that situation it was easy for me to see that we would never see eye to eye on our future.
Post # 7
Having never had children, I dont know what my life would be like with them. Having had my DH in my life for 5 years, I know I would be miserable without him. I’d always choose the known over the unknown, as much as we do want children.
Post # 8
We already discussed this in the beginning of our relationship but I would choose children. Mostly because I have a STRONG desire to foster children, and if the man I was with couldn’t handle that I’d have no other option but to leave.
Post # 9
I would, at this point in life, choose my FI. As another poster said we have a great life together, and honestly, we’re getting some things together in our life (career tracks, etc.) and I can only see it being better then… so if children don’t come, and we still want them, we’ll find a way to adopt. I love children, and have a large maternal instinct, even towards other’s children, and he does so well with other’s children, too, that I think adoption could work for us.
I think it would be hard though, because both of us have always wanted children. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be, but I think it is something we could overcome together.
Post # 10
I would choose my DH, hands down. There is no contest. We have no desire for kids.
Post # 11
I know that I can have a fabulous, meaningful, fulfilling life without children. I’d choose my SO.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If I wanted to have children for sure, I would not stay in a relationship long enough to get engaged if he did not want children at all, whether biological or adopted. If, however, I married someone and we then learned that we couldn’t have children, I’d stay with him without a doubt.
I have a friend struggling with this situation right now. Her SO does not want to have children and refuses to adopt as well. He thinks it’s immoral to bring another person onto this overcrowded planet and feels like any child they would adopt uses less resources (ecological resources) in their home country or in family services than they would use as children of middle-income Americans. Anyway, she wants children, but would be willing to adopt as a compromise. He won’t budge. She has to decide whether this is a deal breaker or not. It’s not an easy decision, especially since she loves him and they have so much invested in each other and in their relationship.
Post # 14
I may not be able to have biological children, and will adopt if I can’t. As of now, if FH took that chance away from me, it would probably end us
Post # 15
I would never get seriously involved with a man who didn’t want children. That said, if I found myself with a man who decided to change his mind, I would very likely divorce him. That’s a HUGE dealbreaker and grounds for divorce in our religion (Catholic). I love him but not enough to sacrifice a family. I would be resentful about it for the rest of my life, so what’s the point?
Post # 16
I would choose my FI, but at this point I’m still mostly on the fence about having children. That could change in the future, or I could live out my days happily with M and furbabies. The key here is that currently we are both open to having children or being child free.