(Closed) spinoff: if your SO cheated, would you want them to tell you?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If your SO cheated, would you want them to tell you?
    Yes : (226 votes)
    80 %
    No : (30 votes)
    11 %
    It depends (explain) : (28 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    100% absolutely. So I can cut off his balls with rusty nailclippers – and I’ve told him that. 


    We’ve always said, if you love and care for me – and things get to that point where you are wanting to look outside our marriage, care for me enough to leave me first. 

    Post # 4
    2539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Sent from my Android


    Post # 5
    131 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @teabiscuit:  “I just feel that I respect him enough to allow him to make the decision if he would want to stay with me.”


    Post # 6
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Yes! I would want to know if he cheated on me, so I could decide to stay with him or not. 

    Post # 7
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Yes, I would definitely want to know.

    Post # 8
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Well sure. By not telling me, you’re taking away my choice to decide whether or not that is something I can forgive or not. You’re subjecting me to being clueless about possible Save-The-Date Cards I may have been exposed to. You’re putting me in harm’s way intentionally, both physically and emotionally.

    Post # 9
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Oh absolutely. Trust is number one in our relationship, and if we don’t have that than we have nothing.

    Post # 10
    1101 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    omg, yes! I would want to know, just like I think anyone else would.

    Post # 11
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yes, I’d want to know.

    Post # 12
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @KatyElle:  THIS. Respect me enough to give me the choice of forgiving you or not.

    Post # 13
    1330 posts
    Bumble bee

    Absolutely I would want to know. You never know who the other woman is, or how psycho she may be….all I need is some woman showing up at my house with my kids in it, pregnant or something horrific like that.

    Post # 14
    5289 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    @KatyElle:  Yes, this.

    I also have the right to make an informed decision about how I want to continue forward. One of my husband’s and my greatest commitments and promises to each other is to always remain honest with each other. Even if the truth is a painful one. I would also expect my husband to be honest with me BEFORE there was ever any cheating if he was unhappy or thinking about it, as we believe in turning to each other other, not away from each other or to others.

    ETA: I have been cheated on in the past, and finding out from someone else was almost just as bad as the cheating. My husband also was cheated on in the past and his ex told him during counseling…two-three years after the fact. He has said that finding out the relationship was based on lies for that time was as bad as the cheating. He was done that very moment.

    Post # 15
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    A relationship is a decision, almost contract-like, that two people enter into. It’s based on love, trust, honesty and a desire to share lives. When you cheat, you say those things don’t matter as much as your immediate gratification.

    If my SO cheated on me, I would want to know. If he stepped outside the bounds of our relationship, I would need to decide for myself if I was willing to rebuild us. When you cheat and don’t disclose, you’re not showing any respect. Once again, it’s all about you. “I want to stay in this relationship, I don’t want them to hate me, What will everyone think of me, etc.” 

    The fact is, when you cheat you have done irreversible damage, whether or not you fess up. I would rather be emotionally destroyed temporarily than live with a cheater, liar and coward.

    Post # 16
    1642 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Yes, because if he would not tell me (and I would find out), I would be furious to think that he didn’t respect me enough to tell me the truth. To find out from someone else would be horribly insulting, like I was too dumb to find out.

    If he cheated, I wouldn’t expect to feel like he loved me or liked me, but I at least want the courtesy of his respect as a FRIEND. Keeping something from me is something that an enemy does.

    In the words of Kelis’s song “Bossy”:

    You don’t have to love me,

    You don’t even have to like me

    But you will respect me.

    The topic ‘spinoff: if your SO cheated, would you want them to tell you?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors